


Mistakes Were Made

by Akartajay, SaltyWaifus



Category: Free!
Genre: Adorable Tachibana Makoto, Angst with a Happy Ending, C’mon and Read it it’s fun, Everyone Is Gay, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Haru is a savage, Haru is angry, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, It's 1 am i need to sleep, Kisumi starts shit, Like I'm sorry not sorry, M/M, Many burns, Nagisa being Nagisa, Nagisa is a Little Shit, Rei has had it, Rin is chill, Sousuke is chill, Texting, Vanilla, boys being stupid, everyone is a bitch, it's all fun though, slight savagery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2019-06-28 05:56:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15701208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akartajay/pseuds/Akartajay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyWaifus/pseuds/SaltyWaifus
Summary: So I’ve noticed that there are no chat fics in the fandom.. Well, none that I’ve seen... sooooo here it is! Honestly this idea came to my friend and I when we were sugar high at Knotts lol.Basically Nagisa creates a group chat and stuff goes down. Some serious topics, fluffy vanilla stuff, angst, but mostly just crack and insanity. Quality, funny crack. It’s a hilarious, fun, occasionally sexual, and occasionally emotional time. :)Btw I don’t own Free! Or anything connected to that.. I’m just a kid at 12 am writing some crack.*Akartajay walks in* :Why tf would we own Free!? This is borderline crack. Disclaimers are silly.SaltyWaifus: ^^^





	1. Bad Blowjobs from the Resident Shark Boy

[2:40 pm]

 

**Nagisa added Rei, Makoto, Haru, Sousuke, and Rin to the group chat**

**Nagisa changed the group chat name to ‘Family Reunion’**

 

Rin: wtf is this.

 

Haru: It’s a group chat.

 

Rin: I know that! I want to know why I’m in this one???

 

Nagisa: Cause I wanted all of us to reconnect~ Everyone is all distanced from each other sooooo why not!

 

Nagisa: It’s a fun way to talk! ;DDDDD

 

Rei: I’m sorry. I tried to stop him. 

 

Sousuke: You didn’t try hard enough. 

 

Rin: SOUSUKE.

 

Nagisa: You’re no fun Rei! Besides you’re not my mom!

 

Rei: I know. I’m your daddy. 

 

Haru:...

 

Nagisa: Exactly ;)

 

Rei: ;)

 

Rin: Wow. 

 

Sousuke: PDA. Smh.

 

Haru: I don’t want to hear this from the guy who slaps his boyfriend’s ass in public. 

 

Rin: HARU WTF.

 

Makoto: Haru is just grumpy that he can’t swim right now…

 

Rin: typical.

 

Rei: SOOO how are you guys?

 

Makoto: I’ve been good! Thanks for asking :3

 

Haru: I feel drier than your sex life

 

Makoto: Haru. Stop. 

 

Haru: No.

 

Makoto: :(

 

Rin: I live in australia. How do you think I feel?

 

Haru: Horny cause you’re boyfriend isn’t there to quench your thirst. 

 

Sousuke: o.o nice. 

 

Rin: Bitch tf did I do to you?!

 

Haru: Idk. But the questions that need to be asked is how tf do you give head? 

 

Makoto: HARU THERE ARE CHIDREN HERE

 

Haru: Yeah. You. 

 

Makoto: :O i was referring to Rei and Nagisa. 

 

Haru: Whatever. So Rin. Answer the question. 

 

Rin: Fuck you. 

 

Haru: Ah. I’m so offended. 

 

Rin: I’m not answering that question.

 

Haru: Fair enough. 

 

Nagisa: :3c

 

**Nagisa changed their name to ‘THUGisa’**

 

Rei: It has begun. *Pushes glasses up*

 

Nagisa: ;3

 

**THUGisa changed Rei’s name to ‘Is this a pigeon’**

 

Is this a pigeon: I’m disgusted. This isn’t a beautiful name.

 

Nagisa: Whatever~

 

**Haru changed their name to ‘Mackerel-more’**

 

Makoto: As your boyfriend. I’m offended by that pun. 

 

**Mackerel-more changed Makoto’s name to ‘Mom’**

 

Rin: lmao. That’s genius.

 

THUGisa: ^

 

Is this a pigeon: ^

 

Mackerel-more: I think Rin deserves that title

 

Is this a pigeon: Why?

 

Mackerel-more: Because only a genius can figure out to give head with shark teeth

 

THUGisa: I thought we were done with this topic..

 

Mackerel-more: Apparently we’re not.

 

_ Rin is offline _

 

Mackerel-more: Pussy oiand;f vaqenrv q 

 

Mackerel-more: Hey this is Makoto.. I’m just gonna take haru to a pool.. Ciao :D

 

_ Mackerel-more is offline _

 

_ Mom is offline _

 

Sousuke: My shoulder hurts.

 

_ Sousuke is offline _

 

THUGisa: So..It’s just us now~

 

_ Is this a pigeon is offline _

 

THUGisa: Boo!

 

_ THUGisa is offline  _

 

[1:17 am]

 

**Sousuke changed Rin’s name to ‘Bad Blowjob’**

 

Makerel-more: I fuckin knew it

 

Bad Blowjob: I hate you all.

 

THUGisa: But you love us

 

Bad Blowjob: Betrayed by my own boyfriend

 

Sousuke: Lol

 

Rei: Now that’s an ugly username

 

Mom: Why aren’t you guys sleeping??

 

Is this a Pigeon: My beauty rest. Interrupted by immature adults. 

 

Mackerel-more: Dysfunctional* immature adults

 

**Bad Blowjob changed Sousuke’s name to ‘Shoulder Pain’**

 

Shoulder Pain: Tbh I embrace it now

 

Bad blowjob: fuck you

 

Shoulder Pain: When.

 

THUGisa: Ew PDA.

 

Mom- GUYS. SLEEP. IT’S 1:30 AM. 

 

Mackerel-more: Buzzkill. 

 

**Is this a pigeon changed the chat name to ‘Hell’**

 

Shoulder Pain- Mood. 

  
  



	2. Makoto is a fucking Hypebeast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you live in Southern California, you’re probably familiar with Knotts Berry Farm. If not, then umm...this is awkward. It’s an amusement park. If you wanna know how much of a lil’ bitch Rin is or about why Haru got so horny on Big Foot Rapids, feel free to Look them up ig. Anywayyyy enjoy!

[5:00 pm]

Kisumi has been added to the group chat

 

Kisumi: I heard ya’ll went to knotts

Kisumi: Without me

Kisumi: :/

Mackerel-more: Bitch how the tf you get in here

Mackerel-more: Makoto get the Salt

Mackerel-more changed Kisumi’s name to Pervy-name-having-ass

Pervy-name-having-ass: Aww don’t be like that, Haru~ ;3

Mackerel-more: Makoto

Mackerel-more: Makoto..!

Mom: Haruuuuuuuu b nice!

Mackerel-more: Makoto i swear

Bad Blowjob: wtf is going on?

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder hurts

Pervy-name-having-ass: Haruuu~ if you let me stay I’ll get you a lot of Mackerel!

Mackerel-more: He can stay

Mackerel-more changed Pervy-name-having-ass to Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

Is this a pigeon : Can’t you guys chill for once

THUGisa: Lol no

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder hurts

Bad Blowjob: I feel you

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder hurts :(

Bad Blowjob: awww babe you need to talk???

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ew

Mackerel-more: Ew it's a bitch 

Mom: dammit Haru

THUGisa: MOM CURSED

THUGisa: HOLY SHIT

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder hurts?! 

Is this a pigeon: I hate this family

Bad Blowjob: the title for emo bitch belongs to Haru ;)

Mackerel-more: It’s true ;(

Is this a pigeon: -_-

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ANYWAYS. Knotts.

Mackerel-more: what bout it

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: where was my invite

Mackerel-more: uh there was none

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Whhhhhyyyyyy

Mackerel-more: Cause no bitch

Shoulder Pain: You wouldn’t have liked it anyway. Rin cried in every fucking ride. (Btw. My shoulder hurts)

Bad Blowjob: WHAT NO!!

Is this a pigeon: You were quite scared on some of the rides...even Jaguar.

Bad Blowjob: IT WAS THE FIRST RIDE OF THE DAY! OF COURSE IT WAS INTENSE!

THUGisa: Bitch was scared on the mailbox ride

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: XD Rin you’re a scardy cat

Mom: Scaredy*

Bad Blowjob:...

Shoulder Pain: it’s okay to cry, Rin.

Bad Blowjob: IM NOT CRYING!

Mom: I'm*

Bad Blowjob: -_-’

Mackerel-more: i enjoyed Big foot Rapids. 

Mom: *cries* Haru you were very annoying on that ride.

Shoulder Pain: ukes could be such a hassle

THUGisa: agreed. Haru-Chan loves water a little too much ;p

Mackerel-more: I wasn’t that bad.

Mom: Haruuuuu you tried to jump out of the raft 10 times. 

Mackerel-more: …

Mom: the rude was only 3 minutes long!!

Mackerel-more: …

Mackerel-more: ride*

Bad Blowjob: hehe remember when he started moaning in front of those kids?

Mom: DONT SPEAK OF IT!

Is this a pigeon: Don’t*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ew grammar nazi

THUGisa: ? 

Is this a pigeon:?

THUGisa: we were in s different boat...what happened?

Bad Blowjob: Well

Mom: NO

Bad Blowjob: Haru got splashed by water and got turned tf on and started moaning 

Shoulder Pain: He also started to strip, but Makoto stopped him. My shoulder hurts

Mackerel-more: …

THUGisa: yikes…

Is this a pigeon: I ask for one day of being normal 

Bad Blowjob: there were also 2 other kids in the boat

Mom: smh

Mackerel-more: No comment 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: lmao 

Shoulder Pain: I’m pretty sure Haru came

Mom: SOUSUKE!!? HARU IS THAT TRUE!!?!!?

Mackerel-more: How did you know? We were drenched after the ride…

Mom: Haru no more water rides for you.

Bad Blowjob: we were drenched cause of you. 

Bad Blowjob: You fuckin willed the water towards you.

Is this a pigeon: wtf

Mackerel-more: …

Mackerel-more: At least I wasn’t dressed like a hype beast. Makoto.

THUGisa: LOL YEA MAKO-CHAN YOU WERE DOING THE MOST

Mom: it wasn't my choice 

Bad Blowjob: BITCH PLEASE YOU HAD ALL THEM BRANDS 

Mackerel-more changed Mom’s Name to Hypebeast

Shoulder Pain: it’s true. You were wearing Supreme merch. Even the Fanny pack.

Hypebeast: REALLY???? I wasn't aware.. oops..

Mackerel-more: Don't woops me

THUGisa: mom is a liar. 

Mackerel-more: He even wore matching supreme pants with golden Nikes. 

Is this a pigeon: Smh

Hypebeast: MY SIBLINGS SAID THAT I HAD TO LOOK COOL AT KNOTTS…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I had no idea you even owned those clothes, Makoto lol 

Hypebeast: they were my brothers...mostly

Bad Blowjob: you wore your little brother’s shirt all day? 

Mackerel-more: it fit you really good..

Bad Blowjob: don’t even Haru. Horny ass.

Mackerel-more: Shut up, crying ass.

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder Hurts.

Is this a pigeon: …

THUGisa: is it just me or did Sou-Chan say that all day yesterday?

Mackerel-more: yea

Bad Blowjob: yea

Hypebeast: yea

Is this a pigeon: yea

Shoulder Pain: Ghost Rider Fucked me up.

Is this a pigeon: Honestly, same.

Bad Blowjob: well it’s your fault for forgetting your meds

Shoulder Pain: …

Shoulder Pain: crybaby 

Hypebeast: Damn..

Bad Blowjob: You know I’m sensitive about that..

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder is sensitive 

Bad Blowjob: -.-

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Lol 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Did you guys ride Hang Time?

Bad Blowjob: Fuck no

Shoulder Pain: Nah. My shoulder was hurting too bad.

Mackerel-more: the ride is booty

Mackerel-more: I thought it was a water ride

Mackerel-more: it turned out to just be some xcelerator x silver bullet baby

Hypebeast: I thought it was okay...

Mackerel-more: I'm like offended

Is this a pigeon: you're offensive 

Mackerel-more: at least I don't lie.

THUGisa: true true

THUGisa: but can we talk about Rei for a moment??

THUGisa: he was such a germ-a-phobe

Shoulder Pain: True.

Bad Blowjob: dude took sanitary wipes with him.

Is this a pigeon: I WAS NOT

Hypebeast: you brought disinfectant wipes^^

Mackerel-more: and wiped down the whole seat and railings

Bad Blowjob: we got even more glares than people with fast passes

Is this a pigeon: but the germs!I was just taking precautionary measures!! Did you not hear about the disease ridden rides at Disneyland!? Repulsive!

THUGisa: Aww Rei-Chan..you’re insane

Is this a pigeon: …

THUGisa: BUT U STILL BEAUTIFUL I WUV U BISHHHH

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-kun

Bad Blowjob: wow...that was ratchet

Hypebeast: ^^^

Mackerel-more: tsk tsk

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: So i see ya’ll had fun :/

Mackerel-more: Ig

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: So are you gonna invite me next time??~~

Hypebeast: I mean.. It depends..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Aren’t we friends??

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Why can't we go out like friends.. ;’(

Mackerel-more: Bitch it was a triple date

Is this a pigeon: Yeah.. If you wanted to be a 5th wheel then go ahead??

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Bad Blowjob: uneven numbers at an amusement park= bad.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: WELL

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Why do you guys always have to be so gay??

Is this a pigeon:...

Bad Blowjob: …

Hypebeast: …

Shoulder Pain: ...

THUGisa: ...

Mackerel-more: Because we have people who actually love us

Bad Blowjob: Kisumi you good?

Mackerel-more: also you’re lowkey the gayest out of all of us soooo

Hypebeast: Haru, that’s enough.

THUGisa: Damn. The savagery.

Is this a pigeon: that was not very beautiful 

Shoulder Pain changed ‘Mackerel-More’ to ‘Mackerel-more’s a Savage’

THUGisa: True^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’m not getting you Mackerel anymore.

Hypebeast: :0

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’ll have you know. My mom loves me.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And that’s as straight as you get. I bet your mackerel sucks anyway

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Just like you

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean I won’t deny????

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’m pretty good actually… Better than certain sharks

Bad Blowjob: Hey..

Shoulder Pain: …

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ;3c

Bad Blowjob: Sousuke…. -.-

Is this a pigeon: And we’re back to dicks.

Next Time^^^^^ <3 ;)

 

 

Is this a pigeon has renamed the group chat ‘Water Guns are Phallic’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SaltyWaifus: Coast rider is still the scariest ride at knotts
> 
> Akartajay: Pu-Pu-Pu-pussy
> 
> SaltyWaifus: I can't deny the truth :'D


	3. Waterguns are Phallic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dicks and their relationships to water guns. This is actually based on the fan theory that, yes, the guns they used in the OVA are based on their dick sizes. Look at the guns and tell us we’re wrong. Kyoani knew wtf they were doing. Y’all ain’t clever (but you are XD)!
> 
> Orrrr
> 
> Kisumi joins the chat and it goes to hell

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yo

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hisssssssss

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Nice to hear from you too~

Bad Blowjob: ??

Bad Blowjob: sup.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: So let's get down to business

Shoulder Pain: To defeat the huns

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: anyways.. who has the biggest dick

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you're the biggest dick I've seen

THUGisa: are you cheating on Mako-chan!?

Hypebeast: D:

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I'm not into emo bitches

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: DO YOU WANT TO THROW HANDS??

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: catch me outside how bout dat

Is this a pigeon: Now now guys..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: just answer my question!!!!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: who has the biggest dick??

Bad Blowjob: obviously me

Hypebeast: pft

Shoulder Pain: nice joke. I laughed so hard, my shoulder hurts

THUGisa: lmao

THUGisa: [[boys with Waterguns.img](https://goo.gl/images/DyaHx6)]

THUGisa: this should answer the question

Kisum: wet boys???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Bitch you stupid

Is this a pigeon: I believe Nagisa-kun is trying to say that the water guns we used serve as phallic symbols…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: phallic symbol..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: your stupid

Hypebeast: You’re*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Makoto :(((

Hypebeast: sorry Kisumi! Grammar!

Bad Blowjob: aaaannnnyyywayyyy

Rei: A phallic symbol is something that is symbolic of...male genitalia.

Shoulder Pain: so basically things that look like dicks.

Is this a pigeon: to be blunt, yes.

THUGisa: Oooooooooh~

Is this a pigeon: why do we always end up talking about dicks in this chat?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Because we’re all gay af.

Hypebeast: Haru…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: it’s true tho

Hypebeast: yea

Bad Blowjob: yup

THUGisa: yeee

Shoulder Pain: true

Is this a pigeon: indeed.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: told you~~

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But you’re the gayest

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: yes, I am very happy! ^_^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’ve had it with this bitch

Hypebeast: HARU B NICEE

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Tf is being nice

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Aaaaaannnyyyywaaayyy! Back to the question.!

Bad Blowjob: ?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: UHHGG! Who has the biggest dick?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: that’s a gay ass question.

THUGisa: true lol^^^ And I told you!! The water guns were it!!

Bad Blowjob: uhh, really?

THUGisa: I picked out the guns, knowing you guys would pick your favorite colors! ;D

Shoulder Pain: so you already somehow knew our dick sizes and based the guns off of that?

Hypebeast: kinda creepy, Nagisa..

Bad Blowjob: My shark senses are tingling

THUGisa: Nooooooo I saw all of you naked at some point! Well….everyone except for Sou-Chan…

Bad Blowjob: that makes sense...

Shoulder Pain: Yea

THUGisa: ^_^ So I got them all right!? I’m awesome!!! XP

Bad Blowjob: no, you didn’t...but you were close.

THUGisa: -.-

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I think it was accurate.

Hypebeast: same…

Is this a pigeon: They were fair enough..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ahhh! I get it! So let me get this straight…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No one here is straight.

THUGisa: lol

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: so, Rei is a little shorter than the rest, but has the girth to get the job done ~

Is this a pigeon: KISUMI-KUN THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!

THUGisa: Hehe, it’s true though, Rei-Chan...XD

Bad Blowjob: wow

Is this a pigeon: I am thoroughly humiliated.

THUGisa: Awww Rei-Chan!! Size doesn’t matter as long as you get the job done. And you get it done well ;) ;) ;)

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-Kun…<3

Hypebeast: guys…

Bad Blowjob: enough with the PDA already..

Shoulder Pain: Yea...My shoulder hurts.

Bad Blowjob: :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Anywayyy, next, Rin and Haru are about the same..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: What

Bad Blowjob: What

THUGisa: Ooooh~

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: and surprisingly, I think Rin might be slightly thicker..but they are the same length.

Bad Blowjob: HA

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Kisumi get out.

Shoulder Pain: Damn

THUGisa: I think you’re right Kisumi. Hahaha XD

Bad Blowjob: I’ll take that as a personal Victory.

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder hurts.

Bad Blowjob: BITCH YOU SHOULD BE CONGRATULATING ME ON MY VICTORY

Shoulder Pain: Oh, good job..babe..?

Bad Blowjob: Wow.

Hypebeast: Haru, I think you’re beautiful just the way you are! Don’t feel bad at all!! <3

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m over it. Besides, that’s probably why Rin swims so slow.

Bad Blowjob: WHAT!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I have less weight, therefore I can swim faster.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oh dear..

Is this a pigeon: ^^

Hypebeast: Oh jizz

Bad Blowjob: BITCH YOU WANNA GO!?!?1!?

Shoulder Pain: Fighting is not the answer

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hypocrite much..?

Shoulder Pain: Shut up.

Hypebeast: Guys….stop it! Sousuke is right, we don’t need to fight!

THUGisa: The hype beast is right. Kisumi please move on before we have a sword fight or a swim race on our hands, lol

THUGisa: Lmao, Fr guys stop. You’re going to make mom cry

Hypebeast: ...I’m not Rin tho…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: OOOHHH SHIIIIIT

Shoulder Pain: DAMN! MY SHOULDER HIRTS AGAIN BECAUSE THAT WAS SO FUNNY

Is this a pigeon: hurts*

Bad Blowjob: -.-

Shoulder Pain: Calm down, Rin. It was a joke. Don’t cry.

Bad Blowjob: IM BOT GONNA FUCKING CRY!

Is this a pigeon: not*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Annmyyywaayyyyy, next on the chopping block...I think Mako and Sousuke are about the same…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: What

Bad Blowjob: What

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: that’s not true

Bad Blowjob: That’s impossible

Is this a pigeon: I think that’s actually quite accurate..

THUGisa: seems legit to me.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oh wait

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ????

Bad Blowjob: ????

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Based in the guns, it looks like Makoto is longer.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: HA I KNEWIT IT! AINT NOBODY DICK BIGGER THAN MY MANSES!

Makoto: Wow Haru, that was ratchet..

Is this a pigeon: incredibly so…^^

Bad Blowjob: WHAT

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Butt!

Is this a pigeon:?

THUGisa: who has the biggest butt?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: No!!

Shoulder Pain: I think Rin might win there…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Noooo it was auto correct!! I meant to say, that Sousuke is thicker ;)

Bad Blowjob: Hmm…interesting

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

THUGisa: Oooooh~ the tension!!

Is this a pigeon: I can practically feel it too, Nagisa-Kun!

Shoulder Pain: Thanks for the compliment?

Hypebeast: ….This is all too much…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I still think Makoto’s cock is the best.

Bad Blowjob: But Sousuke’s got girth.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …!

Bad Blowjob: …!

Is this a pigeon: Oh dear..

THUGisa: ^^

Hypebeast: I’m scared…

Shoulder Pain:^^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto.

Hypebeast:???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Sword fight.

Bad Blowjob: I second that

Hypebeast: WHAT

Bad Blowjob: WELL SHIT

Bad Blowjob: SOUSUKE!

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder hurts?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: More like your dick hurts from bad blow jobs. I bet your dick is short cause of them. Yo dick just gets chomped tf off lmao. And the thickness is probs scar tissue.

Hypebeast: HARU!?

Bad Blowjob: You’re challenging Makoto to a sword fight, Sousuke.

Hypebeast: I’m really sorry, Sousuke.

Bad Blowjob: Wait…

Bad Blowjob: BITCH HOLD THE FUCK UP

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: “”

Shoulder Pain: Don’t be. It’s hard to control your Ukes sometimes. I get it.

Bad Blowjob: HARU WE CAN REALLY FIGHT, BASTARD!

Hypebeast: Riiiight tho :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Look mom! I started ww3

THUGisa: Lol^^ true

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hey, at least I can give a good blowjob. Right, Makoto?

Hypebeast: No comment.

Is this a pigeon: Ya’ll are disgusting. Where did the fluffy vanilla go???

THUGisa: You are so fucking precious

Bad Blowjob: Yea? Well Sousuke’s dick is so big that he needs special pants and underwear and shit

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: BITCH DID YOU SEE MAKOTO AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!?!?

Hypebeast: HARU NO

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: HE WASN'T CHEATING BITCH, HE HAD A HARD ON THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME AND HE LOOKED DAMN GOOD IN THEM SWEAT PANTS

THUGisa: Tehe…

Is this a pigeon: Oh dear… are we really bringing this up again??!?

Is this a pigeon: This is a christian server

THUGisa: Rei.. Shut up and enjoy the show..

Bad Blowjob: What’s your point!!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: WE LEFT THE PARTY AND SCEWED IN THE BATHTUB

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I DEEPTHROATED THAT SHIT

Hypebeast:

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I COULDN'T WALK 4 DAYZZ BITCH ABD MY THROAT IS STILL SORE

Is this a pigeon: and*

THUGisa: tehe…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Wow Haru...you’re a masochist.

Shoulder Pain: I had a feeling that was why you two were gone for so long.

Hypebeast: it’s a long story.. (read https://archiveofourown.org/works/15134438 to hear it ;)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: best birthday ever.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: So bitch

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Got anything to say?

Bad Blowjob:

Shoulder Pain: If it means anything.. I think rin has a cute dick..

Hypebeast: Same here. I think Haru-Chan’s very cute. Especially when he calls me all those sweet names ~~

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m not sweet during sex.

Hypebeast: actually you’re right…but you’re still adorable to me, Haru! <3

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ...///

Hypebeast: :3

Shoulder Pain: Rin is also pretty very fucking AMAZING at sex

Shoulder Pain: The sounds he makes when I give him butterfly kisses

Shoulder Pain: The soft gasp from the slightest touch

Hypebeast: Sounds nice ^_^ My Haru-Chan is much more vocal during sex.

Shoulder Pain: Rin can RIDE a dick. He puts a bull rider to shame.

Hypebeast: Hah! Haru will fight me if I don’t face-fuck him or “hold back”. He’s also a great rider, and he can take a pipe ;D

THUGisa: MOM!?

Hypebeast: I thought I was Hypebeast.

Shoulder Pain: Man.. These personality changes.. Lust can really do shit to people… anyways I like my rin just the way he is

Shoulder Pain: Besides if rin was anything like haru.. Man I’d have shoulder pain for days

Shoulder Pain: Too aggressive for my tastes..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you already do have shoulder pain for days. Bitch.

Hypebeast: I guess they’re two different types of slutty..?

Is this a pigeon: Are they really discussing this right now?

Is this a pigeon: I THOUGHT WE WERE CHILDREN!

THUGisa: I served my time. That makes me a thug not a child.

THUGisa: Tbh you’re the child here

Is this a pigeon: I feel attacked

Shoulder Pain: We should meet up and discuss this sometime, Makoto.

Hypebeast: ...That actually sounds nice..weird...but nice.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ….

Bad Blowjob: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ummm

Rin: did we just set our boyfriends up to go on a coffee date with each other…?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Pfft, We!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: This is your fault.

Hypebeast: What!? No it’s not like that!!

Bad Blowjob: NOW HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

Is this a pigeon: Not again…!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: WAIT GUYS

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: There’s one more person I haven’t exposed…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Kisumi this is your fault. We don’t need anymore of your destruction.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Nagisa

THUGisa: …?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: you had two guns.

THUGisa: Yea…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: So...Two dicks!?

THUGisa: …

Nagisa: ;)

Is this a pigeon: I’M TIRED OF THIS CONVERSATION

Is this a pigeon: LET ME END IT ONCE AND FOR ALL

Is this a pigeon: NAGISA IS

THUGisa: Hoe don’t do it

Is this a pigeon: HE’S A FUCKING SHARK

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Dear god. There’s two of them now

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Lmao Rei snapped

Bad Blowjob: Nagisa...why didn’t I get two guns?

THUGisa: …

Bad Blowjob: I’m the shark.

Bad Blowjob: Cheater.

THUGisa: Awww c’moooon dont b like that, Rin-Chan! :S

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder hurts..

Is this a pigeon: Jk. Nagisa told me to tell you he was a shark.

Is this a pigeon: He’s got a little boi dick

Bad Blowjob: Damn

Hypebeast: Geez Rei…

Shoulder Pain: exposed.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: We already knew, Nagisa.

Bad Blowjob: Join the exposed club :):

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder Hurts.

THUGisa: Hey

Is this a pigeon: ?

THUGisa: well, Sou-chan has a big dick, right?

Bad Blowjob: Damn straight

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: How many times do I have to tell you, no one here is straight.

Hypebeast: ^^

Nagisa: Haha! Well...Maybe the reason Sou-Chan’s shoulder still hurts is because he jacks off a lot..!

Bad Blowjob: dafuq

Bad Blowjob: are you trying to say..

Bad Blowjob: that I don't please him enough??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I mean.. you're in the Australian outback while he's here chilling in Japan

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: soooo

Bad Blowjob: well.

Bad Blowjob: um.

Bad Blowjob:

Bad Blowjob: is there something we need to talk about, Sousuke?...

Shoulder Pain: …..

Is this a pigeon: I'm going to sleep

Is this a pigeon: i am not here for this marriage counseling shit

Is this a pigeon: Kisumi. I hope you're happy

Is this a pigeon: I have a migraine

 

Bad Blowjob is offline.

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: Sousuke I think you need to talk to Rin..

Shoulder Pain: Yea, will-do. Thanks Nagisa.

Shoulder Pain is offline.

THUGisa: errmmm

THUGisa: SORRY!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: They’re gone now.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m bored. Makoto.

Hypebeast: yes, Haru? ^_^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Let’s have sex.

Hypebeast: ...//////

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: well that was blunt..

Hypebeast: HARU!!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline.

THUGisa: you better go take care of him, Mako-chan, lol

Hypebeast: yea...you’re probably right..I apologize for his behavior…

Is this a pigeon: I apologize fo Nagisa-kun’s behavior.

Hypebeast: Haha, it’s okay. Goodbye Guys..

Is this a pigeon: goodnight, Makoto-Senpai!

THUGisa: ;P

Hypebeast is offline.

THUGisa: well...I wanna have some fun with Rei-Chan now ;p

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-Kun!! You’ve caused so much trouble for our friends and you were VERY irresponsible with what you said!!

THUGisa: Ooooohh~ sounds like Ive been a bad little boy...Rei-Chan will have to punish me~~~~~

Is this a pigeon: …

THUGisa: ;)

Is this a pigeon: Goodbye Kisumi-San.

Is this a pigeon is offline.

THUGisa is offline.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: well...shit. Looks like I started an absolutel shit-show… :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It was fun tho ;)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel is offline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KISS KISS KISUMI


	4. Makoto has feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Group therapy kinda thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru- Mackerel-more’s a Savage  
> Makoto- Hypebeast  
> Rin- Bad Blowjobs  
> Sousuke- Shoulder Pain  
> Rei- Is this a pigeon  
> Nagisa- THUG-isa  
> Kisumi- Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel

[1:30 am]

****

Hypebeast: You know sometimes it's hard being me. It’s just that..when a friend is in trouble, I drop everything and go to their rescue. I do what I can to help others...I always do. But sometimes.. I feel like everything is too much. I feel mad and sad and have negative emotions like everyone else...emotions that I keep bottled up...so much so that sometimes I want to cry. Then I remember, that I have to be strong for others. I have to be someone who can be there to comfort and support others. So I put up a smile everyday.    
  
Hypebeast: Well thanks for listening to my ted talk at 1:30 am, haha...

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto...

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you know you can always talk to me.. right?

****

Hypebeast: ...oh..well..

****

Hypebeast: I know..

****

Hypebeast: I just.. don't want to be a burden to anyone...especially you, Haru.

****

Bad Blowjob: dude.  We all have our breaking points.. it's good to let it out you know

****

Hypebeast: I know..

****

THUGisa: Mako-chan. We're your friends. 

****

THUGisa: you'll never be a burden for us!

****

Is this a pigeon: We always go to you for help so don't feel like you can't do the same, Makoto-Senpai.

****

Hypebeast: guys…. <3

****

Shoulder Pain: big guys like us can be weak too

****

Shoulder Pain: Don't think you can't talk about it with anyone

****

Shoulder Pain: keeping in your feelings in will only hurt you

****

Shoulder Pain: I know from experience 

****

Shoulder Pain: sometimes when I'm feeling frustrated with the state of my shoulder, I close myself off from people. I feel like they would never understand how I'm feeling and then I get angry. It's times like that I feel like I can't do anything anymore. I feel weak. And if I try to talk about it.. It'll make me look even more weak to admit how I'm feeling. But when Rin makes me talk and speak out about how I feel.. it’s like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So Makoto, please feel Free! to talk to us.

****

Hypebeast:...

****

Hypebeast: Thanks guys..

****

Hypebeast: I appreciate it.. 

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: do you want me to come over? I can bring over some ice cream or something..

****

Hypebeast: Don't you have practice tomorrow?! You really don't have to..

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You’re doing it again…

****

Hypebeast: What!?

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: putting other’s needs before your own. 

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I want to help you, Makoto.

****

Hypebeast:..

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I'm heading over rn. Be there in like 10 minutes

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: btw I’m bringing chocolate too.

****

Hypebeast: ok..

****

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I feel you man. Sometimes it's hard being me, ya’know? 

****

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: dealing with all those clubs and stuff.. really puts a toll on my energy 

****

Bad Blowjob: Bitch. We just had a heartfelt conversation. And you come in here with that shit??

****

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It can be stressful! It’s a lot to deal with. Makoto, thanks for telling us everything. In fact, this can inspire everyone else to vent to us. We’re all friends here and we’re willing to help each other, right?

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

****

Is this a pigeon: Hmm...Well it is healthy for one to talk about their emotions with others…

****

Bad Blowjob: true..

****

Shoulder Pain: Yea..we all have issues too, Makoto. You’re not alone.

****

THUGisa: aww guysss :,3

****

THUGisa: Kisumi’s right! 

****

Is this a pigeon: Yea..

****

THUGisa: So who goes first?!

****

Is this a pigeon: I guess I will..

****

Is this a pigeon: Sometimes I feel a bit...insecure about my life choices and sometimes I feel like my future is unclear..

****

Is this a pigeon: I recently realized that, When I joined the swim club, I lost my track and field scholarship opportunities...

****

Is this a pigeon: Really.. I'm grateful to have meant you all..

****

Is this a pigeon: But.. high school is almost over and it has me thinking about what I'm going to do in the future

****

Is this a pigeon: I used to be so sure in my career in track and field and now I'm just confused. I’m not a top tier swimmer like you guys are...

****

THUGisa: Rei-chan.. 

****

THUGisa: Look it was my idea to drag you into the team..

****

THUGisa: I’m sorry if I ruined anything for you

****

THUGisa: But I've come to enjoy the time we spent together..

****

Is this a pigeon: As do I..

****

THUGisa: I'M SO SORRY

****

Is this a pigeon: no no.. it's ok..

****

THUGisa: NO. NO IT’S NOT. I RUINED YOUR LIFE ALL BECAUSE OF MY SELFISH DESIRES

****

THUGisa: I just wanted a place where I can be myself and not worry about keeping up my grades..

****

THUGisa: And in the end.. I ignored what you wanted

****

Is this a pigeon: But it was my choice to join the swim club. Nagisa. I don't regret it. All the fun memories? I don't regret it. I used to be so closed minded. And after meeting you all.. I learned how to have fun. So thanks guys. <3

****

THUGisa: But still…

****

Is this a pigeon: but nothing. I regret nothing. 

****

THUGisa: Rei-chan!!! <3

****

THUGisa: i guess I’ll go next..

****

THUGisa: It’s kinda hard to juggle school and the swim club, especially when my parents are on my ass about it x10 now, always telling me that I need to get straight A’s and stuff. It’s especially hard now that Haru-Chan and Mako-Chan aren’t here to help…

****

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: yikes…

****

THUGisa: yea...but Rei-Chan is really great at managing the team and is really helping me and the others get through the year!

****

Is this a pigeon: Ditto; having you by my side has made managing the new team so much more fun, Nagisa-kun. I know we’ll make even more wonderful memories together this year. :)

****

THUGisa: REI-CHAAAAANNNNN!! <3

****

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Awwww See? It’s healthy to let out your feelings. Who’s next?

****

Shoulder Pain: I know I already talked about my shoulder a bit^^, but what really kills me is the anxiety in knowing that there’s a chance that I’ll never be able to catch up to Rin.

****

Bad Blowjob: Sousuke…

****

Shoulder Pain: I miss the days when we were on equal footing; we used to be so competitive..a healthy rivalry. But now, I’m crippled to the point where we can’t connect in the same way we used to...especially in the thing we love to compete in the most: swimming.

****

Bad Blowjob: Sousuke...we Can still havevthat bond..!

****

Shoulder Pain: And..if I even try to pursue that kind of relationship with you again, I’ll either make my shoulder worse and be put into more rehab...or I’ll go for a surgery and, depending on if it goes well or not, I’ll either be able to swim with you again or...I’ll never swim competitively again…

****

Shoulder Pain: so yea..I’m at quite a rough patch in my life rn..

****

Bad Blowjob: SOUSUKE 

****

Bad Blowjob: Damn It! I wish I could go over to comfort you rn...but I’m all the way over here in this foreign ass country..so far from you...

****

Shoulder Pain: please..don’t cry Rin..

****

Bad Blowjob: HOW TF COULD I NOT!? You’re in mental and physical pain and I can’t even be there for you..you know how much this fucks with me too??

****

Bad Blowjob: Being here in Australia is so fucking alienating for me; I’m surrounded by so many foreign faces with almost no Japanese speaking people for miles...it takes me back to how lonely I felt here as a kid..

****

Bad Blowjob: when I hit a wall and forgot what it was like to swim with friends...to have you guys with me...motivating me to do my absolute best…

****

Bad Blowjob: Damn It...i miss you guys so fucking much…

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

****

Is this a pigeon: I understand. I’ve been so lucky to be blessed with such a motivational group of people...and to have that’s ll taken away in a foreign land...oh gosh…

****

THUGisa: IM CRYING GUYS

****

Bad Blowjob: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

****

Shoulder Pain: I cant truly understand how you feel, but know this: we’ll be together again someday..and I’ll be there to motivate and encourage you...every. Damn. Day.

****

Is this a pigeon: ...This is truly touching...and so BEAUTIFUL…!

****

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Wow...you’re really starting to make me and Makoto’s problems look kinda petty, haha

****

Bad Blowjob: …

****

Shoulder Pain: …

****

THUGisa: ...haha

****

Is this a pigeon: ha..

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto’s problems aren’t petty. 

****

THUGisa: where is Mako-Chan?

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: he’s in the corner eating chocolate ice cream.

****

Shoulder Pain: ahh

****

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: aaaannnyyywwaaayy, Haru. Do you have anything you’d like to share..?

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well...there was something that happened…

****

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: oh...that one snakey bitch?

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: yea…

****

Is this a pigeon: …?

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: He said that everyone I swim with suffers. 

****

THUGisa: :0

****

Is this a pigeon: Haruka-Senpai…

****

Bad Blowjob: Damn…

****

Shoulder Pain: Ouch…

****

THUGisa: ...Well...that’s not true!! 

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: is it not? Really?? Look at the facts: I practically knocked the confidence of Rin when we were kids...I just added to his suffering from Australia..

****

Bad Blowjob: dude...it’s not your fault though…

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And then I went and quit the swim team in middle school and broke a promise to an old friend..now he’s struggling to even swim and BREATHE properly..

****

Shoulder Pain: Haru…

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That shit fucks with me! I’m so afraid of hurting people when I swim now..Hell, when Makoto swam against me at one of the high school tournaments and lost...I could’ve sworn I saw a single tear fall down his face..

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I thought I had hurt my best friend… with my destructive ass swimming…

****

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: why can’t i just be free...free to swim without hurting those close to me...why?

****

Bad Blowjob: Haru….

****

Is this a pigeon:

****

Shoulder Pain:

****

THUGisa:...no

****

THUGisa: You’re wrong!! 

****

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-kim is right. Haruka-Senpai, your swimming is inspiring, graceful, impactful, and truly beautiful! Why would we suffer!!?

****

THUGisa: we’ve been swimming together for years Haru-Chan! And I’ve been truly happy for all this time! I’ve been at my happiest swimming with you!!

Bad Blowjob: He’s right, Haru! Your swimming has been nothing but a motivator for me to get better!! You're the reason I'm here in Australia. Thanks to you, I’ve come so much closer to my dream of competing on the world stage...To strive at what we love most: Swimming.

********  
  


Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Suuppp this is Makoto.. um Haru says thanks everyone.. Um we're gonna cuddle now sooo.. Gn.. it was nice talking with you all. But seriously go to sleep. It's like 3 am rn..

****  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL this chapter was supposed to come out a long time ago but then school sooo yeah. Hoped you enjoyed -salty waifus


	5. She's a hoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto has a mid life crisis

Bad blowjob: I just sneezed

 

Bad Blowjob: WHICH ONE OF U FUCKERS WAS TALKING ABOUT ME?

 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Me

 

Bad Blowjob: WHY?

 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: just talking about how much of a bitch you are

 

Bad Blowjob: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO FIGHT? LET'S GO BITCH. 

 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Bitch calm the fuck down. Jesus. You're going to make Mom cry.

 

Hypebeast:...

 

Hypebeast: Guuuuuuuyyysss! We just started talking and you’re already fighting!?

 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: told you^^

 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hehe well I have some info that’ll really make Mom cry ;););););););)

 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: wth are you talking about?

 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: weeellllllll~

 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I was visiting Iwatobi and I went to our old middle School to visit our old teachers 

 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Are Mr.Kiwasaki and Ms. Jin still fucking in the teacher’s lounge?

 

Hypebeast: WHAT?

 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hehe no...they’re actually married now! 

 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: about time..

 

Hypebeast:...

 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: anywaaaaaayyyy, that wasn’t meant to make Mom cry.

 

THUGisa: but mom is already crying XD

 

Hypebeast: again, I’m not Rin…

 

Bad Blowjob: really? Again, Makoto?

 

Bad Blowjob: why you gotta do me like that Makoto? :(

 

Hypebeast: it’s just a joke...don’t cry, dude. :/

 

Bad Blowjob: !!!!!!1111!!1!1!1

 

Is this a pigeon: wth

 

Shoulder Pain: Listen to Makoto. Don’t cry Rin.

 

Is this a pigeon: ^^^

 

Bad Blowjob: WTF STOP HASSLING ME I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO lMAKE MAKOTO CRY NOT ME WTH GUYS

 

Shoulder Pain: Rin

 

Shoulder Pain: Rin

 

Bad Blowjob: WHAT

 

Shoulder Pain: calm down.

 

Bad Blowjob: STOP IT! I AM CALM.

 

Bad Blowjob: IM CALM AS FUCK

 

Hypebeast: l’m*....

 

Nagisa: Mmmm so i want to hear Kisumi spill the tea soooo Rin go get a pacifier or some shit lol

 

Bad Blowjob: Duck you all

 

Is this a pigeon: Fuck*

 

Bad Blowjob: Oh fuck you, grammar bitch

Is this a pigeon: :o

Shoulder Pain: Rin, If you don’t calm down I won’t do The Thing™ anymore.

Bad Blowjob: …

Bad Blowjob: okay, I’m sorry, Rei. I’m calm now.

Hypebeast: …?

Is this a pigeon: ...thanks I guess…?

THUGisa: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Annyyyywaaayyy, I was at our Middle School, and I happened to hear some...interesting stuff from the students…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ok. And? 

THUGisa: Give me the sister tea bitch

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: mmmmhhh this Tea is HOT

Hypebeast: I’m scared.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: you should be. Because the tea is about Ran.

Hypebeast: !!!!!?!??!?!!?!+]%{**

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: whoa

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto, calm down. I’m sure it’s not that bad..

Hypebeast: What did tho here????????

Hypebeast: you*

Is this a pigeon: Makoto-Senpai’s little sister, correct?

THUGisa: yea, Mom’s gonna flip •_•

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: well, I heard some kids talking about her..and uhh..

Hypebeast: !!????!?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Makoto, do you know a boy named Akito?

Hypebeast: no…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: yikes...well, I sorta kinda overheard them say...umm

Hypebeast: !!!??!1?!?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: now I regret bringing this up...haha

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: don’t fuck with Makoto. Tell him.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: okaaaay….IovwrheardthemsaythatshesentnudestoAkito.

Is this a pigeon: ?

Bad Blowjob: wth

Shoulder Pain: What?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: oh shit.

Hypebeast: 

Hypebeast: 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you good, Makoto?

Hypebeast: HEJDDBSIWLAIAKSVSJAKAJUaiakh&/&28/739*]*{|%*{|€>||!?|**_++£_<~£¥\¥+++++++++__+_____________

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: okay, I’ll be right over.

THUGisa: Daaaaamn

Is this a pigeon: What just happened?

Bad Blowjob: ^^

THUGisa: didn’t you see Kisumi’s message??

Shoulder Pain: we couldn’t read the bitch.

THUGisa: uhhhhhg!!

THUGisa: “IovwrheardthemsaythatshesentnudestoAkito” = I overhead them say that she sent nudes to Akito. 

THUGisa: there are a few typos tho

Is this a pigeon: OH MY GOSH. 

Is this a pigeon: IM DEEPLY SADDENED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS! I’m sorry, Makoto-Senpai!!

Bad Blowjob: LMAO she a thot mate

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Get your australian ass outta here bitch

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: can’t you see Makoto’s in a crisis??

Bad Blowjob: Fuck you. Sorry.. Also I can relate to Makoto.. I remember when Gou sent a nude

Bad Blowjob: I was shook

THUGisa: SHE DID!??!?

Is this a pigeon: I can’t believe Gou-San would do that...I don’t believe it!

Shoulder Pain: It’s true

THUGisa: To who???

Bad Blowjob: …

Shoulder Pain: don’t ask. Rin gets PISSED just thinking about it.

Bad Blowjob: Her innocence.... 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That’s what happens when you’re overprotective and you suffocate her all the damn time...RIN.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: not saying you do that, Makoto!!

THUGisa: Damn the sister shade...the Tea is steaming!~

Hypebeast: nboidsthrio

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ik..Ik..I’m on my way Makoto.

Hypebeast: }^%

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Lmao and that’s only the tip of the iceberg fam

THUGisa: :0

Is this a pigeon: oh dear

Kisumi: Yup.. I kinda overheard Ren talking too..

THUGisa: Expose themmmm

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: MAKOTO PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN

Hypebeast: REN!?!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: STOP READING, MAKOTO!!

Is this a pigeon: Twincest is wincest

Shoulder Pain: wrong show fam, but yea it is. 

Bad Blowjob: wth

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: aaannnyyywaaayy, i heard talk somewhere else Down the same hall that...Ranhadathreesomewiththemintheteacher’slounge

Shoulder Pain: Oh wowwee

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: KISUMI SHUT UP.

Hypebeast: 

Hypebeast:___________________*

THUGisa: I can hear his keyboard smash from a mile away

THUGisa: anyways.. more tea? 

Hypebeast: 6;’Tito dxoycdsscvu#**<£}*#¥{<

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: haha, i don’t think Makoto can handle anymore tea~

THUGisa: Im sister sad. My cup is empty.

Shoulder Pain: Low key want to hear more tea

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: okay...so I’m at Makoto’s place...and he ordered me to type out his feelings… because he broke his keyboard..

THUGisa: I KNEW IT

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: sorry...there’s a lot of yelling…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: HOW FUCKING DARE ANY LITTLE FUCKINH BASTARD EVER SEE OR FUCKING TOUCH MY SISTER IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM!? THOSE FUCKING LITTLE SHITS SHOULD HAVE THEIR DICKS CUT OFF AND SHOVED DOWN THEIR THROATS. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??? I KNOW WE RAISED HER BETTER THAN THIS! BURN EVERY FUCKING PHONE WITH HER PICTURES ON IT! 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: i cut a lot out...it gets really explicit…

THUGisa: Oml mom cursed

Is this a pigeon: That’s what you’re worried about??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: yea...now he’s just kinda crying in the corner yelling, “innocence!” Over and over...he’s really fucked up :(

Bad Blowjob: Mood. Been there done that.

Bad Blowjob: You gotta learn that if she breathes she’s a thot.

Bad Blowjob: Simple.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: This is no fucking time for memes, blowjob bitch.

Bad Blowjob: aww shit. Makoto will be fiiine. I was a mess for a while, but then I realized that I can’t control her forever 

Bad Blowjob: they gotta grow up sometime, Makoto. 

Is this a pigeon: Holden Caulfield Head-ass..

Bad Blowjob: stfu nerd-head-ass

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: lol i think the twins are pretty grown up.. I mean they have their own business from what I heard :D

THUGisa: Elaborate hoe

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean… It really is speculation.. It really is. 

Is this a pigeon: Get you’re Holden ass out of here

Shoulder Pain: What?

Is this a pigeon: nothing

THUGisa: so...the business?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Right sooo I started walking around the school and I see Ran and Ren, walking down the hall and Ren looked pissed. So I was curious and followed him. Ren entered a classroom and started yelling at someone.

“How dare you walk into my turf and try stood start competition you dirty stank! You know how many dicks we've sucked, spread our legs open, and get cummed on all for some bitch to walk into our territory and steal away our customers. LIKE THAT'S OUR FUCKING CASH YOU'RE STEALING. YOU HEAR ME? IT'S OURS! So you better close your fuckin legs cause yo pussy is stank, and get the fuck out of here. And if I hear that someone else other than my sister is getting pussy praised.. I'm gonna fuck you up-”

so like the yelling continues and some girl runs out crying

Then I left cause I was hungry :D

THUGisa: That's all?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Mmm no.. I was at this burger place and they came in. They sat in a table near by and I overhead their convo

Bad Blowjob: And?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I heard snippets about improving sex techniques, gossiping about weird things to stick up asses, and expanding their business to sex tapes..

Is this a pigeon: That's.. nice?

THUGisa: So they want to be porn stars?

Is this a pigeon: NAGISA!

Bad Blowjob: Let's be real here. They’re sluts.

Hypebeast: ocpwkfma0ekgkwpcv 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I guess

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh my god

Bad Blowjob: you believe in God?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Now I do. Someone purify these children

Shoulder Pain: it's their life so they can do what they want.

Is this a pigeon: Stop making it so easy for me to make Literature references..!

THUGisa: ?^

Hypebeast: They are middle schoolers.

Nagisa: I thought mom’s keyboard was broken...

Shoulder Pain: And when did you lose your virginity?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: When we celebrated graduating middle school 

Bad Blowjob: haha y’all were little hoes too. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: don’t even start with me bitch. You were a horny mess until you finally got your ass stuffed by Yamazaki 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Sousuke*

THUGisa: maybe that’s why Rin-Chan was so angry XD

Shoulder Pain: they just start young these days, Makoto. 

Hypebeast: yea...BUT A BUSINESS!!? A FUCNEJNGNBHDYNBRFFF J CSNG RBTN EB FJF HRG TSNFJTN GNRX

TH MIGF HI 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I had to take Makoto’s phone away from him. He’s angry-crying again. 

THUGisa: so, anymore tea..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No. No more.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m fucking serious. Makoto is literally about to have a mental breakdown and this shit is funny to you fuckers.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: so STFU KISUMI 

_ Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline  _

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel:...

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: hehe...funny story..

Shoulder Pain: if you say what I think you’re gonna say…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: hahahahaha 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I didn’t think Haru would blow up like that… and I don’t know if he still had Makoto’s phone…

THUGisa: oooooohh what?? More sister tea????

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: actually...the opposite..(⁄ ⁄^⁄ᗨ⁄^⁄ ⁄)

Bad Blowjob: oh shit. He pulled out the cringe-ass emoticons

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yea um…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: prettymuchallthatshitwasalie

THUGisa: (∥￣■￣∥)

Shoulder Pain: again with the words smushed together shit

Nagisa: u guys need to learn how to read

THUGisa: “prettymuchallthatshitwasalie” = pretty much all that shut was a lie

Is this a pigeon: KISUMI-KUN

Bad Blowjob: Daaaaammn

Shoulder Pain: wow.

THUGisa: My sister tea has been regurgitated.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: yea...sorry! I didn’t think mom would freak out THAT bad…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: But…

THUGisa: But..? *holds empty tea cup out*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: the part about the nudes...that was true…

THUGisa: hm. The tea isn’t as hot, but it’s still steamy ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Bad Blowjob: not surprising. Makoto will be fine. He can just talk to Ran about it or something.

Is this a pigeon: I agree; Makoto-Senpai can work this out with his little sister. 

THUGisa: you hear that Mako-chan!?? Your little sister isn’t a hoe!

THUGisa: where is Mako-Chan?

Shoulder Pain: Haru might still have his phone..

THUGisa: oof…

Is this a pigeon: yikes…

Bad Blowjob: welp. Now he and Haru think Ran’s a thot and Ren’s running a sex business.

Bad Blowjob: that’s actually kinda despicable…

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel:

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: damn guys...I’m sorry 

Bad Blowjob: Pfft tell that to Makoto 

Is this a pigeon: ^^^

THUGisa: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ^^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: well...um…

9:07 am

Hypebeast: You have a 5 second head start before I come for your ass.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I'm sharpening my special bitch knife just for you. I'm gonna fillet your ass.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oh boy scoobs! I think we should get the fuck outta here.

Hypebeast: You have 2 seconds

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Uhh..Kisumi 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: yea? I’m leaving!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: real talk, Makoto just walked out the door. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: knows where you live…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Fr?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you better Run 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: bitch 

_ Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE LIVE


	6. Is Water Wet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys shall embark on answering the age-old question that annoys the fuck out of all our teachers...and a few other questions. :)

3:00 am

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Guys

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Guuuuuuuyyysss

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: GUUUUUUUYYYSSS

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: What the flying fuck do you want you Sakura bitch?!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: 1st rude.

Hypebeast: Sorry ;(

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It's okay Makoto. 2nd, I have a question that NEEDS to he answered so I can sleep at night 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I swear to god. Bitch it's 3 am and I want to sleep I have fuckin practice in the morning.

Hypebeast: Kisumi, Haru is right.. we need to sleep.. I have morning classes.. Can't your question wait till later?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: No

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No was exactly what your mom said when she gave birth to you and saw you for the first time.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: RUDE 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck you.

Hypebeast: Haru..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Don't Haru me unless we're fucking and ur screaming my fuckin name hoe.

Bad Blowjob: Lol it's 5 am here in the Australian outback :D 

Bad Blowjob: Good morning guys :D

Bad Blowjob: *insert picture of sexy breakfast*

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck you

Bad Blowjob: That jobs belongs to Sousuke m8

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Sousuke fuck him.

Shoulder Pain:... 

Bad Blowjob: ;(;

Hypebeast: Okay can this convo wait till later.. I'd REALLY like to sleep.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Can I please ask my question?? PLEEEAAASSEE. It's a simple yes or no question

Hypebeast: Fine. Just get it over with.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :D

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Is water wet?

Shoulder Pain:...

Hypebeast: You did not just go there..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Are you trying to start a war? 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It's a yes or no answer ;(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yes water is wet

Hypebeast: water isn't necessarily wet…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: :0

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Bad Blowjob: whoa Makoto..that was...yeesh 

Hypebeast: What?

Hypebeast: Well..how can something that makes you wet be wet in itself..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Water makes me VERY wet, Makoto.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: wetter than you make me 

Bad Blowjob: :0

Shoulder Pain: damnnnn

Bad Blowjob: Makoto you good.?

Hypebeast: I try my best..but I can’t compare to a pool I guess…

Hypebeast: :,(

THUGisa: Damn Haru-Chan...you made mom develop an inferiority complex XC

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: yes it does. That’s why Water is wet. 

Shoulder Pain: so that’s all your evidence to support ur argument? How wet you get?

Bad Blowjob: Yea...i mean, come to think of it, Makoto has a point..

Bad Blowjob: and besides, precum doesn’t count as wetness from the water Haru.

THUGisa: ^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: shuddup guys.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: so..who’s right?

Shoulder Pain: honestly idk

Bad Blowjob: Yea abs idc 

Bad Blowjob: and*

Hypebeast: abs*

Hypebeast: whoops

THUGisa: abs* is acceptable Mako-chan ;p

Is this a pigeon: GUYS. Might I remind you that it’s 3am???! I am trying to get my beauty sleep.

THUGisa: Rei-channnn~!

THUGisa: help answer the question^^

Hypebeast: Yea. Haru’s kinda mad at me because of it. What’s the answer?

Is this a pigeon: Hmm…

Is this a pigeon: Well, if it’ll get you guys to sleep, then I suppose you could argue both clauses; Water simply MAKES things wet, however you need water in itself to create wetness on a surface, or any other liquid. However, being that water is the most convenient of universal solvents, most liquids tend to contain H2O.

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: 

Bad Blowjob: Uhh ok

Sousuke: That was extra. 

THUGisa: ^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage:

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Water is wet. 

Hypebeast: idc anymore...I just have a headache now. I’m both mentally and physically exhausted now. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: thanks Rei :)

Is this a pigeon: No problem! Now go to sleep.

THUGisa: haha, I haven’t seen Haru-chan get this fired up since that argument he and Rin-Chan had about the shape of water XD

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-Kun…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: the shape of water is beautiful.

Bad Blowjob: There is no shape of water..

Shoulder Pain: oh fuck

Hypebeast: oh dear

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: -.-

Bad Blowjob: >:(

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ooooh~

Shoulder Pain: you see what you did Nagisa?

THUGisa: sorry guys! Please don’t start this now! It’s like 3:20 am..!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I must always defend the shape of water. It’s beautiful.

Bad Blowjob: look, I know water turns you on and stuff, but it doesn’t have a shape dude.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Water is thicc.

THUGisa: ^^

Bad Blowjob: but how…

Bad Blowjob: HOW CAN WATER HAVE A SHAPE!?? 

Bad Blowjob: AMERICA EXPLAIN! I AM CONFUSION.

Hypebeast: What?

Is this a pigeon: ^^?

Bad Blowjob: it’s a fucking vine Guys

Shoulder Pain: Vine is dead. 

Bad Blowjob: it’ll live forever in my heart. So many great memes..

THUGisa:^^ :,(

Hypebeast: actually...I think water does have a shape…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto, this is why I love you.

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: aww...thanks Haru?

Bad Blowjob: smh

Bad Blowjob: explain.

Hypebeast: well, have you considered the water molecule? It consists of 2 Hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. So most models, being that it has three sides, show it as having a triangular shape.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: look at my educated bae^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I wanna suck you off so bad rn

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: triangles are sexy

Hypebeast: Haru! Please /////

Hypebeast: but yea, Rin. I think water does have a shape. At least a theoretical one..

Is this a pigeon: ^^^indeed!

Bad Blowjob: all this coming from the guy that didn’t know what Pangea was…

Hypebeast: SERIOUSLY 

Hypebeast: WE DONT HAVE TO GO THERE

THUGisa: HAHAHAHAHA I REMEMBER WHEN MAKO-CHAN FELL FOR THAT SHIT XD

Shoulder Pain: we can’t go there. It doesn’t exist

Sousuke: at least not anymore…

THUGisa: But don’t we still live on the contents that made up Pangea at one point?

Nagisa: doesn’t that mean that we’re all Pangeans!!? :0

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ...hm

Is this a pigeon: interesting, Nagisa-kun...that’s actually a progressive way of thinking in that we wouldn’t have such strict ethnic labels placed upon us…

Bad Blowjob: ^^ Yea..then maybe I wouldn’t be called “that random Japanese guy” anymore :/

THUGisa: yeaaah we’d all be the same; Pangeans!

Hypebeast: hm..but what does that mean for the cultural differences that already exist?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ^^? And What language would we all speak?

Is this a pigeon: Hmm...probably something latin-based?

THUGisa: ooohh like pig Latin??

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-Kun, how many times do I have to tell you that Pig Latin is NOT a legitimate language?

THUGisa: says who??

THUGisa: ou’reyay onay unfay, Eiray-anchay!

Is this a pigeon: smh

Shoulder Pain: Ymay ouldershay urtshay.

Bad Blowjob: ^ Idday ouyay aketay ouryay edsmay?

Shoulder Pain: ’lllay aketay ormay.

Hypebeast: Uhh...no entiendo?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you speak Spanish Makoto?^

Hypebeast: not really..but I have a friend who speaks it :)

Hypebeast: But really guys I have no idea what you’re saying..

THUGisa: et’slay avehay exsay, Eiray-anchay~ ;P

Is this a pigeon: NAGISA-KUN

Bad Blowjob: geeze Guys, calm down.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ?

Hypebeast: ?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: erm…

THUGisa: Well...there is one question that we haven’t answered. It’s a question that I’ve had for a looooong time too!

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-Kun. We. Need. Sleep! We’ve got school tomorrow!

THUGisa: it’s the last one Rei-Chan! I swear! 

Hypebeast: ...okay Nagisa..just make it quick because it’s already 3:45.

Bad Blowjob: yea, I’ve gotta be at practice in about an hour. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: just ask it already. I’m tired as hell. 

THUGisa: Okay! 

THUGisa: so how do I put this…

THUGisa: Um, so… Why?

Hypebeast: …

Shoulder Pain: why what??

THUGisa: Why are we all so gay?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage:

Hypebeast: …

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Eh..

Is this a pigeon: Hmm..

Shoulder Pain: uh

Bad Blowjob: well..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: i gtg

Hypebeast: Haru? 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline 

Hypebeast: well then...um

Hypebeast: me and Haru were gonna walk to the train station together in the morning and I know he’s gonna be tired so...I’m gonna sleep so that I can wake him up..goodnight!

Hypebeast: Morning*

Hypebeast is offline.

Bad Blowjob: yea, I gtg to practice sooo later 

Bad blowjob is offline.

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder hurts.

Shoulder Pain is offline.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hehe can’t answer that question! Thanks for the help though guys ;p

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel is offline.

Is this a pigeon: We have school tomorrow.

THUGisa: But my question!

Is this a pigeon: yea...um..

Is this a pigeon: idk. Good morning.

Is this a pigeon is offline.

THUGisa: smh

THUGisa is offline.


	7. 50 Percent Off our English Grade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what we’ve never seen? Fics that mention, or are centered around, 50 Percent off! If you haven’t watched it (which would be very surprising...) check it out for a goooood laugh. Anyway, we must warn you; if you’re triggered easily by...well if you’re reading this then you should be prepared to be triggered already. Just be prepared as we very lightly poke fun at American problems that May or May not be major issues. (We’re American too if that helps..?) idk. Just read. It’s 50 Percent off-ish so enjoy, SLUTS.

THUGisa: Guuuyyyssssss!~

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: what? 

THUGisa: Guess what i found on Mako-Chan’s computer!!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: what

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nagisa no

Hypebeast: …!!!!!!

Hypebeast: what were you doing on my computer??? 

Hypebeast: What were you doing in my house?????

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ooohh~ what did you find?

THUGisa: oh just some videos~~~

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: !!!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: are these what I think they are!!??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: no

Shoulder Pain: whoa… I didn’t know you were into that type of stuff Makoto…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: what

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: no it’s not like that

Mackerel-more: Anyways, whatever it is, DONT SHARE, NAGISA.

Hypebeast: ^^^

Bad Blowjob: relaaax guys, you’re acting like he found your guy’s sex tape on his computer 

Bad Blowjob: wait

Bad Blowjob: did you?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Why tf would he need sex tapes to get off when he got my fine ass

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: also.. worse

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I doubt it could be worse..we don’t kink shame around here ~~

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: :/

Is this a pigeon: If it’s what i think it is...then yea. it’s quite possibly worse..

Hypebeast: ^^

Bad Blowjob: what are you guys talking about??

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Rin

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Did ur mom drop you when you were a baby?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Beside, you should know.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you know..the videos.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I stg if you can't pick up what I'm saying.

Bad Blowjob: …?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you’re stupid

Bad Blowjob: Well shit, tell me then!

THUGisa: shark week.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: when is he not.

Bad Blowjob: Oh

Bad Blowjob: OHHH

Bad Blowjob: OOOHHH FUCK

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yeah

Bad Blowjob: Burn it

Bad Blowjob: Delete it from existence 

Hypebeast: i thought I did >_<

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: well clearly you didn’t.

Is this a pigeon: sorry Makoto-Senpai...but you’ve failed us.

THUGisa: XD Guys it’s not that bad!!

THUGisa: It’s Actually kinda funny.

Hypebeast: we got a 50% on the project.

Hypebeast: we got an F.

Hypebeast: and i don’t blame Ms. Jones.

Hypebeast: it was BAD

Is this a pigeon: I feel like it may have offended her too.. being that she was American and all..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nah, she's just a bitch who can't see art even if it was shoved in her ugly hoe face

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’m so confused. 

Shoulder Pain: Yea. ^^ EXPLAIN.

THUGisa: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJVeF2-zu1kGQ7t7UUPwolNWiQHXQUASs

THUGisa: ^^

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Hypebeast: It’s been an hour..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: fuck

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: They’re watching it.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Can I resign?

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-kun…

Bad Blowjob: Nagisa. Why?

THUGisa: Shuddup sluts~~ XP

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I prefer bitch but whatevs

THUGisa: it was a reference to the video project >_<

Shoulder Pain: well...just finished watching it..

Shoulder Pain: umm..

Shoulder Pain: wth Guys?

Hypebeast: IT WAS A MISTAKE.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: a mistake that lasted for a whole series of 18 episodes?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Shut up bitch

Is this a pigeon: idek why I went along with it. 

THUGisa: We needed a bad guy >_<

Is this a pigeon: I thought that was what Rin was for.

Bad Blowjob: Damn^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: okay wait

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: why did you guys even do that?

THUGisa: for an English project 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Which we deserved a goddamn A for.

Hypebeast: It was for an English Project. We had to create a video that portrayed American ideas, problems, culture, etc.

Shoulder Pain: well I can think of quite a few problems..

THUGisa: yeahh And Ms. Jones said “be creative”

Is this a pigeon: Perhaps we were a little too creative..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Art is creative 

Shoulder Pain: American culture?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: bitch where? XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Uhh everywhere 

THUGisa: weeeeelllllll 

THUGisa: apparently, it didn’t “accurately portray American culture and social issues.” 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: how did portray American culture?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: it*

Hypebeast: most of it was Nagisa’s idea..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: well, my job was to “portray mental illness”

Shoulder Pain: HA I see...that’s why you kept talking to yourself.?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I regret it

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: So was the part where Haru shot Haru representative of gun violence?

Shoulder Pain: That would be insensitive, don’t you think?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I guess 

Shoulder Pain: damn…

Hypebeast: we’re not proud of it.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: okaayyy...um so, Makoto! What were you supposed to symbolize?

Shoulder Pain: you were gayer than usual.

Hypebeast: Uhh...LBGTQ+ representation..?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: yikes

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: you’re even gayer than me XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: no one can possibly be as gay as you. 

Bad Blowjob: I think we're ALL gay

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: no shit. But Kisumi-bitch-ass is the gayest.

Shoulder Pain: Makoto.. yea...you were kinda...uh

Hypebeast: I told Nagisa that the lines and “jokes” were kinda offensive..

Shoulder Pain: yea you were hella sexually deprived. Also.. You just went along with what Nagisa wrote? 

Hypebeast: I guess.. But like I couldn't really say no..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: You were a complete mess Makoto XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: A wet on for me.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: wet on?

Hypebeast: Haru’s version of a turn on..

Is this a pigeon: can we change the subject completely?

THUGisa: no, I think my part was good!

Is this a pigeon: Aaaand I’m being ignored.

Bad Blowjob: Yeah cause ur basically just a Walmart wannabe of me 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: This is why we chose you to be the villain in the video

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ur just screaming bitch energy

Bad Blowjob: Lol probably

Bad Blowjob: But the stuff about my dad was kinda mean guys… 

THUGisa: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: 

Hypebeast: …

THUGisa: we didn’t make you say that stuff Rin-Chan..

Bad Blowjob: I know. But I thought we had to portray American culture, so I represented daddy issues.

Shoulder Pain: PFFFT

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: *DIES*

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You were probably having daddy issues with Sousuke cause you couldn’t give blowjobs right.

Bad Blowjob: AND WE'RE BACK TO BLOWJOBS. I CAN VERY MUCH GIVE HEAD.

Bad Blowjob: TELL EM SOUSUKE 

Shoulder Pain: no comment.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Okay and what was Rei supposed to be? 

THUGisa: we wanted to reference serial killing

Shoulder Pain: why?

THUGisa:...

THUGisa: I just wanted Rei-Chan to be in it :p

Is this a pigeon: yes, I was dragged into this abomination. I was supposed to be the back up in case their other offensive “examples of American culture” weren’t acceptable. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: How would that even work?

Is this a pigeon: There are actually quite fascinating stories of American serial killers in the past. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: “Fascinating”

Is this a pigeon: Well, Yea. However, I’m sure my inclusion in this mess of a “video project” was merely for humorous purposes. 

Is this a pigeon: and for Nagisa-Kun to sexually harass me on camera.

THUGisa: whaaaat??

Shoulder Pain: well..you were kinda bold Nagisa.

THUGisa: I was in character. I was supposed to represent urban America!

Hypebeast: now THAT came off as really offensive in my opinion..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: This whole Video was offensive.

Bad Blowjob: Like you

Hypebeast: I know, but..why did Nagisa have to act like a thug??

Hypebeast: Why did Haru shoot Haru?

Hypebeast: Why was I incredibly gay?

Hypebeast: Why did we make so many drug references?

Hypebeast: What were WE on?

Bad Blowjob: To this day, I still have no idea tbh…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea. You guys had me staring into space and talking to myself like a crack head.

THUGisa: Weellll I tried to assign The different characters in the project to the people who I thought would portray the character the best. 

Bad Blowjob: yea..and..That’s kinda how Haru acts in Real life tbh…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: really bitch?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: So then you act like a bitch-baby in real life too. 

Shoulder Pain: Hehe

Bad Blowjob: What’d you just say to me?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Free

Bad Blowjob: What!???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Free

Hypebeast: STOP RECITING LINES FROM THE PROJECT.

THUGisa: XD

Is this a pigeon: So what you’re saying, Nagisa-Kun, is that I would make a good serial killer? Really?

THUGisa: well, out of all of us, I’m pretty sure you’d be a serial killer Rei-chan. 

Hypebeast: I’d have to agree tbh..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ^

Bad Blowjob: ^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: yea ^^^

Is this a pigeon: …

Is this a pigeon: wow guys..

THUGisa: aaaannnnyyyyywaaayyy

Hypebeast: Wait 

Hypebeast: Does this mean that you think I’m the gayest, most sexually deprived one here???? •.•

THUGisa: haha No..!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oh damn…

Shoulder Pain: yikes

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No Makoto

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That’s Kisumi.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nagisa didn’t know how much we used to fuck back in the day

Is this a pigeon: !!?

Hypebeast: sure ig..but still..

Bad Blowjob: Well...you were kinda clingy with Haru back then

Bad Blowjob: you used to maddog me a bit too…

THUGisa: oooooh~

Shoulder Pain: Okay, But didn’t you guys have drama and shit back then?

Bad Blowjob: yea..but we filmed the project after it..and Makoto was still a little...yea 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I don’t mean to add to the tea, but I think I know what Rin’s talking about, Makoto..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: You have a pretty scary stare..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: My Makoto? Scary stare? You’ve got the wrong bitch..??

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Weelllll~ I remember it from the end of middle school a bit..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I think He’d look at you crazy if you got too close to Haru.. ;)

Bad Blowjob: yea..a little possessive..

Is this a pigeon: :0

Shoulder Pain: damn 

Bad Blowjob: Okay..so I’m not the only one 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Is this true, Makoto?

Hypebeast:

Hypebeast: …

THUGisa: see, I did do a good job casting the roles! ;)

Hypebeast: THIS WAS BEFORE WE WERE OFFICIALLY DATING AND BEFORE WE CAME OUT HARU! Please don’t be mad >_< :,(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: that’s actually kinda sweet

Hypebeast: ..!?

Hypebeast: really?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: yea

Bad Blowjob: Okay, I didn’t mean to trigger a PDA session y’all.

THUGisa: does this mean that you wanna talk more about the show?? ;D

Bad Blowjob: FUCK NO

Hypebeast: NO

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: hissssssssssssssss

Shoulder Pain: Okay, Sorry Guys But I have to ask…

Shoulder Pain: How did the teacher react?

THUGisa: Hehehe...well..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: She hated it

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oof 

Hypebeast: She didn’t necessarily HATE it..

Is this a pigeon: Though she disliked it.

Hypebeast: yea, but she was gonna give us a B...

Is this a pigeon: But then she took off 10 percent for the constant drug references and profanity that I THOUGHT you edited out, Makoto…

Is this a pigeon: Senpai*!

Hypebeast: I DID! Nagisa put them back the morning it was due!

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-kun…

THUGisa: hehe… ;)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I thought it was funny. The class loved it.

Bad Blowjob: ^^^

Bad Blowjob: I bet they saw me and said damn; who’s that sexy bastard and why doesn’t he go to our school? 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nah, they said damn; who’s that bitch-baby and why is he on the fucking screen?

Bad Blowjob: :C

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: the savagery..

Hypebeast: Yea, well, we would have passed with a C...BUT

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I thought we put this behind us!

Hypebeast: You don’t talk much.

Hypebeast: But the ONE time…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: MAKOTO NO

Hypebeast: you just HAD TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But I kept my promise for the next week…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: About opening my mouth..

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: true

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ?????????

Hypebeast: But still!

Hypebeast: my grade was already borderline in that class >_<

Shoulder Pain: What happened?

Is this a pigeon: Haruka-Senpai got agravaded by the teacher’s disgraceful attitude toward our project and muttered various Curse words, in English, under his breath as he walked away.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: what did he say???

THUGisa: something along the lines of, “Stupid bitch skank hoe ass” or something like that :p

Shoulder Pain: Damn.

Is this a pigeon: we were all shocked.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I can’t believe that bitch heard me.

Hypebeast: well she did AND she was VERY upset with us!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck that hoe

Hypebeast: HARU

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: She can choke. If anything she could’ve just taken points off my grade and not your guy’s.

THUGisa: it was just an extra credit thing for me and and Rei-Chan, sense we were in the lower level English class :/

Is this a pigeon: yes, we don’t understand why Ms. Jones flipped out like that..

Hypebeast: You shouldn’t have said that stuff Haru >_<

Hypebeast: that’s why she took 50 percent off of our grade!!

THUGisa: and that’s why I named it 50 percent off XD XD

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Okay that’s kinda funny… XD

Hypebeast: NO IT’S NOT

Mackerel-more: Fuck Ms. Jones

Bad Blowjob: yeahh she does sound like a bitch tbh

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Takes one to know one 

Hypebeast: either way it fucked my grade.

THUGisa: ooooh~ mom’s cursing again!

Hypebeast: I HAD ALL A’s

Hypebeast: And one B..

Hypebeast: AND THEN A D+ AT THE END OF THE SEMESTER 

Is this a pigeon: *cringes*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

THUGisa: well...it’s a foreign language..It’s hard, Mako-Chan. And besides, you never were that good at English…

Shoulder Pain: Wait, couldn’t your teacher at least round?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: yea. She rounds at 69.5, 79.5, 89.5, etc.

Bad Blowjob: Oof. Did you have lower than that?

Hypebeast:

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You don’t have to say it again Makoto

Hypebeast: I had a 69.49%.

Is this a pigeon: :0

THUGisa: D:

Bad Blowjob: shit

Shoulder Pain: that’s harsh man..

Hypebeast: yea.. I know.

Hypebeast: And now, I’m headed to English class 7-8...because I didn’t pass it in high school :(:

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto..

Hypebeast: goodbye guys

Hypebeast: 50 percent off was a mistake.

Hypebeast is offline.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I gtg

Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline.

Shoulder Pain: welp..that was interesting. You guys did a lot of fun stuff without me, but I’m kinda glad I missed this shit.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: honestly, same.

Bad Blowjob: yea..

Bad Blowjob: welp, I got practice so..bye. 

Bad Blowjob: Thanks for the flashbacks, Nagisa.

THUGisa: No problem Rin-Chan! ;D

Bad blowjob is offline.

Shoulder pain is offline.

Is this a pigeon: I have a migraine.

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-Kun, we have to go to class.

THUGisa: English class with Ms. Jones!

Is this a pigeon: fuck

Is this a pigeon is offline.

THUGisa is offline.


	8. Christmas Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is honestly just quality Christmas crack that is sure to give you a laugh :) If you like song references, a questionable holiday spirit, and Christmas sex, then you’ll have a Blast for sure! If you don’t like these things...still read it... And Merry Christmas!! :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Make us free na Splash! kasaneta hikari no kontrasuto abite

THUGisa: Feel so free na kyou tobikomu oretachi no Brand new blue, yeah

Hypebeast: omouyou ni sei! sei! sei! a-oh

Is this a Pigeon: jibun rashiku kick! kick! kick! a-oh

Bad Blowjob: tsukamitainda pull! pull! pull! a-oh

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: todokisou na deep! deep! deep! Splash Free!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Can’t relate with the group singing kinda thing

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Anyways.. It’s that time of year again so let’s talk about christmas things

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Why?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’m bored and hentaiheaven is not here anymore to entertain me

Bad Blowjob: Oof sorry for your loss

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: <3 ty

Is this a Pigeon: A very sad loss for humanity indeed. My condolences 

THUGisa: BUT FAKKUUUUUUUUUU

Shoulder Pain: ^^ They’re saving hentaihaven

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I don't want a lot for Christmas

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: There is just one thing I need

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I don't care about the presents

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Underneath the Christmas tree

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I don't need to hang my stocking

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: There upon the fireplace

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Santa Claus won't make me happy

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: With a toy on Christmas Day

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I just want hentai heaven for my own

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: More than you could ever know

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Make my wish come true

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: All I want for Christmas is hentai heaven

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hentai baby

Hypebeast: Haru

Hypebeast: did you read the chat…?^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ?

Shoulder Pain: HH is getting saved by Fakku

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You know what. I just wanted to sing a nice christmas song. You know... to be christmasy

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Whatever. 

Bad Blowjob: All I want for christmas is for MCR to come back together

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh my fuckin god

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You say this every year. Dude get over it 

Bad Blowjob: Never

Shoulder Pain: G note

THUGisa: Lmao you’re triggering himm

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you know what else is cool about Christmas?

Hypebeast: Gingerbread Houses? Lights?

Hypebeast: songs? :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Christmas sex

Hypebeast: *Facepalm*

THUGisa: XD Haru-Chan’s right tho!!

Hypebeast: well, that’s nice Haru, but I’ve gotta work on Christmas Eve..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: :0

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: fuck I’m mad again.

Hypebeast: :(

Bad Blowjob: yikes

Bad Blowjob: cockblocked by the job.

Is this a Pigeon: the kids have swimming lessons on Christmas Eve?

Hypebeast: No..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: then…?

Hypebeast: I got a gig as Santa!

Hypebeast: it’ll be so fun to see the looks on the kids faces :)

Bad Blowjob: You sound like a pedo 

THUGisa: ^^What makes it even worse is that they’re gonna sit on Mako-Chan’s lap XD XD

Is this a Pigeon: Oh dear..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I should be the one sitting on your lap on Christmas Eve >:(

Shoulder Pain: Wait. doesn’t he work around naked kids?

Hypebeast: DONT MAKE IT SOUND CREEPY >__<

Bad Blowjob: …

Bad Blowjob: Creepy

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: my manz isn’t a pedo >:(

Bad Blowjob: then wtf is he doing that requires little kids to sit on his lap? Sorry I live in a completely different continent so idk what tf is going on?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: dumb ass

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: he’s a swim coach

Bad Blowjob: oh shit Fr?

Hypebeast: yea

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: He’s always leaving me for kids :(

Hypebeast: The mall Santa job pays well Haru. Please don’t be mad :( I’ll get off work at 4:00pm

Bad Blowjob: OH 

THUGisa: rufffff 

THUGisa: me and Rei-Chan were gonna spend Christmas together again this year   
:3

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Cute. You guys going to fuck?

THUGisa: Probably :D

Is this a Pigeon: as long as he doesn’t make terrible Christmas puns while we do so..

THUGisa: oh c’mon Rei-Chan! I know you love my Christmas puns ~ 

Is this a Pigeon: I most certainly DO NOT

THUGisa: No promises baby

THUGisa: Hurry down my chimney tonight ;) ~

Is this a Pigeon: Oh dear. I’m having flashbacks.

THUGisa: So what are your guys’ plans?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Christmas sex

Bad Blowjob: Casual sex skype call 

Shoulder Pain: wear the Christmas stuff I sent you 

Bad Blowjob: SOUSUKE 

Shoulder Pain: …?

Bad Blowjob: ////

Shoulder Pain: calm tf down. just wear it.

THUGisa: It’s okay, Rin-chan! Rei-chan and I also have Christmas lingerie ;D

Is this a Pigeon: NAGISA-KUN 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: When you have no significant other

Bad Blowjob: Oof

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Can’t relate

Hypebeast: Why not ask out asahi? 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fr tho. He stays thirst trapping you with his tight shirts and shit

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ..!!!!

Hypebeast: I need to wear tighter shirts… :/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I didn’t mean it like that Makoto!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Asahi...maybe you’re right :)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: But wait, what about Ikuya?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hiyori pretty much owns him soo..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: true…

Hypebeast: Wait...are you just calling him for casual Christmas sex..?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean, he’s cute soooo

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: hoe

Shoulder Pain: damn.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Joy to the hoe

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you’s a ho ho ho.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Just ask out Asahi

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That guy is beyond thirsty for your type. No idea why he likes snakes :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: but I’m not Hiyori, soooo :3

Hypebeast: Damn..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: If you want I can send you the 3 am rants he sends me about you being hot 

THUGisa: Damn so you gonna expose asahi like that?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m making sure he never interrupts my sleep at 3 fuckin am

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: It’s a win win situation

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: oooooh~

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: what does he say about me? ~ :D

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: hold up. Imma copy and paste one of his paragraphs 

Hypebeast: don't you think that’s a bit personal..!!?!???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: My sleep is personal 

Shoulder Pain: Damn. Haru really is a savage…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: fuuuck Haru I can’t stand this shit anymore. My dick hurts so fucking bad rn I just want him to ride it so hard rn like shit why Kisumi so fucking hot tho???!!!?! Why can’t he just notice me already??? I’ve gotta start getting tighter pants too I mean, I think I have a pretty good package right? Right???? Shit I hope so he probably gets a lot of good dick too <:( :( :( why can’t it ever be mine??? Shit. Well imma jerk off some more until he can just fucking do it for me already like damn I wanna come on his face so bad. Sorry Ik it’s like 3 am but Ik I can trust you with my secrets Haru. Thanks :)

THUGisa: Little did he know...that You would expose him

Is this a Pigeon: “Ik I can trust you with my secrets Haru.”

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: oh shit

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: don’t tell him I showed you guys this

Hypebeast: Haaaaruuuuuuuu 

Hypebeast: That wasn’t nice at all!! 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: To be fair.. Uninterrupted sleep is also nice

Hypebeast: smh

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: whatever. This means he wants me!! :) :) :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: The real question is, do YOU like him

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Like do you just want to fuck and be done? Cause im not having him cry to me about being used. I’m not the comforting type

Hypebeast: this is true^^ :(

Shoulder Pain: damn.

Bad Blowjob: or, “toot it and boot it,” as the kids say

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: well, he’s always happy to see me..and we get along well…he’s got a cute personality...

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: he looks damn good in that right shirt…

Hypebeast: Kisumi..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: quit being a hoe

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: alright

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I don’t see why I wouldn’t stay with him.. he’s my cute little monkey ;)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ew

Bad Blowjob: wtf

Hypebeast: hehe…?

Shoulder Pain: Okay..

Hypebeast: well, if you do ask him out, we’ll support you guys 100%!!! I think you should go for it! 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ^^^ It would honestly make his Christmas (and my sleep)

THUGisa: yea, show up to his doorstep wearing Christmas lingerie ;D

Is this a Pigeon: Nagisa-kun…

THUGisa: ;3

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: that’s actually...not a bad idea..

Bad Blowjob: That’s.. No… Ask him out normally

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Okay...but I’ll wear the lingerie underneath my clothes on the date ;)

Bad Blowjob: better idea

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ^^^ I mean, I’m pretty sure you’re gonna get laid. Like...he’s hella thirsty for you...

Bad Blowjob: :/

Bad Blowjob: so how are you going to ask him out

Bad Blowjob: Tell us step by step cause likeeeeeeee :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hmm...I guess I’ll just be casual about it… I’ll mention that I’m kinda spending Christmas Eve alone and that I wouldn’t mind his company...we could watch Christmas movies together :)

Hypebeast: That sounds wholesome enough..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: *throwsup*

Hypebeast: Haru!?

Hypebeast: We always watch Christmas movies together… ;,(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: yea...but we end up fucking halfway through them..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: It’s lowkey fun to fuck while a bunch of kids are playing with a talking snowman on the screen singing frosty the snowman...

Hypebeast: …

Bad Blowjob: wtf

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Hypebeast: And you’re calling me the creepy one…

THUGisa: I Don’t kink-shame ;D

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Uhh...so what’s wrong with my approach..?

Bad Blowjob: I mean...it sounds fine to me..

Shoulder Pain: Just try to hint that it’s a date a little more.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: gotcha. 

THUGisa: But don’t scare him away..

THUGisa: Has anyone seen Rei?

Is this a Pigeon: ?

THUGisa: Wyd?

Is this a Pigeon: Christmas things

Bad Blowjob: Like?

Is this a Pigeon: Wrapping presents up, decorating the house.. Christmas things...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Wow that’s pretty normal...

Is this a Pigeon: Ok?

Hypebeast: Oof, I’ve gotta wrap stuff too..!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: What stuff are you wrapping up? 

Makoto just some toys

Hypebeast: Oof! I mean..Uhh...nothing!! ^__^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: -.-

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: just some stuff for my family...

Bad Blowjob: She’s a hoe

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Lmao I remember THAT conversation.

Hypebeast: -.-

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Uhh, change the subject.

THUGisa: what type of toys, Mako-Chan? ;•

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: :)...?

Hypebeast: shut up..

THUGisa: :0 Mom!

Bad Blowjob: ...y’all are weird..

Shoulder Pain: don’t worry, I got toys for you too Rin. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Thank you Mr. Obvious for noticing

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You probs got him a baby rattle

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You know cause he’s a bitch-baby

Bad Blowjob: Dude

Shoulder Pain: I mean...it’s kinda like a rattle???

THUGisa: :0

Is this a Pigeon: wow… I um..

Bad Blowjob: Sousuke…!?

Shoulder Pain: Fuck

Shoulder Pain: I’m about as obvious as Makoto now..

Bad Blowjob: wrgjeihgvng5iugyhbsn

Bad Blowjob: I stg if you actually got a rattle

THUGisa: No fair. Don’t steal my gift ideasssssss Sousuke

Is this a Pigeon: !!??

THUGisa: ;3

Is this a Pigeon: oh dear..

THUGisa: Just exploring some kinks

Is this a Pigeon: No comment

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Baby kinks? 

THUGisa: Is that weird..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I mean..go for it?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You guys are still young and it’s not bad to explore… 

Is this a Pigeon: Senpai... nooo!

THUGisa: Haru-chan sounds like an old, kinky grandpa XD XD XD

Bad Blowjob: JSKJSKSJKSJKSJSK

Shoulder Pain: ^^^^^^!! HAHA

THUGisa: I wonder if Mako-Chan can help us with that, being that he’s around Naked kids all the time :D

Hypebeast: WTF NO

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: HAHAHAHAHJSKJKS FR

Is this a Pigeon: NAGISA-KUN 

Shoulder Pain: I mean...he does kinda treat you guys like kids sometimes 

THUGisa: Riigh? Like I’m sure he treats Haru-Chan like his son or something. Y’know, like he probably says corny stuff like, “My LItTlE hARu-ChAN” XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well, we aren’t complete strangers to the daddy kink..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: SOOOOO christmas?

Is this a Pigeon: REMEMBER THE CHRISTIAN SERVER? THIS IS A CHRISTIAN HOLIDAY???!! REMEMBER?

Bad Blowjob: All I want for christmas is for mcr to get back together

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Bitch i swear if you come at us again with that BS one more time...

Bad Blowjob: MCR is a christian band. This is a valid response

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m bout to catch a case. This emo bitch won’t stfu about MCR

Hypebeast: Haru...please calm down..

THUGisa: Yeah.. Come on let’s have some christmas spirit up in here

Nagisa: FELIZ NAVIDAD

Is this a Pigeon: Mi burrito sabanero voy camino de Belén

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: fucking emo MCR slut hoe bitch

THUGisa: TUKI TUKI TUKI TUKIIII!!!!

Hypebeast: HARU. Be a good boy... or Santa won’t come -___-

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: oh shit

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: sorry Rin.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Translation- Makoto won’t cum ;)

THUGisa: he won’t cum down yo chimney ;)

Is this a Pigeon: Christian server..

THUGisa: Lol idk what that is

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^

Shoulder Pain: Hey, so do you guys have any tips for Santa Clause Foreplay? 

Bad Blowjob: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: wow.

THUGisa: That was blunt as fuccc Sou-Chan XD XD XD

Hypebeast: Well...first you gotta get a suit ig...

Hypebeast: Hmmn How’s your knowledge on christmas song puns about sex

Sousuke: Decent?

Hypebeast: Then you’re pretty much set :D

Is this a Pigeon: Senpai...please..

Shoulder Pain: Litt

Shoulder Pain: Any other advice?

Hypebeast: Hmmm none that comes to mind...other than to act like Santa ig...just hornier.

THUGisa: Mom... 

Shoulder Pain: wait, where should I get the suit?

Shoulder Pain: where’d you get yours?

Hypebeast: …

Shoulder Pain: ..?

Hypebeast: Well..um

Hypebeast: I don’t actually have it yet..

Shoulder Pain: Huh? But haven’t you and Haru done It before..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But the suit was damaged beyond repair.

Hypebeast: //////___\\\\\\\\\\\

Bad Blowjob: Damn…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: It was awesome.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I can feel it now..

Is this a Pigeon: HARUKA-SENPAI 

Bad Blowjob: Hoe.

Hypebeast: Well..i was just gonna use the suit from work tomorrow..

THUGisa: You're gonna steal it????!!

Shoulder Pain: even if you borrowed it, it would still be kinda risky to return it…

Hypebeast: No one would ever expect I did anything with it :D

Hypebeast: They’d just think I brought it home by accident

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Damn Makoto..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: My baby a freaky lil’ thief ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Hypebeast: I can do no wrong

Hypebeast: They literally love me.

Is this a Pigeon: Senpai…

Is this a Pigeon: I don’t condone this “borrowing”

Bad Blowjob: Wow...character development.

THUGisa: ^^^ 

Shoulder Pain: So you’re honestly saying that they would think you didn’t notice bringing a big ass santa costume home?

Hypebeast: Yes? 

Hypebeast: I’ll just say I got home, took a long ass nap, and at 11:30 woke up and realized I had both bags on accident.

Hypebeast: and they aren’t open on Christmas soooooo

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: You know. I half expected you to have a supreme style santa costume

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Cause ur a hypebeast

Hypebeast: actually...this time it’s Nike…

THUGisa: LOL WOT

Hypebeast: i was just as surprised as you are..

Bad Blowjob: Wth? Nike doesn’t make Santa costumes.

Hypebeast: i mean...I’m santa clause for the Nike outlet store...so I have to advertise..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: welp. Looks like I’m fucking a hypebeast on Christmas Day.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Just do it?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: More like, Just do me..( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Hypebeast: I guess We’re have Christmas and Nike themed sex now, Haru-Chan ^__^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: once a hypebeast, always a hypebeast.

Hypebeast: :/

Is this a Pigeon: What even is this chat

Is this a Pigeon: I thought we could all have a wholesome conversation for once

Is this a Pigeon: I was wrong.

Is this a Pigeon: All I want for christmas is a vanilla style chat

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Awww

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: fuc that.

Bad Blowjob: ^^^

Hypebeast: i like chocolate better. Especially chocolate cake... (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15489561)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ayyyyeeee I got you babe ;)

Shoulder Pain: Yea honestly fuck that vanilla crap. 

THUGisa: crack is fun^

Is this a Pigeon: Fuck 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It’s a christmas miracle. We got you to curse

THUGisa: OWO

Bad Blowjob: Welcome to the fucked club :D

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Isn’t he a top?

Shoulder Pain: Aren’t they testing out kinks? Maybe switching roles is one they’re testing

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: True

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: switching can be fun..

Bad Blowjob: Sousuke hasn’t let me try yet >:(

Shoulder Pain: what? You wanna fuck me?

Bad Blowjob: I mean...kind of???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Rin

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Take it from me

Bad Blowjob: WTF NO HARU

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: if your man’s cock is a big and beautiful as Makoto’s...why not shove it in? It’s honestly a waste.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Sousuke’s* in your case 

Hypebeast: Haru…! <3…?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: WTF RIN

Bad Blowjob: Sorry, I misunderstood..

Shoulder Pain: -.-

Is this a Pigeon: I’m going to sleep. Good Night. Happy Holidays. Cya next year.

THUGisa: Wait

THUGisa: before I go, i just wanna wish you guys a merry Christmas! Luv you hoes :3

Hypebeast: Aww, thank you. Nagisa.

Shoulder Pain: And Merry Christmas sex. 

THUGisa: OOH YEA, good luck getting laid Kissme ;3

THUGisa: Aaaaaaand don’t forget about our New Year’s Eve event ;)

Is this a Pigeon: Damn… I forgot about that.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: what?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nagisa...you weren’t supposed to say it in the chat..

THUGisa: Oops..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: What event…?

Shoulder Pain: you fucked up.

Bad Blowjob: ^^^

Hypebeast: i mean...I don’t see the harm in Kisumi coming along..

Hypebeast: BUT I AM NOT PARTICIPATING IN YOUR SUGGESTED EVEN HARU

Shoulder Pain: ^^^^^^^^^ SAME, RIN.

Bad Blowjob: Pfft. You’ll be so wasted that you’ll give into it.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ^^^ you’re in charge of getting Sousuke drunk. I’ll take care of Makoto.

Is this a Pigeon: ...I thought it was gonna be a normal party..a simple, innocent get-together..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well, I have practice tomorrow morning even though it’s Christmas Eve..so later.

Bad Blowjob: same^^^ later, and Merry Christmas guys <3

Shoulder Pain: look out for my Skype call.

Bad Blowjob: will do. Later y’all.

Shoulder Pain: later babe

Bad Blowjob is offline.

Shoulder Pain is offline.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’ll have the stuff ready for you when you get home Makoto. ;)

Hypebeast: I’ll have the suit :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: fuck yea. Later y’all and Merry Christmas and stuff. See y’all hoes on New Years.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline.

THUGisa: Merry Christmas guys, and you know the drill, Rei-Chan! ;3

Is this a Pigeon: This chat is pure insanity. Merry Christmas, I suppose…

Is this a Pigeon is offline.

THUGisa is offline.

Hypebeast: I’ll send you the details about New Years, Kisumi. You can bring Asahi if you’d like as well..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :) thank you Makoto!

Hypebeast: Np. Goodnight...And Merry Christmas! 

Hypebeast is offline.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: let’s hope I get laid tomorrow :,)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: i honestly just want dick for Christmas.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: damn..I’m horny… :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel is offline.


	9. New Year, New Mistakes!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Behold, a New Year's special featuring all our favorite, hilarious, way-too-sexually active boys! They basically talk about their New Year's Shenanegains and it's fun... ;D

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Y’all… my head hurts

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Bitch

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: all our heads hurt

Hypebeast: Haru, please.. I’m too tired to lecture you about being nice..

Hypebeast: Is this really how you want to start out the new year?

Shoulder Pain: Guys, its 2:30pm. You guys should feel fine by now.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Well EXCUSE US for not being able to take alcohol as well as you and Rin :/

Shoulder Pain: Nope. Just me. Rin is upstairs still in bed with a hangover.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Shit, all of us are.

THUGisa: Good Morning guys, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!! XD :D (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

Is this a Pigeon: It’s the afternoon Nagisa.. 

THUGisa: Did I stutter?

Is this a Pigeon: No. You can’t stutter on text… 

Is this a Pigeon: Soo..

THUGisa: :/

Bad Blowjob: Fuck guys

Bad Blowjob: I’m nevefr drinking that much ever again…

Hypebeast: Never*

Bad Blowjob: Its too early fro that shit Makoto..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: For*

Bad Blowjob: >:(

Shoulder Pain: You always say that after you drink.

Shoulder Pain: Then you get wasted the next weekend.

Bad Blowjob: …  
Bad Blowjob: shuddup

THUGisa: I feel fine guys!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Then why tf did you say Good morning?

THUGisa: Becuase i knew you guys just woke up ;)

Hypebeast: I find it weird that Nagisa can handle alcohol better than us...he’s significantly smaller than us…

THUGisa: Well maybe it’s because I’m a thug.

Hypebeast: No..

THUGisa: Yeeeaahhh I am! Juuuuuust like in the video project ;)

Hypebeast: STOP

Is this a Pigeon: What a terrible way to start the new year…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I started the new year getting laid 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: SO I FEEL GREAT

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You’ve been fuckin him since Christmas you whore

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hell yeah~ ( `ε´ )

Hypebeast: Yea… all you did was get drunk and start talking about how you had sex with Asahi...it got really wierd..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Bitch started going on about how his ass hurt 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hehe...did I?

Is this a Pigeon: I’m afraid Haruka and Makoto-senpai are correct…

Bad Blowjob: Then you started rubbing on Haru’s plants and comparing them to dicks…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I burned those fucking plants.

Hypebeast: I don’t think that was very necessary, Haru...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yes it was.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: He could have pollinated them with his damn semen

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I am not growing Kisumi plants

Is this a Pigeon: That’s not even possible Haruka senpai..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Wait

Kiisumi: I came on your plants..?

Shoulder Pain: Yeah you did. 

Bad Blowjob: Then Haru started laughing, saying that a plant can get you off better than Asahi. Then ASahi started to cry. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Then you guys started to get.. Heated. Sexually.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

Kisiumi: Damn..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I..um..

THUGisa: Yeahh it was HILARIOUS

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: was Asahi okay?

THUGisa: Emotionally, no. He was already unstable after drinking a few shots soo he became even more unstable

Hypebeast: That’s to be expected.. I mean he couldn’t handle weed brownies all too well either, hehe… (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662295)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: HA yea..He was tripping balls..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I remember the balls… ;)

Bad Blowjob: Soooo are we not gonna bring up the sword battle or twerk off?? Or did we erase that from memory...

THUGisa: OOOOOHHHH THAT SHIT WAS TURNNNNTTTTT

Is this a Pigeon: Again with the ratchet-ness, Nagisa-Kun..

Is this a Pigeon: I wish I could forget taking part in the “sword battle”

Hypebeast: NEVER SPEAK OF IT.

Shoulder Pain: ^^^^

THUGisa: Rei-Chaaaannnn! It was fuuun tho!

Is this a Pigeon: why did I have to participate though???

THUGisa: It was Ukes Vs. Ukes and Semes Vs. Semes!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Even though he took a fat L…

THUGisa: :/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I enjoyed it.

Bad Blowjob: Same. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Bad Blowjob: Good job taking care of Makoto

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And good job taking care of Sousuke.

Hypebeast: Why is it that you two work well together while plotting our embarrassing demise?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Cause it’s hot?

Bad Blowjob: And we all got laid in the end

THUGisa: And may we remind you that you guys got a free lap dance from us. SO it’s a win win situation (・`ω´・)

Hypebeast: Smh..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I have no idea what happened during the fight, soooo

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: We finally saw it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Bad Blowjob: The fight of the century.

Shoulder Pain: For the record, I have never been that drunk before in my life.

THUGisa: Weeeeeellll~

Bad Blowjob: I can see it now…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I can hear it now..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: The slapping...( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bad Blowjob: Fuck yea…

THUGisa: It was hotttttt ~

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: actually, That was the first time I saw your Manz’s dick

Bad Blowjob: Ditto

Bad Blowjob: Respect

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Same to you.

Hypebeast: Sousuke…

Shoulder Pain: Are they complimenting our dicks..?

THUGisa: Yea

Hypebeast: wait… does this mean that they will finally stop arguing about them?!

Is this a Pigeon: That is a possibility…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Actually...yea. I was too drunk to remember or care who won tbh..

Bad Blowjob: Same

Is this a Pigeon: Pffft I know it wasnt me :(

THUGisa: Awwwww it’s okay Rei-Chan ;3

Hypebeast: I mean… I can’t help but remember it… I wish I could have been too drunk to remember..

Shoulder Pain: If it makes you feel any better.. It was a cute little thing Rei..

Is this a Pigeon: I feel kinda offended

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: damn

Bad Blowjob: PFFT SOUSUKE

Shoulder Pain: what?

Is this a Pigeon: We’re not doing This again… Leave that to the waterguns...please..

THUGisa: hehe…

Is this a Pigeon: You know how about we change topic.. Let’s talk about the twerk off. 

Hypebeast: well… I think I remember who won actually..

Is this a Pigeon: Aaaannnnd I’m being ignored yet again...

Bad Blowjob:?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ?

THUGisa: ????

Shoulder Pain: Same here

Shoulder Pain: as much as I hated it.. I think we both remember who won 

Hypebeast: yep

Shoulder Pain: me

Hypebeast: Me

Bad Blowjob:...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

THUGisa: …

Is this a Pigeon: oh dear..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: wow

Hypebeast: Haha…

Shoulder Pain: I’m more thicc than you. So I have more to show off.

Hypebeast: I mean ..it was a battle, not a show off thing...and I was a tad bit longer… so y’know...when i slapped you that one time, you kinda fell back because i kinda reached… um.. Yeah..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: well that got graphic...

Is this a Pigeon: What the hell guys?

THUGisa: Rei. Who do you think won? Cause you didn’t drink so much.. So you should know :D

Hypebeast: YEAH HO DO YOU THINK WON? It was ME right?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto… Lets not sweat the details…

Bad Blowjob: Yea^^

Shoulder Pain: I mean… it was OBVIOUSLY me… Right Rei? -_-

Is this a Pigeon: I...Um..

Hypebeast: …

Shoulder Pain: …

Rei is offline 

THUGisa: You guys scared Rei-Chan away :( :( :(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you guys put too much pressure on him.

Bad Blowjob: Yea. You guys are no better than me an Hrau at this Point.

Hypebeast: yea.. But..

Shoulder Pain: I mean… I think I did pretty damn good sooo

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto, If you don’t stop this you’re not getting this ass for a week.

Hypebeast: 

Bad Blowjob: That goes for you too Sousuke.

Shoulder Pain:

Hypebeast: It’s not worth it.

Shoulder Pain: Yea. Truce?

Hypebeast: truce.

THUGisa: :0

THUGisa: If only Rei-Chan were here to see this ;’) You guys actually solving problems 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: IMO Asahi was the best. I loved how his cute little ass went up and down and up and down all for me. It reminds me of when he rides my dick… Just thinking about it makes me hard. His hot breaths and moans that spill out everytime he drops down on my rock hard cock..Now I want Asahi to twerk on me. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No. Slut. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: wtf are you even talking about? Sex?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Whatever. You ruined the sexiness. Change the subject.

Rei is online

Is this a Pigeon: I’m glad to see that you guys have worked out your issues :)

Is this a Pigeon: well, Things were going fine until I read Kisumi’s Paragraph. :(

Bad Blowjob: Speaking of asses going up and down, the twerk battle was gooood

Shoulder Pain: Hell yea it was :)

Hypebeast: I can’t lie.. It was good! ( ´ ▽ ` )

THUGisa: See? Even mom liked it :D

Is this a Pigeon: It was certainly more tame than the other activities we partook in last night…

Shoulder Pain: Yea… Rin’s ass is amazing… like damn..

THUGisa: Honestly, Rin-Chan could be a GOOD stripper ;)

Bad Blowjob: Shit Nagisa, you’d make an even better one.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ^^^ You’re very flexible. 

Hypebeast: ^^^

THUGisa: Aww, Thanks guys ;3

Is this a Pigeon: Yes, indeed...as obscene as I find the activity of twerking to be...you were very beautiful, Nagisa-Kun!

THUGisa: Rei-Chan…~ <3

Bad Blowjob: If my swimming career becomes a flop. You know where to find me

THUGisa: In the gay bar?

Bad Blowjob: In the gay bar :D

THUGisa: Shiiit I’ll see you there XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’ll see you sluts there too

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto better be ready to give me the big bucks for my ass too

Hypebeast: I mean… I didn’t even know you could move like that, Haru-Chan..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You liked it a lot? ;)

Hypebeast: Yea.. I did..

Bad Blowjob: … If I wasn’t already taken...I’d be all over your ass

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Be good, and I’ll do it for you again...in private, Makoto...<3

Hypebeast: Fuck… gimme a few minutes

THUGisa: Mom cursed again..!

Bad Blowjob: You got him wrapped around your finger, Haru.

Shoulder Pain: Yea, He probably went to jerk off or something.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea. Makoto won’t admit it, but he’s an ass guy.

Shoulder Pain: Good man.

THUGisa: He’s gonna jerk off to your 50% off videossssss 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ew the fuck? 

Bad Blowjob: Like… there was a sexy vibe in the chat, but then you said THAT Nagisa…

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Is this a Pigeon: I don’t even remember ringing in the new year tbh

Is this a Pigeon: On the topic of the new year.. What are your guy’s resolutions?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: To get more dick from Asahi

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Smh..I should have told Asahi to just forget about your thirsty ass.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

Shoulder Pain: I would like for my shoulder to get better...so I can swim with you guys again

Bad Blowjob: AW that’s sweet

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I look forward to swimming with you guys

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yeah!

Hypebeast: I’ll be cheering for you

Shoulder Pain: And..Also so that I can fuck Rin better without feeling pain

Hypebeast: …

Is this a Pigeon: And I thought the chat was finally being wholesome for once..

Is this a Pigeon: This is why we can’t have nice things

Bad Blowjob: I look forward to the Painless sex

Bad Blowjob: I mean… it’s not like i don’t feel pain too or anything…

Bad Blowjob: You know.. Because it’s kinda hard to bottom and your dick is big, soo…

Shoulder Pain: …

Bad Blowjob: I mean, you wouldn’t know that though… you never bottom...or even let me try soo..

Bad Blowjob: Fuck it, Sousuke, My New Year’s resolution is to finally FUCK YOU HARD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: How the fuck did you basically write a 2000 word essay just to say you want to have sex

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Also you should add getting better at blowjobs to the list

Bad Blowjob: SHUT UP

Bad Blowjob: We go through this every single fucking time we talk in this FUCKING CRACK ASS CHAT

Is this a Pigeon: MY BLOWJOBS ARE FUCKING EXCELLENT 

Bad Blowjob: RIGHT SOUSUKE!!!!??!? 

Shoulder Pain: Rin, stop crying.

Bad Blowjob: WTFFFFFF DUDE STOOOOOOP

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I take it back.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Your New Year’s resolution should be to not be such a bitch-baby anymore. Y’know..to stop all that crying and shit.

THUGisa: Lmao

THUGisa: My new years resolution is to have fun with all my friends

Is this a Pigeon: That’s...oddly wholesome...but not specific at all, Nagisa-Kun…

Hypebeast: ^^^

THUGisa: I can describe how I want to have fun

THUGisa: To start.. I want to see this chat go to chaos everyday

THUGisa: I want Rei to fuck me more often

THUGisa: I want to suck some dick with Haru

THUGisa: Get high with Kisumi

THUGisa: Finally start that stripping career with Rin and Haru

Is this a Pigeon: We get it.

Is this a Pigeon: Stop. 

Bad Blowjob: looking Forward to it :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: wait, so we’re gonna have like… a dick-sucking circle..?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Sounds fun to me ;D

Is this a Pigeon: I’m beginning to develop an inferiority complex due to the way I am CONSTANTLY being ignored in this ABOMINATION of a group chat.

THUGisa: Lol

THUGisa: Everyone shut up and let Rei-chan talk

Shoulder Pain: the floor is yours little buddy.

Is this a Pigeon: My New Year’s resolution is to have at one normal vanilla conversation in this group chat.

THUGisa: your wish is my command :)

THUGisa: Hi Haru-Chan *giggles* How are you ;)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I'm doing good *blushes* How are you *hides smile under hand*

THUGisa: I'm doing great!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: really? *giggles and smiles at Makoto* 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Um.. uh.. *blushes hard* How A-are you m-Makoto? *looks away* 

Hypebeast: *walks out of pool while wearing a soaking wet white shirt* I'm doing good. But I'm kinda wet right now teehee. You can say I'm dripping with good looks. *flexes muscles*

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: *blush intensifies* Ah- M-Makoto..baka! *runs away while crying but is also blushing* 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: *bumps into Rin and makes makes a cute noise* Kyah! Rin??

Bad Blowjob: *looks down at Haru then smiles and ruffles Haru’s hair* Oh hey Haru. Didn't see you there *winks* 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh hey Rin *smiles and looks at Rin’s half naked body* Ah~ Um.. *looks away embarrassed* You have a nice.. body.. Rin 

Bad Blowjob: Oh. Well thanks Haru. *whispers in ear* You don't look half bad yourself 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ah~ Rin my ear is sensitive!

Bad Blowjob: *still whispering in Haru’s ear* Oops my bad~

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: B-B-BAKA *runs away like a princess*

Bad Blowjob: Teehee *knocks his head like they do in anime to be silly* 

THUGisa: *looks at the pool entrance and blinks adorably* O-oh? Is that.. Sou-Chan? ~

Shoulder Pain: Yes, it is me. *Actually smiles for once while holding out a pretty pink tupperware bento box thingy* And I’ve made cookies!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ohh~ I LOVE your cookiies Sou-Chan!! *takes bite with eyes closed* MMMmmm~~~~ They’re sooooooo delicious Sou-chan!~ 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: *while running he bumps into Kisumi* Kyah! GOMENASAI DEKU *bows*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: *chokes on cookie* Ha-RU!?

Bad Blowjob: *Looks at Haru’s ass while he bows and gets a nosebleed* 

Hypebeast: *raises eyebrow at Rin* Rin.. *yandere look* Are you.. Having...naughty thoughts about MY Haru-Chan?? *tilts head aggressively* Hmmm? 

Bad Blowjob: *sweats and turns blue while simultaneously losing dangerous amounts of blood through his nose* So what if I am? - . -

Hypebeast: *pulls Sousuke’s poisoned cookies out of nowhere* Mmm it's ok... You can take a good look if you want *turns away and whispers so Rin can’t hear i* cause you won't be able to when you're dead.. *turns back to Rin and smiles innocently* here have a cookie <3

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: *watching the interaction from afar* Makoto is sooo nice kyah~ *blushing intensifies*

Bad Blowjob: O-oh...okay, Mako-chan...Arigato *hesitantly takes the cookie and bites it*

THUGisa: OOOOO I want a bite too! *Snatches cookie and takes a bite* WOW! THESE ARE- GPEJVOSOVJODGI ockwpvnwpv ofjs fka lfoe *gagging noises* 

Bad Blowjob: I...I dont feel so good.. *turns even bluer and begins to gag as well* 

Shoulder Pain: * Tears up* ...I-I didn’t know my cooking was so..terrible…. GOMENASAI!!!!! *blushed and bows like a bitch* 

Hypebeast: *chuckles*

Bad Blowjob: *blood tears rolls down face* *coughs up blood* *gagging noises* *hand twitches as he raises it to reach for help* someone... Anyone… hel-l-help! 

THUGisa: *spasms on ground* ofkalfkakvwfm

Hypebeast: Oh dear~ *makes fake innocent face while holding hands to cheeks*... looks like something went terribly wrong...

Shoulder Pain: I HAVE DISHONORED MY FAMERY FOR MAKING HORRIBLE COOKIES. I DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE ARMS. I SHALL CUT THEM OFF SO NO ONE HAS TO SUFFER ANYMORE *Grabs an axe and starts hacking* Ahhhh *sobs*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: *munches on non-poisoned cookies* They need some milk teehee 

Hypebeast: *walks over tor Haru* Hi~

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: *blushes* MAKOTO *throws himself into Makoto’s beefy, still dripping wet arms* I-I-I always liked you! 

Hypebeast: *hugs Haru tight* Awwww really? Well I like you too *sniffs Haru’s hair* 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: *Bites lip to muffle moan* My Virgin hair has been defiled~

Hypebeast: We’ll be together forever Haru-chan~ *whispers quietly* F o r e v e r~

Is this a Pigeon: …

Is this a Pigeon: *screams in anguish*

Is this a Pigeon: *Rei cries blood*

THUGisa: Sooooo Rei-Chan~... How did you like your Vanilla chat ;D

Is this a Pigeon: I want a divorce.

THUGisa: :0

Is this a Pigeon: I want a refund.

Is this a Pigeon: I...want justice..

Bad Blowjob: sorry dude. We’re literally only capable of producing crack.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: this was cringey *blushes*

Hypebeast: ^^^^

Bad Blowjob: yeah… *pretends to never have never pretended to stare at Haru’s ass*

Shoulder Pain: *pretends to have never felt a bit jealous about it :/*

Hypebeast: ^^^

Bad Blowjob: ...

Is this a Pigeon: *Pretends to never have revealed his New Year’s resolution*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: it was kinda fun role playing. Also Haru wtf. “Virgin hair”?? I was dead XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: My Hair is fucking precious. 

Shoulder Pain: Same.. I was so confused but it was funny

Bad Blowjob: Makoto is a yandere. He killed me off :/

Hypebeast: lol, i was just claiming what was rightfully mine :)

Shoulder Pain: ...damn

Bad Blowjob: ^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ...I mean...He’s right…

THUGisa: Look at mom being all assertive and shiiiit~ ;3

Hypebeast: Actually...that’s part of my New Year’s resolution.. 

Hypebeast: To y’know...be more..assertive… 

Shoulder Pain: I like how you typed that in the most nervous way.

Bad Blowjob: Fr dude, you’ve gotta stop using ellipsis when you type when you’re trying to be assertive. 

Hypebeast: I know..I’ve been trying to be more assertive irl too.. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Like when you told my coach that he couldn’t eat near the pool XD

Hypebeast: haha, yeah

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You should’ve seen Makoto. It was hilariously awkward, but my bae laid down the fucking law and told my coach what was really good. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: It was hot.

Bad Blowjob: really?

THUGisa: Look at mom being assertive~

Is this a Pigeon: Wow...That’s even more assertive than when Makoto-senpai was our team captain..

Hypebeast: :/

Shoulder Pain: Good job, Makoto.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^

Hypebeast: It wasn’t even that big of a deal guys...

Bad Blowjob: There you go with the ellipsis again. 

Hypebeast: Whoops. Sorry!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You better take that attitude to the bedroom. I want to feel it when you fuck me.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck me with your attitude, Makoto…

Hypebeast: ...Uhh

Hypebeast: okay, Haru.?

Bad Blowjob: Wtf

THUGisa: Anywaaaayyyyyy, Haru-chan! What’s your New Year’s Resolution???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: TO SWIM FREE. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: *drops mic*

Bad Blowjob: Fuck

Bad Blowjob: Again with this stupid shit

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: it’s not stupid. It’s FREE!!!

Hypebeast: Haha, typical, Haru.

Is this a Pigeon: I am unphased at Haruka-senpai’s response.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^

THUGisa: That’s our Haru-Chan!! ;p

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yeah. I’m gonna have to cut the convo short guys

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Morning practice is a bitch

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No breaks. 

Shoulder Pain: Again, it’s 3:30pm...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well I’m hungover af and I need to catch up on my beauty sleep

Bad Blowjob: same here. Gotta catch my flight back to Austrailia tmr

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yikess

THUGisa: Awwwwwwwwwww

THUGisa: Well then, thanks for the super fun night guysss!!! ;D

Bad Blowjob: ^^^ 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^^ Yeahhh, Thanks for inviting me Makoto!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: what

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You invited the bitch?

Hypebeast: Haruuuuuu, be nice.

Hypebeast: And you don’t remember?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Remember what?

Hypebeast: Kisumi and Asahi… 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: TBH he and asahi were too busy fuckin in the corner so I kinda just erased them from memory

Hypebeast: Understandable

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel:... why can’t you be happy that I got some dick for once?? :(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Idgaf about how much dick you get. Just don’t do that shit in my house and then start fucking my plants!

Shoulder Pain: ^^ understandable..

Bad Blowjob: Yep. Welp, see ya guys!

Shoulder Pain: Wait

Shoulder Pain: Before you leave, come over, Rin..

Bad Blowjob: ..? Why?

Shoulder Pain: well… uh

THUGisa: Awwwwww, Sou-chan’s gonna miss you because you’re going all the way back to Australia!

Bad Blowjob: Right! I’ll be there babe.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: He probably wants to fuck since your ass is never here in Japan.

Hypebeast: Haru!! I’m sure it’s about more than just sex..

Shoulder Pain: Well..that’s part of it, sooo..

Bad Blowjob: then I’ll be RIGHT over… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I kinda want to fuck Asahi rn.. Start the new year with a bang ;)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Slut

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean… You’ve been getting fucked by Makoto for years now soooo… How am I the slut..?

Hypebeast:...

THUGisa: OOooooohh

Is this a Pigeon: He talked back to Haruka-senpai… usually he just takes the abuse quite easily…!

Bad Blowjob: LOL you dead

Mackerel-more’s a Savage:

Bad Blowjob: Riiiiight well I’d love to stay for the shit-show that’s about to go down, but I've got a dick appointment of my own to tend to...( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Shoulder Pain: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bad Blowjob is offline.

Shoulder Pain is offline.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage:

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Sluts.

Hypebeast: :/

THUGisa: That’s my line ;3

Hypebeast: Nagaisa, please...shut up.

THUGisa: MOM!!?? :( :( :(

Is this a Pigeon: You know how Makoto-senpai feels about references to the video project.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m mad. 

Hypebeast: :(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto, come over.

Hypebeast: …?

Hypebeast: Why?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

THUGisa: Hypocrite, Haru-chan! XP

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline. 

Hypebeast: I better go see Haru.. Goodbye guys, and happy New Year!!

THUGisa: Bye, Mako-chan!!!!!!

Is this a Pigeon: Goodbye, Makoto-Senpai!

Hypebeast is offline.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Well, time to go get laid again ^__^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Later guys!

THUGisa: You go get that dick, Kissme!!! (ﾉ◕3◕)ﾉ

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I will..! ;’)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel is offline.

THUGisa: Weeeelllll, Rei-chan??? ;3

Is this a Pigeon: Why must this chat’s conversations always end with everyone saying that they must leave to go have sex?

Is this a Pigeon: Is sex all you guys think about???

THUGisa: …

THUGisa: of COURSE Rei-chan!! Now

THUGisa: Rei-Chan, let’s have sex… ;D

Is this a Pigeon: NO NAGISA-KUN.

THUGisa: I’ll be over at your place in like, 10 minutes.

Is this a Pigeon: NAGISA, NO.

THUGisa: Aaaaaannnnd, I’ll wear your favorite pair of...you know the rest, Rei-Chan… ;3

Is this a Pigeon: 

Is this a Pigeon: The door will be unlocked..

THUGisa: Yaaayyyyy!! Thank you Rei-Chan!!

THUGisa is offline.

Is this a Pigeon: I can’t stand this family.

Is this a Pigeon is offline.


	10. The Loss Of Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Characters talk about their first times and how funny, silly, sexy and/or sweet, adorable, and awkward they were! (But of course, things take a wrong turn.) Please, enjoy their shenanigans once more and comment, Kudo, and all that! ;P

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: So

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck he started talking again.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Well you guys never say shiiiiiit!!

Bad Blowjob: He’s right.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hissssss

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Anyway, I’ve been having a lot of sex recently.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hoe

Hypebeast: We know…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Asahi won’t Shut up about it.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Really?! He talks about me a lot?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: too much.

Hypebeast: It’s becoming repetitive and kinda explicit…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ^^^ I’m starting to regret setting you guys up. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :(

Hypebeast: Well, I haven’t seen Asahi so happy in a long time...it’s kinda nice :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Pffft Whatever. what do you want bitch?

Bad Blowjob: Damn Haru...

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Well, since I’ve been having so much sex, it got me thinking…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: About how much of a hoe you are?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Noooo, I wish :(

Hypebeast: :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I wanted to know...do any of you have interesting stories about your first time?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Hypebeast: haha what?

Bad Blowjob: I mean...kind of??

Shoulder Pain: ^^^

THUGisa: OMG YESSS

Is this a pigeon: Oh dear..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oooooh~ spill the tea about it guys ;D

THUGisa: hmmm...only if you go first, Kissme!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Don’t encourage him Nagisa.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hmmm...well..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Promise you won’t tell Asahi..?

THUGisa: Girl, yes. What happens in this chat STAYS in this chat ;D

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: What happens in this chat gets added to the blackmail I have on all of you

Hypebeast: Haruuu

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’ll take it.

Bad Blowjob: Wow, he finna get exposed.

Is this a pigeon: Correction: We’re ALL going to get exposed.

Shoulder Pain: lol yea^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Okay, well...Asahi wasn’t my first.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Duh

Hypebeast: We could’ve guessed that. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: really?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yes, you carry the aura of a hoe. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

Hypebeast: Haruuu please

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Am I wrong tho? You remember how thirsty he was for your ass in middle school. 

Hypebeast: Kisumi was thirsty for me?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But he was more thirsty for Asahi

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Wait.. What do you mean.. Did you not notice how thirsty he was for you??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: One time he was like, “sit on my lap!”

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: OH Yeah! XD XD That was funny!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: fuckn’ perv

Bad Blowjob: Damn 

Hypebeast: I thought he was just being friendly?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You’re lucky I like your dick

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: while that may be true, It obviously wasn’t Makoto or Asahi

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Umm, duh bitch!

THUGisa: Oof, you’re gonna trigger Haru-Chan!

Bad Blowjob: Where’s this story even going?

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Honestly, nowhere, lol. The first person I fucked was the captain of the basketball team at my high school. 

Shoulder Pain: Wow.

Is this a pigeon: How underwhelming..

Bad Blowjob: Ikr

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Aaaaaaannnd we did it in the coach’s office, on her desk ;)

Hypebeast: ...Oof 

THUGisa: Zayummm

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ur such a hoe. The place doesn’t matter as long as you get fucked

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Who said I was the one getting fucked? :/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: :P

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Whatever, one of you guys go next. 

THUGisa: OOOHH ME!

Is this a pigeon: Oh no.

THUGisa: Actually, no.

THUGisa: I’m saving the best story for lasttt! ;) ;) ;$

Is this a pigeon: Oh dear...My suffering has been put in hold.

Shoulder Pain: Was it that bad? 

Is this a pigeon: Yes. Yes, it was.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ooooh! Can’t wait to hear it ~

THUGisa: mmmhh! The tea is heating up...it’ll be HOT later ;) ;) ;)

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ok ig…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ok then! Who goes next???

*5 minutes pass*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: guyssssssssss

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I told you my story! Don’t be so shy!

THUGisa: ^^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Haru. Since you keep calling me a Hoe, why don’t you tell us about your first time? :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck you.

Hypebeast: :(

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I expected that response. Sooooooo

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Makoto!! Spill the beans!

Hypebeast: erm..idk..

THUGisa: C’mon Mako-chan!! Quit being so boring :(

Hypebeast: Only if it’s ok with Haru..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Idc. I just didn’t want to do what the hoe asked me to do.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :(

Hypebeast: Sorry, Kisumi. It’s been a while since we’ve...Yeah..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ahhh that explains it XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ;(

Hypebeast: What?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Just start already!1!!

Hypebeast: Okay! Let’s see…

Hypebeast: Well, Umm.. me and Haru first did it at his place when we graduated from middle school... and it was..umm.. great..?

THUGisa: Vague.

Is this a pigeon: ^^

THUGisa: More details!!

Hypebeast: Um..ok. Well, it started out kinda shaky..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yeah. Shaky just like you. 

Hypebeast: I’M SORRY

THUGisa: Tea???

Bad Blowjob: I went to go get food. Sorry.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Shhhhhhhh! Can’t you see that Makoto ‘s tryna tell us his story??

Bad Blowjob: Ooooh this should be good >:)

Shoulder Pain: ^^ (I also got food)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Suuuurrrree you did. Now hush!

Hypebeast: Right, so we did the usual..we took off our clothes..we um..got the stuff from the Nightstand drawer...and yeah <:)

THUGisa: Wtf

Bad Blowjob: Laaaanmmmee

Shoulder Pain: My shoulder Pain is back, because that was so boring.

Hypebeast: Well Sorry! I still get flustered thinking about it...Haru-Chan was just so cute and amazing and I just...got absorbed in the moment ig..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Omg Makoto.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Okay, fine. So here’s the real “tea”

THUGisa: Ooooh~~~

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^!!!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Our first time was a mess. 

Hypebeast: I wouldn’t call it that…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: First of all, Makoto got the wrong size condoms. 

THUGisa: HA

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I was in charge of getting the lube and this dude shows up at my house with condoms like 3 sizes too small. 

Bad Blowjob: HAHAHA

Shoulder Pain: C’mon Makoto. You should know better. 

Hypebeast: I WAS YOUNG AND UNINFORMED HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW???

Is this a pigeon: Well, perhaps you could have researched some kind of sizing chart…?

Bad Blowjob: He prolly got some 99 cent store condoms or something

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: so yea, then when he finally got the shit on his dick without ripping it, because he ripped frikin 3 of them, I told him I already “prepared” myself, which confused him. 

Bad Blowjob: Yep, definitely cheap ass condoms.

Hypebeast: For the record, it’s difficult to research this type of stuff when you’ve got little siblings constantly watching you all the time..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: True, but why tf couldn’t you find my asshole?

Bad Blowjob: Wait, What?

Is this a pigeon: Did I read that correctly? Do I have dyslexia? 

THUGisa: Mako-Chan… COULDN'T FIND THE HOLE??? 

THUGisa: HAHAHA JSKJSKJSKJSK 

Bad Blowjob: C’mon Makoto..Haru’s not a girl. There’s one (1) hole..how could you possibly miss it?

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: I WAS NERVOUS OK??!1

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: So Yea, he was just kinda poking around down there for a whole ass minute, so I was like, “wtf is taking so long?” He looked at me so frikin scared and was like, “H-Haru...where is it!?” 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I AM DECEASED.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: GONE.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Then, when I finally showed him, he started panicking again saying that it wouldn’t work because it was too small, so that took like 10 minutes of convincing. 

Hypebeast: IT WAS INTIMIDATINGLY SMALL I THOUGHT IT WOULDN’T FIT! I just didn’t want to hurt you!!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And you’re intimidatingly big, but that shit didn’t stop me.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Guess what happened he finally stuck it in.

Bad Blowjob: Wow. That’s worse than me.

Shoulder Pain: Well...not really actually.

Bad Blowjob: >:(

Shoulder Pain: :/

THUGisa: Uhh

Bad Blowjob: Nothing, go on.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: So, when Makoto finally got in, and it took him another 5 minutes just to do that while asking if I was ok every other second,

THUGisa: Awww Mako-chan XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: he starts getting all sentimental and starts crying.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto literally cried. 

Hypebeast: HARUUUU /////

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHGHAG

THUGisa: ^^ XD XD XD

Shoulder Pain: That honestly doesn’t surprise me. 

Is this a pigeon: Agreed^

Hypebeast: This is so embarrassing.. ಠ_ಠ

Hypebeast: I’m sorry I made it so awkward >__<

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea, well. It was cute though, Makoto.

Hypebeast: Haru..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And when you finally loosened up, It felt pretty fucking good.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But my ass hurt the next day and that was kinda annoying 

Bad Blowjob: same

THUGisa: ^^

Is this a pigeon: yea..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Relatable 

Hypebeast: yea..

Shoulder Pain: When you’re the only one who has never bottomed…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: You’re missing out

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yuup

Shoulder Pain: But doesn’t it hurt a lot?

Hypebeast: yea

Bad Blowjob: But It’s like...a good hurt? Idk how to explain it.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you’ve gotta feel it for yourself.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Rin, fuck your boyfriend.

Bad Blowjob: Will do…

Shoulder Pain: Should I be scared or…?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: As long as he keeps his teeth away from your dick

THUGisa: Don’t sound hypocritical 

Bad Blowjob: Yeeaaahh^ I’m gonna fuck you.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: okaaaayyyy, soo who’s next?

Bad Blowjob: ?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Who’s story is next???

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It should be you and Sousuke’s turn now!

Bad Blowjob: erm..

Shoulder Pain: heh

Hypebeast: …?

Shoulder Pain: well

Bad Blowjob: I swear if you make me sound like a little bitch..

Shoulder Pain: I mean...what am I supposed to do…?

THUGisa: Damn XD

Is this a pigeon: Not sure if I should be concerned or not…

Shoulder Pain: Well, Rin basically acted like Makoto, But wayy worse.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oof..

THUGisa: I mean...understandable??

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yeah...He was the one bottoming..

Shoulder Pain: But then, he was allll into it in a hilariously quick mood swing.

THUGisa: …?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: What?

Bad Blowjob: more like, mood swingS

Shoulder Pain: Hah, yea

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …?

Is this a pigeon: Can you clarify, please?

Shoulder Pain: Okay, so Rin was the one who really wanted to have sex. 

Hypebeast: What? You didn’t want to…?

Shoulder Pain: I mean, yea but he was more ig...excited about it?

Bad Blowjob: That makes me sound thirsty.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You probably were.

Shoulder Pain: Okay so we were at my place and this was a few years ago after this weird ass party 

THUGisa: Party?

Bad Blowjob: just a normal party with chips, dip, squash, hot cocoa, hoses...you know..the usual.

Is this a pigeon: wtf

THUGisa: I might have been there…

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-Kun…?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ;p

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: wtf

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: where was my invite?

Bad Blowjob: I thought you were there...you were wasted and yelling about American Politics while standing on top of the tables…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: doesn’t ring a bell.

Hypebeast: Uhh 

Is this a pigeon: Can we please change the subject?

Shoulder Pain: Right, so we came back from this weird ass party and so Rin was a bit drunk. When Rin gets drunk he’s either really giggly and shit or he becomes irritable. 

Bad Blowjob: I wouldn’t say I was irritable…

Shoulder Pain: You were bi-polar af.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: that sounds accurate.

Bad Blowjob: I WAS NOT

Shoulder Pain: Yes, you were. It was funny af.

Shoulder Pain: You were all like, “ I WAnNa hAVe shExX. NOW!...please.?”

THUGisa: Why does this sound exactly like Rin-Chan..?

Is this a pigeon: Honestly though…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Because that’s how he acts on a daily basis. 

Bad Blowjob: IT IS NOT

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Then he starts to cry.

Bad Blowjob: HARU

Shoulder Pain: Rin. I didn’t even finish the story yet. So please,

Bad Blowjob: DON’T SAY IT BITCH. I’M NOT CRYING SO DONT EVEN START THAT SHIT.

Hypebeast: Don’t*

Bad Blowjob: FUCK

Shoulder Pain: Rin. Please, let me finish the story without you having a tantrum.

THUGisa: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Daaammmn

*five minutes pass*

THUGisa: Uhh...Where’s Rin-Chan?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck he actually had a tantrum.

Shoulder Pain: Well...His Christmas present was on point then..

THUGisa: :)?

Hypebeast: D:

Bad Blowjob: I was gonna leave this fucking chat, but I gotta make sure Sousuke doesn’t spread incorrect shit about me.

THUGisa: Rin-chaaaannn!!! :D

Shoulder Pain: Do I still have permission to tell the story?

Bad Blowjob: Idgaf anymore.

Hypebeast: :/

Shoulder Pain: I’ll take it.

Shoulder Pain: Okay, so

THUGisa: Back to the tea! ;D

Shoulder Pain: Rin likes to be in charge, so he insisted on riding.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oof.. you can’t be doing that shit for your first time.

Hypebeast: But didn’t you say he was a little drunk..?

Shoulder Pain: Yep

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That sounds like a mess.

Shoulder Pain: Yeah...he kept trying to sit down on it but he kept missing it and just started falling off it… (it= dick)

Is this a pigeon: Oh dear..

Shoulder Pain: So, imagine a drunk, emotionally unstable, bipolar, mess of person trying to ride your dick for the first time...it was lowkey hilarious.

THUGisa: AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

THUGisa: I CAN PICTURE IT!! XD XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Honestly...That sounds just like Rin.

Bad Blowjob: -.-

Hypebeast: wait...why’d you say he acted like me then..?

Shoulder Pain: Because once I stopped him from embarrassing himself, I decided to take over, but Rin was not having it. He started freaking out and panicking and stuff, but every time I asked if he wanted to stop he started getting angry and threatening to slap me if I did…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Wow.

THUGisa: Again, That sounds like Rin-Chan.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Okaayyyy, But did he cry? :)

THUGisa: And did he have to bitch-slap you? XD

Shoulder Pain: Oh of course.

Hypebeast: Aww, so did Haru. 

Is this a pigeon: …

Bad Blowjob: Tf..?

THUGisa: Cry or Bitch-slap you?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto..

Hypebeast: I realize now that that sounded very weird out of place..

THUGisa: Yeahh XD

Bad Blowjob: Yea, well Haru probably cried from pain. Not all of us are good at taking dick. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Bitch please, you cried because you were an emotionally unstable, drunk ass mess. 

Bad Blowjob: But in the end, I can take dick better. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: >:(

Bad Blowjob: >:(

Hypebeast: Oh damn

THUGisa: Ha, this time mom started the war XD

Is this a pigeon: This again..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well excuuuuuuse me princess for not being used to having long ass pipes shoved up my ass and damn there poking out my fucking mouth, bitch!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: JSKJSKJSKJSK 

Hypebeast: HARU

Bad Blowjob: Stfu, yous a stiff ass having ass hoe. You ain’t flexible at all. You know how fucking WIDE I spread MY ass cheeks AND hole that night!!?!? 

Bad Blowjob: And besides, What’s a pipe to a fucking battering Ram!!?!?

THUGisa: OOOOHHHHHHH

Is this a pigeon: I’m not surprised that the conversation has come to this point anymore. Tis the insanity of this chat. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ladies, please. You’re both pretty. Can we move on now?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Biiiiitch Don’t you DARE talk bad about my manz dick. Remember the scar tissue??! Quit biting off his dick wicho pointy ass teeth and MAYBE I’ll believe that you can handle a dick HALF as good as me, bitch. 

Shoulder Pain: Ya’ll

Is this a pigeon: This was settled on New Years...please...enough with comparing phallices…

Bad Blowjob: Actually, we don’t remember...YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: PFFT Fuck you. I’m not finna waste my time witcho sword fight shit. Why would I give up time with my manzes dick only to please your ass??? Besides, I’m not finna waste my time on someone who can’t even fuck their own boyfriend… -.-

THUGisa: JSKSJSKSJSKSHSKSJSJ FUCK

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Their fights just keep getting better and better. XD

Bad Blowjob: FUCK YOU

Bad Blowjob: SOUSUKE!!!

Shoulder Pain: Yea? Whatever it is, I’m not sword fighting again.

Bad Blowjob: NOPE. TONIGHT, I’M GONNA FUCK YOU HARD. 

Shoulder Pain: And now he’s taking his anger out on me.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: correction: taking his anger out in your ass ;)

Hypebeast: That sounds kinda violent..

Is this a pigeon: Should he be scared? 

Shoulder Pain: I mean...he’s in Australia rn soooo..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Pfft no not with his lil’ ass dick

Bad Blowjob: WTF HARU

Is this a pigeon: This was settled with the water guns ^^^...can we not do this again..PLEASE??

THUGisa: Yeeaahh, me and Rei-Chan wanna tell our story ;3

Is this a pigeon: Oh crap. 

Is this a pigeon: Nvm..keep arguing about Phallices..!

THUGisa: Toooooooo late, Rei-Chan!!

Shoulder Pain: Wtf

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yeeaahhhh let’s hear it :D

THUGisa: :) :) :) :)

Bad Blowjob: This should be good >:)

Is this a pigeon: It’s not. 

THUGisa: Yes IT IS

Hypebeast: What happened…?

Is this a pigeon: His sisters happened.

Hypebeast: D:

Is this a pigeon: I know.

Bad Blowjob: Like a Fivesome?

Shoulder Pain: Oof, a bisexual fivesome for your first time..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Damn

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ooooh~

Is this a pigeon: DEAR GOD NO.

Bad Blowjob: Kinky...

THUGisa: HAHAHA NO

THUGisa: Actually, we have an audio recording of our first time ;)

Bad Blowjob: wtf

Shoulder Pain: Now I’m confused.

Hypebeast: ??!!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: How..sentimental..?

Is this a pigeon: I’m beginning to feel sick. 

Shoulder Pain: Explain. 

THUGisa: weeeeellllll~ we first did it at my house. I made sure the House was empty and everything.

Is this a pigeon: But we were severely mistaken. 

THUGisa: Haha, right..

Hypebeast: Oh no

Bad Blowjob: Oooooh~ What went down y’all >:D

THUGisa: You all know how my sisters can be, right?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yes

Hypebeast: Yea

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: no

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: One time they pranked Nagisa by stealing his swimsuit a replacing it with a girl’s swimsuit that I had to wear. 

Hypebeast: Awww That was sweet, Haru! ^__^

Bad Blowjob: wtf

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^

THUGisa: Haha the point is, they’re always messing with me and trying to prank me and stuff.

Is this a pigeon: This is true...it can become quite aggravating 

THUGisa: Yeahh, But I love them!! ^__^

THUGisa: Buuuuut they can be annoying as fuck sometimes too..

Hypebeast: … D:

Bad Blowjob: Well Damn..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: it’s true. They’re frinkin’ weird.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: One time me and Makoto went to Nagisa’s house when we were little and his sisters were begging us to put on dresses and shit

Shoulder Pain: Wtf

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea, and then when we came over again, they asked us to hug and shit.

THUGisa: Yeah..their fujoshi.

Shoulder Pain: Oof 

Bad Blowjob: Relatable..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Damn

Hypebeast: Yikes..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Watch Ran become one too, Makoto XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto would lose it

THUGisa: Yeah Mako-Chan XD

Bad Blowjob: Yeah...It’s only a matter of time before you walk in on your sister reading a doujinshi with butt-naked Guys fucking each other…

Bad Blowjob: HER INNOCENCE WAS GONE FOREVER 

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: kasndksksjdowskl

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh shit not again..

Hypebeast: LADJDUDBDBSLABPALXXXSJBSJ???1??!?

Shoulder Pain: Again with the broken keyboard shit. 

Bad Blowjob: I can hear him pounding the keyboard all the way here in Australia. 

THUGisa: Yeahhh and then they start thinking that you’re fucking your best friends and get all up in your business asking questions and shiz 

Bad Blowjob: Riiiight tho?? Like keep that shit in your manga and shit

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But you are fucking your best friends…

Bad Blowjob: 

THUGisa: 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ha, Ran probably shipped you with Haru before you even came out, Makoto XD

Hypebeast: jsujoycx?

Bad Blowjob: Calm down Makoto, it’s not that bad. It’s pretty normal.

THUGisa: Yea, unless your sister is on my sisters’ level.

Is this a pigeon: ^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oh Yea, what happened again?

THUGisa: Right… Soooo before I came home with Rei.. My sisters were bugging my room

Bad Blowjob: Wtf. Why??

THUGisa: They caught wind of my plans to bringing Rei home that day so they wanted to bug the room so they can…. You know.. Do fujoshi stuff with it

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Omg..

Hypebeast: D:

Bad Blowjob: Isn’t that invasive??

Is this a pigeon: It is.

Is this a pigeon: Illegal too.

THUGisa: Yup. Fujoshi are scary af

THUGisa: SO back to the story.. When we got home, Rei and I headed straight to my room and they weren’t done bugging my room up so they hid under my bed before we came in, furiously making out ;p

THUGisa: Aaaand To be honest, Rei and I were getting it on nicely

THUGisa: Amazing foreplay

THUGisa: The prepping

THUGisa: Even undressing

THUGisa: It had all the elements of a perfect first time

Is this a pigeon: I did my research very well, I see. :)

THUGisa: Yeahhh you did, Rei-chan <3

THUGisa: Then while we were cuddling in bed after fucking, we hear some noise under the bed. Next thing you know, you see my sisters crawling out from under my bed and booking it out of there after saying, “WE GOT IT BITCHES!” and laughing like a buncha hoes

Hypebeast: Wow...

Is this a pigeon: It was a traumatizing experience

THUGisa: Yeah. It was so traumatizing that WE COULDN’T GET HARD THE NEXT TIME WE WANTED TO FUCK BECAUSE WE WERE SCARED OF SOME DUMB ASS BITCHES CREEPING ON US

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You poor thing

Hypebeast: That’s Awful! D:

Bad Blowjob: That’s kinda relatable though

THUGisa: Really??

Bad Blowjob: You forget I have a fujoshi sister too

THUGisa: Wanna share your experience?

Shoulder Pain: OOF

Is this a pigeon: Was it bad??

Bad Blowjob: Sousuke’s dick was INSIDE me when Gou barged into the room 

Bad Blowjob: The worst part is that she sat her ass in the corner eating popcorn and told us to carry on what we were doing with the straightest face I’ve ever seen.

Hypebeast: hsxgsycgvliwgkvauyw@!!??>

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yikes..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Did you guys continue to fuck?

Hypebeast: HARU!

Shoulder Pain: I wanted to but Rin started complaining and yeah. 

Sosuke: Now when we want to have sex we go to my house or some motel

Is this a pigeon: Same here. Me and Nagisa-kun must now only fornicate in my house...however, we still have anxiety to this day..

THUGisa: ^^ ;’(

Bad Blowjob: Really just anywhere the fujoshis won’t find me

Is this a pigeon: Preach

Hypebeast: Harruuuuuu

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: What’s wrong, Makoto?

Hypebeast: what if…

Hypebeast: Ran…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No

Bad Blowjob: I mean…if you keep her off the internet, then maybe she can avoid the fujoshi life..

Shoulder Pain: But you’re all the way in Tokyo

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: And there’s a chance that she’ll be friends with fujoshi

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean, she’s already sending Nudes to people soooo

Hypebeast: GSDGFLVSUERYVGCAH;DEFGCH;ISEUYGVFAEUYSGFCKAHETGCKAJ/;’.@!!!!!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: you stupid BITCH why would you bring that up1!??

Is this a pigeon: Not a good move, Kisumi-san…

Bad Blowjob: oof

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto please calm down! I’m sure Ran will be just fine. Your mom is monitoring her phone now. Remember?

Hypebeast: Yeah… True..

THUGisa: WHOA

THUGisa: Who snitched on her?????

Hypebeast: SHUT UP

THUGisa: :0

Hypebeast: IT’S NOT SNITCHING IT’S PROTECTING HER

Bad Blowjob: Damn Makoto...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That’s a cold move. And that’s coming from me.

Hypebeast: HDCYwgudgdyca I WAS PROTECTING HER!!!

Hypebeast: I DON’T APPRECIATE SOME LITTLE BASTARD SEEING MY LITTLE SISTER BUTT-FUCKING-NAKED!!!hgduyfgclvauwertfgcuwyefcguakwyv

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Calm down

Hypebeast: YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND CAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE SIBLINGS!!!!11!!

Hypebeast: SHE’S MY SISTER….her innocence… .;’.;./ 

Sosuke: It will eventually leave her, Makoto. We had this discussion already.

Bad Blowjob: Yea man, it’ll be okay. I know it’s a lot to handle when you remember seeing her as just a baby...I get it dude. But, even though it hurts, You’ve gotta let her live a little. Even if she does become a fujoshi or even makes other mistakes, they’re all part of life. 

Is this a pigeon: Indeed, I mean, we’re literally having a conversation about how we all lost our metaphorical innocence. You must accept the fact that one day, Ran will be having the same discussions with her friends as a mature, and hopefully, delightful and far wiser human being.

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: They’re right Makoto.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You’re no saint either. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: When you were her age, you were already kinda… how should I put this..

Hypebeast: I certainly was NOT sending nudes.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You were kinda a pervert.

THUGisa: PFFFFT

Hypebeast: WHAT???

Bad Blowjob: JSKJSKJKS

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I mean, you weren’t bad or anything but you stared and shit in the locker rooms

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And I’m not gonna mention what I caught you doing in the locker rooms in 7th grade 

Hypebeast: HARUUUUUU

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ooooooh~ what happened?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Let’s just say that if you did THAT in 7th, then can you blame Ran for being this way in 8th grade? 

Shoulder Pain: Yeah, let’s not be hypocrites here.

Bad Blowjob: Haru is right..

Bad Blowjob: We’ve all lost our innocence.

Hypebeast: Yeah...You’re all right..

Hypebeast: Sorry for losing it a bit earlier..

THUGisa: It’s okay! You were just being a good mom! ^__^

Bad Blowjob: It’s cool bruh

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Actually..There’s one thing that I’m more afraid of than Ran being a fujo who spies on us..

Hypebeast: …?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto, Nagisa, Rei...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Be honest.

THUGisa: ?

Is this a pigeon: Yes, Haruka-Senpai?

Hypebeast: uhh

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: How often do/did y’all fuck in the club room??

Hypebeast: HARUUUUUUU

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^ Translation: A lot

THUGisa: hehehehehe

Is this a pigeon: I...Uh..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^ translation: ditto

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well… Rin didn’t fucking tell us that he sent a fujoshi to our school, sooooooooo

Is this a pigeon: …?

Hypebeast: …?

THUGisa: Oh shit

Is this a pigeon: You know.. Now that I think about it.. When we were having intercourse last week.. I think I saw a glint in the corner.. And later that day.. Gou seemed really happy..

Is this a pigeon: Oh...OH DEAR

Is this a pigeon: I’M HAVING FLASHBACKS..!!

Hypebeast: HaRUU… Do you mean to tell me that…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto

THUGisa: I SWEAR IF GOU HAS OUR FUCKING SEX TAPEPSSSSSS

Hypebeast: ^^^^!!!!!!!!!!!??!?

Bad Blowjob: Oh...whoops.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: haha yikes

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Rin

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Check Gou’s phone

THUGisa: And her laptop.

Hypebeast: ^^^^^

Bad Blowjob: I mean… I’m kinda out of the country soooooo

THUGisa: UUHHHHG

Is this a pigeon: What do we do now???

THUGisa: We’ll just have to get them back ourselves >:(

Shoulder Pain: You’re going on a mission to steal the sex tapes that may or may not even exist?

THUGisa: It’s better than letting her and her fujo friends flik the bean to them!! Soooooooooooo

Bad Blowjob: That’s disturbing on so many levels…

THUGisa: Whatever

THUGisa: Rei-chan, warn Romi-chan and Shizu-chan not to fuck in the club room!!!

THUGisa Has Left the chat.

Is this a pigeon: Guys.. I think Nagisa Might be onto something… Goodbye!

Is this a pigeon has left the chat.

Hypebeast: ….

Hypebeast: Haruuuuuuuuu

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m sure Kou doesn’t have our...sex..tapes…

Hypebeast: haha..yeah..that would be crazy..

Shoulder Pain: I mean..She’s memorized your body you know..

Bad Blowjob: Oml 

Hypebeast: WHAT

Shoulder Pain: Yea. When we were watching you in the mascott wrestling match thing, she recognized your leg muscles.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …>:(

Bad Blowjob: Oof.. I just texted Kou asking if she has secret porn vids and she left me on read

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Rin this is your fault.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Bitch

Bad Blowjob: OH NOW THIS IS MY FAULT!!??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD US THAT KOU WAS A FUCKING FUJO

Bad Blowjob: THAT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS

Bad Blowjob: YOU THINK I’D WANT TO GO AROUND TELLING PEOPLE THAT MY SISTER'S INTO GAY PORN???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I mean.. She’s prolly got vids of you and Sousuke too soooooooooooo

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: What’s good????

Shoulder Pain: He’s got a point..

Bad Blowjob: …

Bad Blowjob: Sousuke. Go help Rei and Nagisa find the videos. Kou’s not responding to my texts.

Shoulder Pain: Will-do.

Bad Blowjob: I’m gonna text mom.

Hypebeast: I thought you said it was wrong to snitch on your siblings???

Bad Blowjob: Well, I kinda don’t feel comfortable knowing that my sister may or may not be MASTURBATING TO ME AND MY BOYFRIEND FUCKING

Bad Blowjob: YOU KNOW HOW DISTURBING THAT IS????

Bad Blowjob: UHHG I GOTTA GO I’M FEELING SICK

Bad Blowjob: SOUSUKE PLEASE MAKE SURE SHE DOESN’T HAVE WEIRD SHIT ON HER PHONE AND LAPTOP

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: What if your mom and sister are like.. A team on this.. Likeeeee they did bet about your sexuality soo 

Bad Blowjob: …

Bad Blowjob: SOOOOUUUSUKKKEEEEEEEEEE

Shoulder Pain: I will get right on it.

Hypebeast: PLEASE DO!!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: HURRY

Shoulder Pain: Geez, all this pressure…

Shoulder Pain: I’ll keep an eye on her. Later

Shoulder Pain has left the chat.

Bad Blowjob: I’m about to become a snitchin’ ass bitch. Later Ya’ll. 

Bad Blowjob: Makoto, I pray that Ran doesn’t become a fujoshi. Good Luck.

Bad Blowjob has left the chat.

Hypebeast: I have anxiety.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Same here.

Hypebeast: I feel so powerless… we literally can’t help…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ik

Hypebeast: sjhcsiuh..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh no

Makoto; uhdyuwegfewigfuaywgefwrgyaehgfkerd

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Okay, I’m on my way over.

Hypebeast: ...juhuevyagkfvbck..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And yes, I’ve got chocolate ice cream.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Just please stop breaking your keyboard.

Hypebeast: sdhcdabv<3

Hypebeast has left the chat.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage has left the chat.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’ve really gotta stop starting shit..


	11. Not-so-Secret Fundanshi...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is interesting to say the least... Basically, these dorks talk about their favorite Yaoi game, Camp Buddy. If you're familiar with this game, then congrats and enjoy! If not, it's still a hoot to watch these dorks thirst over fictional characters. You can, but you don't have to, do a quick google search on the characters from Camp Buddy I suppose...or you can play/ watch it :D. Otherwise, enjoy your favorite idiotic, petty, horny, dorky, thirsty ass boys once again. ;)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh my god

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Rin

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Why do you make my life so fucking hard

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Just fuck off

Is this a pigeon: Here we go again..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Omg...I’m not the one starting shit this time!!?!?

Shoulder Pain: ^^^ My shoulder hurts!?

Bad Blowjob: I didn’t do shit. I can’t even do shit…. I’m in a different country??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck you

Hypebeast: What’s wrong Haru?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Taiga is wrong.

Bad Blowjob: OH

Bad Blowjob: I actually liked Taiga..

Shoulder Pain: I’m lost

Hypebeast: Guyyyss why are you already fighting? Who tf is that??

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Taiga from Camp buddy??

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: He was whatever.. But Yoichi was where it was at.. Those muscles…. Mmmmm

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Anyways Taiga is a fuckin bitch and he reminds me of you

Bad Blowjob: Don’t even start with that shit. You don’t even know his whole story.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: He just burned Keitaro’s fuckin journal! I think I know enough. He’s a bitch.

Bad Blowjob: Bruh. There’s still more to the game! Just give it some time.. He’s actually pretty cool

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Probs cause you and Taiga have the same mother. Both of you are BITCH BABIES!!!

Bad Blowjob: WTF DOES MY MOM HAVE TO DO WITH THIS??? Don’t go talkin’ bout my mom, BITCH!

Hypebeast: ...wait..

Hypebeast: I think I know this game! 

Hypebeast: My brother said he likes it and it looks really cute! ^___^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Don’t tell him, kisumi.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yes, Makoto. It’s a very cute game.

THUGisa: OOOOHHH I love that game!!! Remember when we played it together at that sleepover??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: fuck

Is this a pigeon: ...Yea..I do

Hypebeast: wait

Hypebeast: sleepover..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck

Hypebeast: Are we talking about that weird BL game that Nagisa forced us to play?

Bad Blowjob: Duh

Bad Blowjob: And Taiga ain’t a bitch

Hypebeast: UMMMMM..I’M PRETTY SURE THAT WAS A YAOI PORN GAME

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Please, Makoto, before you have a crisis about InNocNcE or whatever, can you please tell Rin that he’s wrong???

Hypebeast: Fine. But I’m calling mom.

Hypebeast: And Umm.. I really don’t want to fight, soo..

Bad Blowjob: Have you gotten to where Keitaro and Taiga have their talk??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No. I’m at the part where he burned the god damn journal

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean, I personally didn’t gaf about that journal soooooo

Bad Blowjob: He gets redeemed you know

Is this a pigeon: Wait, why did you guys even bring this argument to the chat???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Just tell Rin he’s wrong.

THUGisa: Why fight when the game is full of zaddies???

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Right tho????

Bad Blowjob: NO

Bad Blowjob: Don’t diss him like that!

Shoulder Pain: Haven’t played it. I’ll look it up.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: IDGAF about redemption. Once a bitch always a bitch. Just look at Rin!

Bad Blowjob: What kind of argument is that?? 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: A VALID one.

Bad Blowjob: Smh. Taiga is just misunderstood.

Hypebeast: Guys, please be nice! We don’t need Rin to go back to that Season 1 crap…!

Bad Blowjob: -.-

Hypebeast: I mean..no offense! 

Bad Blowjob: He gets better, I swear. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Pfft, whatever. He’s still a bitch in my book.

Bad Blowjob: It’s called character development, my dude. Learn it.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: --.--

THUGisa: Annnyyyyywaaayyyy, who are your fave characters???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Definitely not Taiga :/

Hypebeast: I like Hiro

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Really? Why?

Hypebeast: Well, he reminds me of me and Haru-chan! ^__^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Are you trying to say that I’m dense or..?

Hypebeast: No! He loves his best friend, just like I love you! ^__^

Bad Blowjob: ew..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: PDA

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ...Makoto..

Hypebeast: I said what I said.

Shoulder Pain: That’s my line..

Is this a pigeon: ..?

Shoulder Pain: Nothing.

Hypebeast: Whatever. He’s my favorite.

THUGisa: Wellllllll I like Goro. Cause he’s big.

Is this a pigeon: ….

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Uhh, Nagisa..

Shoulder Pain: I’ll look him up.

Bad Blowjob: Shady, Nagisa.

THUGisa: Look him up in his bathing suit <3

Hypebeast: NAGISA STOP IT.

Is this a pigeon: …

Shoulder Pain: Damn..

Shoulder Pain: He makes me and Makoto look average.

Bad Blowjob: “AveRaGe”

Haru: And what is Rei then? 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: OMG

Hypebeast: STOP IT GUYS! THINK ABOUT REI!

Shoulder Pain: That doesn’t help much coming from a guy like you, Makoto.

Hypebeast: I mean, it’s not effective coming from you either??? So??

THUGisa: Oh...OH NO REI-CHAN

Is this a pigeon: I...I’m not adequate enough for you, Nagisa-kun?

THUGisa: Rei-chan!! Don’t take me so literally! I couldn’t take a dick like that anyway XD

THUGisa: You’re the perfect size for me, AND you know how to use it SOo good ;P

Is this a pigeon: hm. Then why is he your favorite??

THUGisa: I just want to know if it’s possible for him to fit his dick in any of the other characters. :D

Is this a pigeon: :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean, he has a daughter, so he stuck it in someone...not sure where she is…

Hypebeast: His daughter?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: No, his wife..

Hypebeast: :/

THUGisa: ...Besides... I think we all like a big beefy daddy

Shoulder Pain: Yea, and tbh, that’s why Hunter is my favorite character. 

Shoulder Pain: Or felix.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: The twink characters?

Bad Blowjob: why…?

Shoulder Pain: Because they’re small. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Does this come from your secret desire to be fucked?

Shoulder Pain: I..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: OR you just like twinks in general.. Like Rin for example

Bad Blowjob: I am not a twink

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Mhm.

Shoulder Pain: I just find it interesting..twinks taking all the big dicks.

Hypebeast: IntEREsTinG?

Bad Blowjob: I mean..I can be one..but I’m I’m still gonna fuck you first.

Bad Blowjob: Anyways.. I like Taiga because he goes from being an ass to becoming pretty cool cause you know.. A thing call CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Of course you identify with that ghetto walmart pokemon

Hypebeast: More like ghetto Walmart Digimon..

THUGisa: MOM

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: HAHAJSKJSK

Bad Blowjob: You haven’t even finished the game so fuck off

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Takes a trash character to know one

Bad Blowjob: >:O 

Bad Blowjob: Makoto. Control your boyfriend.

Hypebeast: I’m sorry… Haru gets pretty serious with these things..

THUGisa: You prolly haven’t had sex in a while too haha XD

Hypebeast: :/

Shoulder Pain: I didn’t even know you guys were into Yaoi games. Weren’t we just ranting about Fujoshi a few days ago?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: yea but y’know… 

Bad Blowjob: It’s pretty nice sometimes..

THUGisa: ^^

Shoulder Pain: … :/

Bad Blowjob: Whatever. Who do you like anyways Haru?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Natsumi.

Is this a pigeon: Why am I not surprised.

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Kisumi: Why?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: His eyes are blue like mine. Duh.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ok.

THUGisa: Really? That’s it?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nah I’m kidding.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: He can swim so I identify with him. Plus he reminds me of Makoto

Bad Blowjob: Lemme guess.. You’re on his route right now?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yep

Hypebeast: I like him too! ^__^ Why does he remind you of me? :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: His innocence

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: His purity

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: His cuteness 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: His lowkey dumbass-ness

Hypebeast: Awww Haru-Chan <3 ( ´ ▽ ` )

Hypebeast: I’ll just ignore that last comment..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: His Long dick

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: I’ll ignore that one too.

Bad Blowjob: Fair

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: mmmhhh ;)~

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Soo I like Eduard cause he’s…

THUGisa: Oh no

Bad Blowjob: Hoe don’t do it

Hypebeast: What? I don’t get it

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Good.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Just like me

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: So you’d wear sparkly, glittery ass leggings for a swimsuit?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean.. Why not?? If Aiden can wear a marijuana leaf for a swimsuit then I can wear what I want. Can’t be any worse than Keitaro’s frog speedo. Now that’s not fabulous.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yeah.. For once I agree with you.. That speedo was.. It was no

THUGisa: What? I kinda liked it???

Bad Blowjob: It was literally the green throw up emoji, smiling on his dick.

THUGisa: But it’s cute!!!

THUGisa: C’mon Rei! Tell them it’s cute.

Is this a pigeon: 

THUGisa: REIIII

Shoulder Pain: The speedo was ugly

Shoulder Pain: It’s almost as bad as that one time you wore all that yellow when we were out in Tokyo and a dog mistook you for a fire hydrant and tried to take a piss on your jacket.

THUGisa: I feel attacked

Bad Blowjob: My eyes were attacked by a frog speedo…

THUGisa: You guys are mean

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ok???

THUGisa: I cannot believe you Rei. So who do you like?

Is this a pigeon: I like Seto. He has a nice sense of style

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Honestly~

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: He was so hot in that swimsuit competition

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I want to get Asahi to wear a speedo like that… 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: mmm

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Begone thot.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: But you have to admit.. It was hot

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yeah it was

Bad Blowjob: Tbh Seto needs a route

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: WOW you actually said something smart.

Bad Blowjob: :/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But fr. He needs a route

THUGisa: Like all the Scoutmasters need one too :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: FUCK YEAH

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ikr.. I want to fuck Goro so bad

Hypebeast: :/

THUGisa: Lowkey want one for Naoto..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Who dat?

Bad Blowjob: smh

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fuck off shark boy

Bad Blowjob: He’s Natsumi’s older brother

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: There’s two of them???

Bad Blowjob: Yeah. Search him up

Shoulder Pain: ok

Shoulder Pain: Oh damn

Bad Blowjob: RIGHT?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That’s some grade A meat right there.. I want to see it without pants

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: And you call me a hoe

Is this a pigeon: The amount of thirst in this chat is unbelievable..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Have you seen Naoto?? He fine...

Hypebeast: I wouldn’t mind being pounded by that..

THUGisa: MOM?!

THUGisa: SAME THO

Shoulder Pain: Honestly, same^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: That sounds hot

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: BACK THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY MANS

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I WAS JUST SAYING IT SOUNDS HOT???

Bad Blowjob: lol

Bad Blowjob: If you could fuck anyone in the game, who would it be?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That’s a hard question

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Everyone is fuckable

THUGisa: Can all the above be the answer??

Bad Blowjob: I meannnnn 

Bad Blowjob: I asked anyONE.. Sooo

THUGisa: Darn

Shoulder Pain: Tbh i want to fuck Keitaro.. I want to see how much he can actually take in for myself

Shoulder Pain: And the twinks

Shoulder Pain: yeahhh

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: LMAO OMG HE TAKES DICK LIKE A CHAMP

Bad Blowjob: You might break the twinks tho ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: He can only take in like half of Natsumi’s dick though...sooooo???

Bad Blowjob: Sousuke is wide and Keitaro can take in wide things very well (Yoichi’s dick) so he should be fine…

Is this a pigeon: I like how you’re justifying the possibility of your boyfriend fucking another person, Rin-San.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Spoilers

Bad Blowjob: I don’t think it’s surprising that every character ends up sleeping with Keitaro sooo

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Still

Bad Blowjob: :/

Bad Blowjob: I’d like to fuck Goro

THUGisa: Sammmmeeee he has some fine cheeks

THUGisa: Plus he’s all tough and shit but then when you get to fucking him… mmmmm I want to make him a mess..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^ I strongly agree

Hypebeast: Wait, you want to..do it TO him…?

THUGisa: Yuup! We’ve already agreed that none of us could take Goro’s dick^^

Bad Blowjob: I might be able to..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Same here too...( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Uh oh, the hoes are talking shit now.

Bad Blowjob: BITCH PLEASE IM NOT LYING 

Hypebeast: I’m*

Bad Blowjob: And DON’T call me a hoe and shit. I’m not gonna take the abuse like Kisumi!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/ 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Biiiitch pleeeeeeease, you prolly couldn’t even get Natsumi’s all the way in.

Bad Blowjob: Pffft my asshole’s a LOT deeper than Keitaro’s. If I were riding Natsumi I could sit down on that shit and bottom out, bitch.

Is this a pigeon: Are they really arguing about the depth of a fictional character’s anus?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hisssssssss

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I can take a long ass dick better than all you hoes

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Tell ‘em Makoto.

Hypebeast: 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: >:/

Bad Blowjob: Ssssssss

Rei: Uhh, I’m going to interrupt this argument before it gets worse by saying that I too have a character worthy of my lustful desires..

Shoulder Pain: wOrTHy

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Dumbass

THUGisa: Awww Rei-chan, who do you wanna fuck?

Is this a pigeon: I’d like Hunter because he is one of the more intellectual and articulate characters. He even proved himself to be quite the artist!

Shoulder Pain: Okay, But…

Is this a pigeon: ?

Bad Blowjob: Why would you want to fuck him?

Is this a pigeon: Oh...hehe, well I suppose Hunter does remind me of Nagisa-kun..

THUGisa: So you think I’m a twink?

Shoulder Pain: I mean…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Is this a pigeon: Well, to be blunt, yes.

Bad Blowjob: JSKJSKJSKJSK

THUGisa: Haha, ik that already Rei-Chan ;p

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ok

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hear me out..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Does liking Yoichi make me a furry??

Nagisa: Oh shit. You’re asking the real questions here m8..

Haru: um idk

Bad Blowjob: wow

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I mean does it???

THUGisa: REIIII-CHAAAAAN answer the question

THUGisa: You’re the smart one

Haru: Yeah ask the smart one

Rei:asdfjl;asdfasd;fjaeitjos nvireu 

Hypebeast: Mood

Shoulder Pain: His keyboard broke

Is this a pigeon: Let me do some research and I’ll be right back..

THUGisa: Yay! Be safe out there

Bad Blowjob: Hope you come back safe from diving into furry territory

Is this a pigeon: Anything for my friends..?

Shoulder Pain: Ok so I have a question

Bad Blowjob: ??

Shoulder Pain: How old are these guys?????

Shoulder Pain: Cause Yoichi be looking like a preschooler with abs 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: omg

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: stop.

Shoulder Pain: Well he does

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I can’t unsee it

THUGisa: woooooooow 

THUGisa: wtffff

THUGisa: are you ok??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That’s a stupid question to ask any of us.

THUGisa: Oops. You’re right..

Shoulder Pain: My question must be answered

Bad Blowjob: According to the creator they’re like 18+

Shoulder Pain: Why the fuck are 18 year old’s going to a summer camp?? Shouldn’t they be getting ready for college or something??

Bad Blowjob: The answer is simple.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: To get laid

Shoulder Pain: Well they don’t look like 18 year olds

Shoulder Pain: Hunter looks like a goddamn fetus

Shoulder Pain: Hiro looks like a 5th grader

Shoulder Pain: Felix looks like 5 year old

Shoulder Pain: What kind of 18 year old still has a bowl haircut

Bad Blowjob: Yo don’t diss Lee like that!

Shoulder Pain: Well shit. 

Hypebeast: This is coming from the person who was talking about fucking all those twinks… 

Shoulder Pain: nfdv aierhvnarvn 

THUGisa: Dude. It’s a BL game.. Chill

THUGisa: Just enjoy the yaoi..

Shoulder Pain: Yoichi looks like a preschooler

Bad Blowjob: Well his dick doesn’t ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Shoulder Pain: Picture a preschooler with a big bulge.

Hypebeast: D:>

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You need jesus.

Hypebeast: Don’t we all?

Is this a pigeon: ok.

Bad Blowjob: Welcome back

Shoulder Pain: :D Yea, feed us more Bs about the legitimacy of this game. 

Bad Blowjob: :/

Is this a pigeon: I’m back 

Is this a pigeon: And I have some news

THUGisa: If I’m a furry I’ll fully embrace it.

THUGisa: Grr

Hypebeast: Oh dear..

Is this a pigeon: After thinking it over, I’ve deduced that while Yoichi my exhibit the behaviors of an animal of some sort, due to the fact that he has no fur on his body, with exception of the hair on his head, armpits, and...other places, enjoying him and his antics do not make you a furry.

Is this a pigeon: But of course, it’s all a matter of preference as to what you would like to be labeled as!

Bad Blowjob: Hmm

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Thought so..

THUGisa: Yikes, guess I’ll have to return the fury suit I just ordered...but I used Same-day delivery so it might be a little late for that..

Hypebeast: D:

THUGisa: hehe..Whoops!

Shoulder Pain: smh

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Why tf

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-kun!?

THUGisa: It’s okay, Rei-Chan! We can use it together sometime! Y’know, for like, role play and stuff ;P

Is this a pigeon: I’m scared.

Hypebeast: Smh

THUGisa: Mom!

Hypebeast: ?

THUGisa: LOL HE ANSWERED

Hypebeast: Uhhg, what is it?

THUGisa: Soooooooo who would it be for you???

Hypebeast: Oh..

Hypebeast: Umm...maybe it would be Hiro too..

Bad Blowjob: Your favorite character?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It doesn’t have to be the same person..

Hypebeast: I know..but I’d rather just stick with Hiro..

THUGisa: Awww mom’s soo loyal :3

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Too fucking precious.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Too vanilla. What do you find sexy about him then?

Hypebeast: oh..hmm, Well I do like how vocal he is..

Bad Blowjob: True, when Hiro orgasms, it sounds like he’s gotten shot and is in agonizing pain. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Or like he’s terrified. Or like he’s playing a game and laughing and shit. 

Hypebeast: Sure ig...I also love how he’s so devoted to Keitaro and tries his best for him! Even during sex..

Is this a pigeon: I...approve of this. What a beautiful, non-crackish thought, Makoto-Senpai!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I feel lucky.

Hypebeast: Aww Haruu <3 ( ´ ▽ ` )

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I should act more like Hiro

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: When we have sex I’ll pretend to be even more desperate for your cock like Hiro was for Keitaro’s. 

Hypebeast: :/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’ll praise you on my knees. It’ll be hot.

Hypebeast: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’ll also be more vocal and I’ll scream your name and whine like a bitch every single time you thrust into me, Makoto.

Hypebeast: 

Bad Blowjob: Geez Haru Calm down

THUGisa: Yea, You’re “embarrassing” Mako-Chan ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: And I’M the hoe

Shoulder Pain: Makoto 

Shoulder Pain: You Good?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Don’t expect to hear from Makoto for a few minutes. I did that on purpose so that he wouldn’t get weird when I tell ya’ll who I wanna fuck.

Is this a pigeon: Haruka-Senpai...how deceptive!

Sousuke: Damn.

Bad Blowjob: Why? It wouldn’t be a big deal. We’ve been talking about who we’d fuck this whole time..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea, but I’d fuck two of them

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oooohh~ who??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Obviously Natsumi 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Because you know^^^

Bad Blowjob: Yea Because you’re thirsty for long dicks.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Can’t deny that, but I’d also fuck Yoichi.

THUGisa: :0?

Shoulder Pain: hm

Is this a pigeon: I didn’t know you had such...feral tastes, Haruka-Senpai…

Bad Blowjob: So now you like thick dicks or????

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: His dick is fine ig, but that’s not exactly why I’d fuck him.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: why then?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well ig i should tell y’all before Makoto gets back. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I kinda like how rough he is.

THUGisa: Oooooh~ Haru-Chan likes it rough ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Actually I’m not exactly sure if I do, but I’d like to find out. 

Bad Blowjob: “fInD OuT”?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Why Don’t you just ask Makoto to go H.A.M on your ass?

Is this a pigeon: :/

Shoulder Pain: ^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You guys know how Makoto is..

Bad Blowjob: Uh oh

Shoulder Pain: Yikes.

THUGisa: Are you saying that Mako-Chan isn’t y’know…

Kisumi: Hitting It right?

THUGisa: ^^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: It’s not that as much as it is him being TOO gentle and stuff.

THUGisa: Ahh I get it. Rei-Chan can be that way too sometimes.

Is this a pigeon: NAGISA-KUN 

THUGisa: Well It’s true :/

Bad Blowjob: So what you’re saying is that you want to get fucked out more often..kinda like how you were on your birthday?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Exactly. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And more dirty talk too. Makoto is too Vanilla sometimes. Sometimes I just want him to abuse me with his words...it would be hot if he did...

Bad Blowjob: I get you. 

Shoulder Pain: Have you talked about it with him? 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: If I do that he’ll just blow it all out of proportion and panic about not a pleasing me. 

Hypebeast: No, he has not talked about this with me. 

THUGisa: :O

Bad Blowjob: Oof..well this is awkward.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: How much did you hear..?

Is this a pigeon: wtf

Hypebeast: I mean...this is a group chat. I can just read the chat history.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Wow..that was a really stupid question. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: lol Yea 

Hypebeast: Haru, why didn’t you tell me all of this?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’ve tried to, I swear...I just don’t know how to say it ig..

Hypebeast: Haru, you know you can talk to me about anything. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Well, how can I seriously face you and say, “ I want rougher sex,” out of the blue, especially when I know how much you love vanilla sex rather than the kinky type of stuff??

Hypebeast: Is that what this was about? You were afraid of me being unsatisfied with what you want?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: A little, ig..

Hypebeast: Haru, when we have sex, my goal is for you to be satisfied, and to think that I’m failing at that...It breaks my heart. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But you do satisfy me!

Hypebeast: If that were the case, you wouldn’t be complaining about our sex-life with all our friends instead of just talking to ME about it.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

THUGisa: !!

Is this a pigeon: This is quite personal, don’t you think, guys…?

Makoto: Haru, know that I will do anything to make you happy, even if that means doing “less Vanilla” stuff while being intimate together. It’s meaningless if I feel good without you. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m sorry for not telling you this.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I know it was stupid of me to think that you wouldn’t seriously consider my feelings..I won’t doubt you again.

Hypebeast: I sincerely hope not. 

Hypebeast: I’m coming over.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Wait, now??

Hypebeast: Yes. I’ll be over in 10 minutes.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Why??

Hypebeast: To give you what you claim to want.

Hypebeast: Be ready.

Hypebeast has left the chat.

THUGisa: HOLY SHIT

Bad Blowjob: Did Makoto just…? Wtf just happened?

Shoulder Pain: That was awkward.

Is this a pigeon: Indeed. ^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: That got real af. Haru, you good?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage has left the chat.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

THUGisa: Lol, I don’t this that was Haru-Chan being shady this time Kissme

Bad Blowjob: Yeah, that was Haru preparing for Makoto to come down on dat ass

Is this a pigeon: Again, that was quite ratchet. ^^

Bad Blowjob: This whole chat is ratchet. 

Is this a pigeon: True…

THUGisa: OOF THE DELIVERY GUY IS HERE

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: The furry costume??

THUGisa: YEA

Bad Blowjob: I thought you cancelled the order??!

THUGisa: WELP APPARENTLY I WAS TOO LATE

THUGisa: I’ll just tell him that I was super drunk and ordered it by mistake.

Shoulder Pain: Good luck.

Bad Blowjob: Right so, Sousuke.

Shoulder Pain: ?

Bad Blowjob: You and I are gonna play Camp Buddy together.

Shoulder Pain: Hmm...idk

Bad Blowjob: Whyyyy???

Shoulder Pain: I mean, the characters are hot, but I don’t wanna get balls-deep into it like you and Haru. 

Bad Blowjob: -.-

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Just play it! Join the fandom lifeeeee

Shoulder Pain: Fundanshi life*

Bad Blowjob: Join the dark side.

Shoulder Pain: ...I don’t have time.

Bad Blowjob: Pfffft, if I can find time in my busy ass training schedule, then you can too.

Shoulder Pain: Uhhhg

Bad Blowjob: Pleeeeease????

Bad Blowjob: For me..?

Shoulder Pain: No

Bad Blowjob: For this ass?

Shoulder Pain: …

Shoulder Pain: Fine.

Bad Blowjob: --.--

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: XD XD

Is this a pigeon: This is emblematic as to what the values in this chat truly are.

THUGisa: FUCK

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-Kun??

THUGisa: The guy wouldn’t let me return the suit >:(

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Bummer.

Bad Blowjob: Yikes

Shoulder Pain: Sorry to hear that…?

THUGisa: It’s whatever. I just hope the delivery guy doesn’t call the cops or something

Is this a pigeon: NAGISA-KUN????

Bad Blowjob: Wtf???? What did you do???

THUGisa: Welllllll, I might have let my temper get the best of me just a taaaaad bit…

Is this a pigeon: NOT AGAIN, NAGISA…

THUGisa: Well it’s not that hard to return something to a warehouse that is literally 3 FUCKING MILES AWAY SOOOO HE DESERVED WHAT HE HAD COMING TO HIM

Shoulder Pain: That is pretty close…

Bad Blowjob: Damn Nagisa…

THUGisa: They don’t call me THUGisa for nothing ;3

THUGisa: Rei-Chan!! Come over! We can put this suit to gooooood use ;3

Is this a pigeon: NAGSIA-KUN! You should NOT have done that!

THUGisa: Ooooh~ Rei-chan’s angry~~~

Is this a pigeon: OBVIOUSLY! I’ve told you countless times about respecting and abiding by the law being that it is what keeps ORDER in our society!!

THUGisa: Yes...You did tell me that!

Is this a pigeon: I’ve explained this to you an innumerable amount of times!

THUGisa: Yes! You said it sooo many times!~

Is this a pigeon: I THOUGHT that I’d explained myself THOROUGHLY.

THUGisa: Mmm Rei-Chan! I need you to be even MORE thorough!~~

Is this a pigeon: I am just so SICK and TIRED of telling to to control your actions, especially in regards to legal matters!

THUGisa: Ngh!~ butt Rei-Chan! You know that I can’t control myself when it cums to you!~~~~

Is this a pigeon: This is truly TIRESOME. I’ll be over to your home in 15 minutes to ensure that you’re not in any legal trouble.

THUGisa: MMMmmm Yes!~~~ Rei-chan! Cum inside my

THUGisa: House*!

Is this a pigeon: It should NOT be my job to give you BASIC disciplinary instruction!

THUGisa: MMMMmm~~ Butt it is!! Ah!~ Discipline me gooooood, Rei-Chan!!~~~~ *Sweats and writhes uncontrollably*

Is this a pigeon: 

Is this a pigeon: …

Is this a pigeon: NAGISA-KUN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??????!!?!?!!! ^^^^

THUGisa: Ah!~ I can’t take it anymore Rei-chan!~~ Cum over..ngh!~ Right now!!~~

Is this a pigeon: This chat is descending further and further into maddness. 

Is this a pigeon has left the chat.

Bad Blowjob: Wtf Nagisa?

THUGisa: Rei-chan is fun to mess with :3

THUGisa: Later!

THUGisa has left the chat.

Bad Blowjob: …

Bad Blowjob: Anyway Sousuke, let’s play Camp Buddy.

Shoulder Pain: Alright, fine.

Bad Blowjob: later Kisumi

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Bye ;)

Bad Blowjob has left the chat.

Shoulder Pain Has left the chat.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ...

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Why am I always the last one here? Everyone always leaves in couples, usually because they’re gonna fuck. I mean, Rin and Sousuke are playing a sexy Yaoi game, Nagisa and Rei are about to fuck in furry costumes, and Haru’s probably getting destroyed rn..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: In a good way, I mean.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’m tired of leaving the chat lonely :(

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hopefully that’ll change…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel has left the chat.

*Totally not foreshadowing any future plans*


	12. Straight Women Be Like...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, Our gay ass Free! characters + Straight women = ... read and find out! ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long-story-short... school has been fucking us for the last few months. Anyway, here ya go!

1:00 am

 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Happy Valentine’s day to meeeeeee!!!!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: wtf

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You’re late af

Kisumi has added Asahi to the chat.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: That’s why ^^^ ;) <3

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Asahi: Uhh

Asahi: hi? 

Asahi: Wait, who are you guys??

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Wdym sweetie?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ew

Asahi: Who Just called me sweetie??

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Obviously meee~~ •3•

Asahi: UMm WHo DAT^^?

Hypebeast:What’s wrong Asahi?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Ha, He’s tripping harder than when all those balls were flying at him when we all got high together. (Tehe: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662295)

Hypebeast: Don’t speak of it!

Is this a pigeon: …?!

Asahi: WAIT THEN YOU MUST BE...HARU OR MAKOTO?? 

Asahi: OR KISUMI???

Hypebeast: Ohhhh he’s confused about our terrible names! XD

Is this a pigeon: That makes sense..they are most certainly not beautiful..

Asahi: OHHH, then you must be Rei^^!!

Is this a pigeon: How could you tell??

Asahi: Only you would use words like, “certainly” and “beautiful” in a casual chat XD

Is this a pigeon: They are fairly normal words..

THUGisa: Ooooh! Hiiiiiii!!!

Asahi: Nagisa, right? ^^

THUGisa: Yuup! ;3

Shoulder Pain: Hey Asahi

Asahi: Uhh...hi?

Asahi: Shoulder Pain?

Asahi: OOF DON’T TELL ME! 

Asahi: You’re Sousuke!!

Shoulder Pain: Yeah...

THUGisa: Damn XD

Asahi: and I’m guessing Haru is Mackerelmore????

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea. Congratufuckinglations.

Asahi: D:

Hypebeast: Don’t be offended. This is how Haru always acts..

Hypebeast: In the chat at least.

THUGisa: Yeaah, hence the name “Mackerelmore’s a SAVAGE” XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ^^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’m sad that you’ve already guessed everyone else, but not me ;,(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Because no one can recognize a bitch 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Actually, they should be able to recognize you as the king of bitches

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ;(

Is this a pigeon: If you can’t figure it out from his earlier sweet talk, “Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel” is Kisumi-San.

Asahi: OOOHHHH SHIIIIT I’M SORRY BABE!!!1!1!1!!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ;,(

Asahi: okay… but Who tf is Hypebeast??

Asahi: and Bad Blowjob??????????

Hypebeast:I’m hypebeast…

Asahi: …

Asahi: why..? 

Asahi: And why is Kisumi named “Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel”???????

Hypebeast: It’s a long story..

THUGisa: you can read the cancerous chat history to find out how we got our names ;)

Shoulder Pain: ^^^

Bad blowjob: Fuck

Bad blowjob: Why Does this shit keep happening to me?????

Asahi: WHO TF IS BAD BLOWJOB?? XD XD^^

Shoulder Pain: Rin, why are you crying?

Bad blowjob: I’M NOT! BUT I’M SICK OF THIS SHIT! 

Bad blowjob: Girls are fucking weird!

Shoulder Pain: Did THAT happen again?

Bad blowjob: Yup. The nerve of that bitch. And at the grocery store too???? Like bitch! I’m just tryna get my bread and butter and you’re tryna Fuck up my day??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Wtf is he going on about?

Asahi: And why is his name Bad Blowjob???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Because he gives bad blowjobs. 

Bad blowjob: I’M NOT IN THE MOOD HARU

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Fine, whatever. Why do you have a stick up your ass rn then?

Bad blowjob: Uhhg, remember when you were in Australia and we went to that bar?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Pft. Yeah.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That shit was hilarious 

Bad blowjob: Well it happened again a couple of days ago

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oof

Bad blowjob: Right?

Hypebeast: What happened??

Hypebeast: Why do I never know what's happening?

THUGisa: I woke up for tea sooo spill it

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yeah! What happened in Australia?

Bad blowjob: :/

Bad blowjob: When we were in the bar these ladies walked up to us

Bad blowjob: One of them bought me a drink and we started to talk.

Shoulder Pain: Soo, should I be concerned that you might’ve cheated on me or…?

Bad blowjob: NO I DID NOT!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: He's as straight as a rainbow ^

Bad blowjob: HARU

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I was giving you support you hoe

Bad blowjob: Whatever. Anyways the lady asked my name and said it was cute. Then she started getting a bit touchy

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: She groped his butt.

Shoulder Pain: :o

Shoulder Pain: >:O

THUGisa: OOFITY 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: She cupped it hard. Like, Rin really almost cried again. 

Hypebeast: That’s awful! She didn’t harass you too did she, Haru?? 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nah, unlike Rin, Ik how to give off an “I’m not interested so don’t fuck with me” vibe.

Hypebeast: That’s my Haru-chan ( ´ ▽ ` )

Is this a pigeon: Wow. ^

Bad blowjob: ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY IT WAS MY FAULT????

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No bitch. Calm your tits.

Bad blowjob: So then I try to tell her bluntly, “I’m gay,” and you know what the hoe says back to me???

Asahi: ?

Bad blowjob: THE HOE SAYS, “So am I.” And winks at me.

THUGisa: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHJSKJSKJSKJSK

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Rin, face it; you look like a lesbian. 

Hypebeast: Tbh...that doesn’t surprise me..

Bad blowjob: —.—

THUGisa: Even Mom agrees XD

Asahi: Mom??

THUGisa: Makoto = Mom

Asahi: Ohhh

Shoulder Pain: You should read the chat history if you really want to know wtf happens here on a regular basis.

Asahi: Okay >:D brb

THUGisa: Yeahh And according to Gou-Chan, you even have cleavage XD

Bad blowjob: WTF SHE TOLD YOU THAT??

Shoulder Pain: It’s true though…

Bad blowjob: SOUSUKE

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It’s not that bad Rin XD 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea, if anything, straight girls are a lot scarier.

Is this a pigeon: agreed^^

Hypebeast: Agreed^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: They trigger me. 

THUGisa: Damn Haru-chan XD

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yeahh, They’re so thirsty all the time! Like seriously, they even ask ME out…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: See What I mean?? They even ask this bitch out^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Like...can’t they tell that he’s gay as fuck??

Hypebeast: Haruuu >__<

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: No..Haru’s kinda right XD

Shoulder Pain: I mean, if it makes Rin feel any better, that type of stuff rarely happens to me, being that the Iwatobi area is so small. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yeah, girls in Tokyo are hella thirsty. 

Hypebeast: It’s honestly ridiculous.

Bad blowjob: True^^ 

Hypebeast: Is it the same in Australia?

Bad blowjob: Pretty much, but most of the girls can’t speak Japanese, so they leave me alone. 

Shoulder Pain: Thank goodness. 

Bad blowjob: Hehe^^ Yea

THUGisa: Well, I’m glad Haru-Chan and Mako-Chan didn’t become hoes in Tokyo ^__^

Is this a pigeon: Honestly, same. :)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Are girls at Iwatobi still thirsty?

THUGisa: No not really ;)

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-kun is too possessive.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ahh I see..

Is this a pigeon: No really...It’s concerning.

THUGisa: Aww Rei-Chan! I only threaten people because I love you •3•

Is this a pigeon: But I’ve told you so many times that that those thuggish antics are NOT okay in a school environment! 

THUGisa: Ooh~ Rei-Chan sounds angry again ;)

Is this a pigeoni: …

Is this a pigeon: Not Again, Nagisa-kun.

THUGisa: Damn.

Hypebeast: ...Should I even ask what Nagisa has done..?

Is this a pigeon: No.

THUGisa: Oh please! Rei-chan doesn’t know half the stuff I’ve done to keep those thirsty hoes away from him.

Is this a pigeon: Oh really? 

Is this a pigeoni: So you suspect that I don’t know why Haruhi showed up to class a few weeks ago with bald spots on her head, the day after she asked me out? 

Bad blowjob: What

Shoulder Pain: Uhh

THUGisa: That’s a pretty big jump in logic, don’t ya think, Rei-chan? -.-

Is this a pigeon: Nope.

THUGisa: :/

Is this a pigeoni: Nagisa-kun…

THUGisa: Well it’s not like I was violent or anything sooooo

Hypebeast: Then how did she get bald spots in her hair??????

THUGisa: I just put some...special stuff in her shampoo ;0

Shoulder Pain: wtf

THUGisa: My sisters use it on each other all the time tho ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Bad blowjob: wtf even goes on in your house???

Is this a pigeon: That is still NOT ok!

THUGisa: And it was NOT okay when that bitch decided to ask you out. 

THUGisa: tch, that hoe had the AUDACITY to get all touchy with you, even AFTER you said you were dating somebody.

Is this a pigeon: …

THUGisa: And You don’t even wanna know what I did to that chi-chan bitch

Is this a pigeon: Chio-san??

THUGisa: Oops… that one wasn’t supposed to slip out..hehe

Hypebeast: Wasn’t she one of the managers for the track team?

Is this a pigeon: Yes...but she resigned...out of the blue too…Nagisa...

THUGisa: *Whistles*

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oooh~ I live for this typa tea~

THUGisa: Well, in case you couldn’t tell, she had a HUGE crush on you.

Is this a pigeon: Really?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Dense.

Hypebeast: Haha, yeah. Even I could tell she liked you, Rei.

THUGisa: Exactly^^ and I could NOT have that so… I took care of her.

Is this a pigeoni: NAGISA WHAT DID YOU DO?

THUGisa: Uhhg, look; it’s not that I got mad because she had a crush on you (because you’re soooo awesome Rei-chan ;3). I got mad because she would say super sexual shit around you but you were to dense to see it >;/

Is this a pigeon: She did no such thing.

THUGisa: Rei-chan. She literally said, to your face, “I’d looove to vault yOuR pole~.”

Bad blowjob: JSKJSKJSK

Shoulder Pain: Oh damn..

Is this a pigeon: She was asking to borrow my equipment, was she not???

Hypebeast: Rei...no offense, but…. You are incredibly dense. Like...damn.

THUGisa: Yuup, And this is coming from MOM^^^^^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oof… hoes be trippin.

THUGisa: So that’s why I took care of that thot. PERIOD.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Good job, Nagisa.

THUGisa: :D

Hypebeast: Haru?! Don’t encourage him!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Why not? He’s standing up for his man and keeping the hoes away.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’ve done the same.

Hypebeast: Eh?! What did you do, Haru?????

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Don’t worry about it.

Bad blowjob: …

Bad blowjob: And I thought I was crazy…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh, don’t be mistaken, you are.

Bad blowjob: --.--

Hypebeast: Now I’m worried, Haru.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I told you, don’t worry about it, Makoto. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Okay, if You’re so against warding off the straight women, then what do you do when they hit on Haru?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nothing, Because He’s too dense to realize when I’m being harassed.

Is this a pigeon: I hope you mean ‘romantically pursued…’

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I said what I meant and I meant what I said. 

Hypebeast: :/ ?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: smh

Bad blowjob: Like...being told sexual things harassed or grab your ass harassed?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: That AND theft. These hoes be STEALING from me.

Shoulder Pain: wtf

Hypebeast: Someone grabbed your butt Haru????? D:<

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Lemme tell you about this one bitch in my math class.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oooooh~ more tea :D

THUGisa: ^^^ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

Bad blowjob: Oooh bitch, lemme get the popcorn.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: So, I’m not gonna say her name because y’all might know her..

THUGisa: Aww...the tea just got a bit chilly…

Bad blowjob: wtf

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Honestly only me or Asahi might know her..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Nah, Makoto knows her too. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Here’s a hint: She’s an actual HOE.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: and her hair is dyed pink

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: so kisumi, but as a girl

Hypebeast: Haru.. :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oof, I know who he’s talking about. Sorry that you’re getting harassed by her…

Bad blowjob: You guys make her sound like a sex predator…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Because she is.

Hypebeast:wait are you talking about Akane-San?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yuup.

Hypebeast: But she’s so sweet! D:

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: smh...Makoto, I swear...it’s hard not to get pissed when You’re so damn oblivious…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: She’s “sweet” with everyone Makoto. That’s how she sleeps around.

Bad blowjob: Honestly, that’s hoeing 101.

Bad blowjob: C’mon dude.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yuup. And she’s been trying to get with you for the longest time Makoto. But you never caught on to her advances.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m surprised I haven’t done anything to that bitch already tbh.

Hypebeast:…I thought she was just being nice…?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Whatever. Now I’M on her “must fuck” list, and she’s been doing the MOST lately. Dirty fuck.

Bad blowjob: Like what?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Okay, well she knows that I swim, and she’s been all over my dick about it lately.

Hypebeast: !!??!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: It’s an expression, Makoto.

Hypebeast: ...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: So whenever I go to math after I swim, the bitch SNIFFS me and she’s all like, “Mmm~ you even smell like a swimmer~ you should TOTALLY let me come and watch you practice some time~~!” 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Then she’d laugh like a little bitch.

Bad blowjob: Damn. Did she do that thing where she’d grab your arm and touch your shoulder and shit trying to get all up in your personal space?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yup. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And she’d be all like, “hehe~ you have nice hands AND feet~~..” Like, BITCH WTF THAT SHIT’S CREEPY!

Hypebeast: ...did she…

Shoulder Pain: Oof, that’s code for, “I think you have a nice dick.”

THUGisa: ^^^!!

Hypebeast: …!?!?!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And that’s not even the worst thing that hoe’s done.

THUGisa: MORE tea??? 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Okay, so one time I couldn’t find my shirt after practice, so I just went to class wearing my sweatshirt. When I got to class, I see the bitch smiling at me creepier than usual. Then she sits next to me and says, “Don’t you think it’s a little too hot to be wearing a sweatshirt???”

Bad blowjob: The Audacity..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I’m honestly not surprised. She’s crazy.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: so then she keeps trying to make me take off my sweatshirt, and even starts FUCKING TUGGING ON IT trying to pull it off of me IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING CLASSROOM.

Is this a pigeon: I’m certain that counts as sexual harassment.. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Exactly.

Shoulder Pain: Oof, I bet Makoto is pissed.

THUGisa: Yuup, lol. Mom is all quiet now.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Anyway, after I finally warded her off, she finally stops and says to me, “Wanna know a secret?” Btw she’s biting her lip, “I have your shirt~.”

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: The bitch stole my shirt.

Bad blowjob: How did that even happen??

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: She claimed that I dropped it on the way to the pool before practice. I’m at school way earlier than that bitch. 

Is this a pigeon: Wait...you don’t think that perhaps maybe… she..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yes, I have reason to believe that she snuck into the locker rooms.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: She would.

Shoulder Pain: So hold up, she kept doing all this shit… but did you say that you were taken or..?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Of course. I literally looked that hoe in the face MULTIPLE TIMES and said, “I. Have. A. Boyfriend.” 

Bad blowjob: Real hoes don’t care. They believe they can convert the gays too. It’s honestly ridiculous. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Do you see the truth about Akane now, Makoto?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto?

Hypebeast:

Hypebeast: dhysegfwgfkyasgfoyaryegfiaygo

THUGisa: Mom broke his keyboard again :/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto, calm down.

Hypebeast: I’m sorry, Haru...I’m just really angry now. I’m sorry I didn’t see this before… I’m such an oblivious fuck..

THUGisa: :0 Mom!

Is this a pigeon: Well, he did say he was angry..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Don’t trip, Makoto. Besides, what happened to you was way weirder anyway tbh.

THUGisa: :)

Nagsia: More Tea? :)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^^?

Hypebeast: Hehe..I’m not sure if I should talk about it...the whole situation makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t want Haru to get all jealous like me..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m not the Jealous type.

Hypebeast: Yes, you are.

Bad blowjob: You are, dude.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I know from experience, that you definitely are.

THUGisa: Yea, Haru-chan, it’s sooo true!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I mean...maybe I used to be. 

Hypebeast: lmaooo

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: >:/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I’m not as bad anymore… ever since we’ve moved to to Tokyo, I’ve had to deal with the fact that literally EVERYONE wants to fuck Makoto. I’ve trained myself not to get too jealous anymore.

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: I wouldn't say EVERYONE…

THUGisa: HA HE’S ADMITTING THAT PEOPLE WANT TO FUCK HIM!

Hypebeast: I didn’t mean for it to sound like that!!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea, EVERYONE wants to fuck you. Literally everyone stares at you on the train when we’re out together (BOTH genders and then some).

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hell, I even remember hearing MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS talking about how they wanted to fuck you. MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Hypebeast: Okay that makes me VERY uncomfortable..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: And You’re constantly getting hit on. It’s so annoying.

Hypebeast: Not really..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: There’s that denseness again. You don’t realize it when it happens.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: This is true^^. Remember when we went out to eat together a few nights ago at Hooters and that one server kept looking at Makoto like a fucking predator?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yes^ She kept giving you a real nice view of EVERYTHING, Makoto.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yeah, the bitch had huge fucking tits too.

Shoulder Pain: !?^^

Bad blowjob: ??? >:0^^

THUGisa: Lol, Rin-chan. I think Sou-Chan’s just surprised because that’s the straightest thing ANY of us have heard Kissme say XD 

Is this a pigeon: Agreed.

Shoulder Pain: Exactly.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Well I’m not blind. The waitress was totally showing them off to Makoto. The shit was hilarious. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: But of course he didn’t realize it.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yea, and your obliviousness was pissing her off XD. Me and Asahi were losing it! 

Hypebeast: That’s why you guys were laughing all night??? You could’ve told me so that Haru wouldn’t get jealous..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I wasn’t jealous. I was laughing too.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yea, we were just laughing at your ass all night. It was like watching a clueless preschooler getting seduced by a stripper.

Hypebeast: D:

THUGisa: JSKJDKJSKJSK THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE MAKO-CHAN!

Bad blowjob: Okay, I have a question: why tf were you guys at Hooters????

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hey, the food’s pretty good! We can ignore the girls. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Or laugh at their attempts at flirting with a bunch of gay guys. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Btw, Where’s Asahi?

Shoulder Pain: Reading the chat History. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oof..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh shit.

Bad blowjob: Yikes..

Hypebeast: That can’t be good..

THUGisa: :D !

Is this a pigeon: This isn’t gonna end well..

THUGisa: Anywaaayyyyy… Wasn’t there more tea to be had? :D

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: ^^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh. Yea, if Makoto wants to tell you the story. I personally think it’s hilarious.

Hypebeast: ...it’s disturbing for me..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: It’s not THAT bad..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You guys wanna know how thirsty people are for Makoto? 

THUGisa: Yea! :0

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Then I’ve got two words for you: Swim Coach.

Bad blowjob: ¿Qué?

Hypebeast: >__<

Is this a pigeon: Not gonna lie; my interest is piqued.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Just tell them, Makoto. I could use a good laugh.

THUGisa: If it’ll make Haru-Chan laugh then I wanna hear it!! >___<

Hypebeast: Fine…

Hypebeast: It all started when a few of the kids that I teach started calling me...weird names.

Bad blowjob: Like..?

Hypebeast: Dad, papa, daddy, etc.

Bad blowjob: Wtf

Is this a pigeon: Yea...I’m already uncomfortable.

THUGisa: JSKJSKJSKJSK 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yikes, that’s innapropriate.

Shoulder Pain: Why did they call you that?

Hypebeast: I’ll get there..

Hypebeast: Anyway, then they started asking me weird questions too, specifically my age, asking if I was 18..

Is this a pigeon: D:>

Bad blowjob: Oh hell no.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I think I know where this is headed. 

THUGisa: Same here… But I hope we’re thinking about two VERY different things..

Is this a pigeon: Nagisa-kun!?

THUGisa: :3

Is this a pigeon: D:/

Bad blowjob: Geez Rei, maybe YOUR mind’s in the gutter XD

Hypebeast: :/

Is this a pigeon: IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Mmh 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Continue

Hypebeast: Right..

Hypebeast: So, after a while I got annoyed with their names for me and pulled them to the side to ask them why they were calling me Dad.

Hypebeast: They said that their mothers apparently told them that I would BECOME THEIR FATHER... “someday.”

THUGisa: No fucking way

Is this a pigeon: Such inappropriate behavior...from parents!!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: HAHAHAHAHA

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: SEE? THIS IS FUNNY SHIT.

Is this a pigeon: I bet their moms even flirt with your ass after swim lessons, thinking they have a chance. Like, NO BITCH! HAHAHA

THUGisa: Is this how Haru-Chan deals with his jealousy?^^^

Is this a pigeon: I’d say so..

Bad blowjob: That’s insane..

Shoulder Pain: Almost don’t believe it...

Hypebeast: Yeah, I couldn’t either..

Hypebeast: And Haru’s right; even after the kids stopped calling me weird names, their moms were acting a bit… strange.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Please, they acted like hoes, even the ones who weren’t single. 

Bad blowjob: Smh...I’ve never seen a girl’s thirst get THAT bad before..

Shoulder Pain: Ditto

Hypebeast: It got so bad that my supervisor made me give the kids LETTERS TO SEND HOME explaining the situation. He literally wrote that I was being harassed in the letters. I think that was a bit of a stretch though..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I mean… You kinda were, soooooo

Hypebeast: Yes, but It wasn’t like my safety was on the line. And besides, It wouldn’t look good to have parent’s receiving letters about how there’s apparently “sexual harassment” happening at the place they leave their kids at for an hour and a half.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: True..

Hypebeast: The whole situation was just a complete mess. I get a headache just thinking about it >__<

Is this a pigeon: I’m sorry to hear that you had to endure this, Makoto-senpai.

Hypebeast: Thanks, Rei.. But I’m really fine..

THUGisa: There he goes, admitting it again. Smh.

Hypebeast: What did I do now??

Bad blowjob: Ha, I see what you did there.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yea, lol.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Wtf does “ Yea, lol.” Mean, bitch?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ha, weren’t you saying that you weren’t the jealous type just a few minutes ago?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: --.--

Hypebeast: ...I’m so confused…

Shoulder Pain: They’re laughing because you called yourself, “Really fine” and you were just talking about how a lot of women want you. 

Hypebeast: OHHHHH, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that again…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: smh, fucking precious.

Hypebeast: >:/

Hypebeast: You guys are starting to make me feel like an airhead…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

THUGisa: :/

Bad blowjob: uhh..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Because, you are one.

Is this a pigeon: HARUKA-SENPAI?!

THUGisa: NANI TF??

Bad blowjob: DAmn HaRu??

Hypebeast: D:>

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: When it comes to these types of things, you are. But that’s a good thing.

Hypebeast: What “types of things”?? >:/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Love ig?

Hypebeast: And why would that be a good thing?? ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Because, it keeps things interesting ig… everything is so new for the both of us… and you don’t know if someone is blatantly telling you that they wanna have sex with you, so I feel less jealous. 

Bad blowjob: Awkward save…?

Hypebeast: :/

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I like that about you, so sorry if I made you upset.. I didn’t mean to insult your intelligence or anything like that..

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yea^^ and besides, you’re pretty much smarter than Haru in a lot of ways.

Bad blowjob: True, your grades have always been higher.

THUGisa: And you have better social skills than Haru-Chan. He’s really awkward, lol.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ...

Is this a pigeon: And you’re very knowledgeable about health and self care, which are very important skills to have in life. You even help out your friends and family in the same way, especially Haruka-senpai.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Umm, Tf guys?

Bad blowjob: Yea, and meanwhile, Haru’s swimming in a pool somewhere, ditching class, catching hypothermia, etc. He’s pretty dumb when you get down to it.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: --.--

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Really bitch?

Bad blowjob: I mean, you make stupid choices man. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: It’s not stupid. It’s FREE. Bitch.

Bad blowjob: --.--

Bad blowjob: You’re seriously tryna test my patience with this shit AGAIN??? 

Shoulder Pain: Rin, now you’re being stupid.

Bad blowjob: Sousuke!?

Hypebeast: Thanks guys, but please...stop. I’m not in the mood to break up another argument.

THUGisa: AND Mako-chan’s more mature than you all! >:0

THUGisa: Look at him, breakin’ up fights and shit^^^

THUGisa: Mom’s the real MVP

Hypebeast: Thank you guys, But please...stop :/

THUGisa: MOM’S THE BADDEST BITCH AROUND 

THUGisa: Oh, okay mom. :)

Is this a pigeon: Oh dear…

Hypebeast: Omg

Bad blowjob: wtf

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Please, I’m the baddest bitch around XP

Bad blowjob: Nah hoe, it’s me.

THUGisa: I think we can all agree that it’s me. 

Is this a pigeon: I have to agree with Nagisa-Kun.^^^

Shoulder Pain: Wtf is this argument?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Idk. Everyone just started calling me dumb and calling themselves bad bitchesz >:/

THUGisa: Ohhhh, Sorry about that Haru-Chan ^__^ 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Hisssssssss

Hypebeast: You guy’s mind if I ask one more question? 

Bad blowjob: Go ahead 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ?

Hypebeast: Okay, Sorry if it sounds dumb or whatever but idc anymore.

THUGisa: Look What y’all did. Mom doesn’t care anymore <:(

Hypebeast: We’ve established that when straight girls try to talk to us and stuff, it’s pretty awful.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: yep

Bad blowjob: Pretty much.

Is this a pigeon: It is a disturbing trend, yes.

Hypebeast: Then, have none of you just been..friends with any girls? JUST friends?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

Bad blowjob: Meh

THUGisa: hmmm...well there’s Gou-chan!

THUGisa: But we’re still investigating her…

Is this a pigeon: True...And yes Makoto-Senpai...there are a few...I think?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yes! I’m pretty popular with girls who can clearly see that I’m a homosexual! Girls love gay guys ;)

Shoulder Pain: ^^ Yea, not ALL straight girls are out for dick.

Bad blowjob: True, I have a few female friends here, and not ALL of them are thirsty or lesbians. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ...really?

Hypebeast: Thought so ( ´ ▽ ` ) I have a lot of girlfriends too

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: that’s the straightest thing I think I’ve heard you say Makoto XD ^^

Hypebeast: Girl-friends* >__<

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: …

THUGisa: Lol, Haru-chan, I’ve never seen you be friends with a girl XD

Bad blowjob: It’s those bad social skills we’ve been talking about. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: —.—

Hypebeast: Well, Haru..you’ve always kept to yourself and whenever a girl would try to talk to you, you’d scare her away..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: How? I said literally nothing to them. 

Bad blowjob: Uhh, that’s why. 

Hypebeast: ^^...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: :/…

THUGisa: Ooooh~ does Haru-Chan want a girlfriend now? :3

Hypebeast: !?!!?

THUGisa: GIRL - FRIEND ******

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Wtf no 

Hypebeast: Aww, I can introduce you to some of my classmates, Haru-Chan. They’ve always wanted to meet you since I talk about you all the time! ( ´ ▽ ` ) <3

Shoulder Pain: Again, this is the straightest conversation I’ve seen in this chat…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ikr! It’s kinda weird...

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Makoto..

THUGisa: Awwww Haru-Chan’s blushing right now ;3

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yuup

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ...Well, I do want to meet these friends of yours actually..

Bad blowjob: :0

Is this a pigeon: !?

Shoulder Pain: Wow.

Hypebeast: Haru… I’m so glad! ( ´ ▽ ` )

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea, I have to make sure none of them are after your dick. 

Hypebeast: …

THUGisa: Haha RIP

Bad blowjob: Jealous type.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I trust no man.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Ummmm, WOman???

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Whatever 

Hypebeast: Whatever Haru, they really do want to meet you though! They’re always asking so much!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Why tf do they want to meet me so bad??

Hypebeast: They watch you compete and love your swimming!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: -.-

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: My “swimming”?

Hypebeast: Mmh! ^__^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: —.—

Hypebeast: What..?

Is this a pigeon: Uh...Makoto-Senpai, Did you tell these friends of yours that you are dating Haruka-Senpai?

Hypebeast: Hmm...I don’t think so...it never really came up..

Shoulder Pain: I hate to break it to you dude, but when a girl asks a lot about your friends, it’s probably because they’re trying to get with them. 

Hypebeast: …

THUGisa: ha, you made Mako-chan re-evaluate his friendships XD 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Yea...idk if I wanna meet your friends now…

Is this a pigeon: I’m sure they aren’t completely fake, Makoto-Senpai...you’re a likable person. 

Hypebeast: Now idk what to believe about them…

Bad blowjob: Look What y’all did XD

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Hmmm….

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: How often do they ask about Haru? 

Hypebeast: ….

Hypebeast: A...fair amount…of times ig?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Okay...and on a regular basis, how often do they ask you about YOU?

Hypebeast: ...I mean...they USED to…

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh hell no

Bad blowjob: I call shade -.-

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: first they try to steal my man, then they DUFF him???????

THUGisa: >:0

Hypebeast: DUFF?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: We watched the movie together, remember? Designated Ugly Fat Friend

Hypebeast: D:

Bad blowjob: JSKJSKJSKJSK 

Bad blowjob: DAMN HARU

THUGisa: TWO BURNS IN ONE CHAT!? >:0

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Bruh, it doesn’t mean I’m calling Makoto Ugly or Fat. I just mean these hoes are USING my man to get to me.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Those bitches…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: It sounds like a DUFF to me.

THUGisa: NO ONE TREATS MOM LIKE THAT

THUGisa: Y’ALL SHOULD KILL THOSE HOES

Is this a pigeon: Well...you shouldn’t KILL them...

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yea, That would be illegal :(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: We should trap those hoes…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Oh, try telling them that you’re not friends with Haru anymore and see if they still fw you! :D

Hypebeast: And if they don’t D:>

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: then we’ll come after those bitches. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yuup! Me, Haru, and Asahi will whoop their asses. 

THUGisa: XD

Is this a pigeoni: The ratchet levels are exceeding 9,000…

Bad blowjob: Really?

THUGisa: haha, Rei-chan tried to use a meme. 

Is this a pigeon: Was it that bad? /:(

THUGisa: It was...cute, Rei-Chan XD

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ….okay?

Hypebeast: Wait, so you guys aren’t actually gonna beat my friends up, are you?????

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: “fRiENdS”???

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Well, I’ll find a way. Half my friends are petty ass girls with too much time and drama on their hands and they ALWAYS vent to me about their problems and their ways of revenge…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Believe me, I can be a mean mothafucka >;)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: without doing anything illegal. 

Hypebeast: …

Hypebeast: I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear this plan of yours…

Bad blowjob: right...so all this talk about straight women is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: What? You craving dick now??

Bad blowjob: Yes :(

Shoulder Pain: :s

Bad blowjob: ?

Shoulder Pain: :?

Bad blowjob: <:| ?

Shoulder Pain: /:9

Bad blowjob: /;) ? 

Bad blowjob: 8====> ?

Shoulder Pain: 8==========>

Bad blowjob: :D !

Shoulder Pain: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bad blowjob: ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: 

Hypebeast: ...uhh

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: horny asses. Stop sexting in the fucking Group chat. 

Rin is offline.

Sousuke is offline.

THUGisa: XD

Is this a pigeon: oh dear…

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Honestly, I get it. All this talk is making me want my Asahiiiiiii~~~

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Stupid hoe

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: :/

Hypebeast: ( ´—` ) 

Hypebeast: Haru? 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: >:(

Hypebeast: Are you okay?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No ;( 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: These bitches got me mad. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Make me feel better, Makoto.

Is this a pigeon: Well, That was direct..

Hypebeast: ?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Dense.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: !

Hypebeast: ;(

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: |:(

Hypebeast: /;I ? ^^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Wtf

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: !! ;)??????????

THUGisa: wtf

THUGisa: Oooooohhhh, Haru-Chan’s being a hypocrite again! 

Hypebeast: <:0 !!

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: dense.

Hypebeast: ( ´ ▽ ` ) ! 8⇒??

Is this a pigeon: Oh dear..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: No

Hypebeast: ???!?

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: 8================>

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Damn!! XD

Hypebeast: :0 …. ( ´ ▽ ` )! 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Y’all weird.

Is this a pigeon: Agreed. ^

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: We’ll plot our revenge later. Let’s go, Makoto.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline.

Hypebeast: Bye guys :)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Later. Don’t get shanked going to Haru’s apartment at frikin 2:00 am.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Witcho thirsty ass.

Hypebeast: I won’t! 

Hypebeast is offline.

Is this a pigeon: …

Is this a pigeon: Okay… why tf do our conversations always end with everyone splitting up to go fornicate with each other…? Like...we’re more than just sex..correct? :/

THUGisa: Because, sex is a beautiful thing, Rei-chan! ;)

THUGisa: That, and because we’re just a bunch of horny asses ;P

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Agreed. ^

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: And now I can finally be one of you guys!

Is this a pigeon: What?

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: While you guys go off to have sex, I won’t be that last one, lonely in the group chat. I’m going over to Asahi’s ;) ;) ;)

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Later ~~

THUGisa: YASSSS KISUMI YOU GO GET THAT DICK BOIIIIIIIII

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Yaaaaassssss bitch...I WILL! ;’)

Kisumi is offline.

Is this a pigeon: Ratchet levels are over 9,000, once again.

THUGisa: Rei-chaaaannnnn 

Is this a pigeon: :(

THUGisa: That was so cringe >__<

Is this a pigeon: Teach me to meme then, Nagisa Kun.

THUGisa: :0

THUGisa: I never thought you’d ask!! Come over, I gotchu, babe! •3•

Is this a pigeon: okay… I expect to become a more cultured individual. 

THUGisa: And you will. Come hither, enter my domain of DANKNESS!!

Is this a pigeon: …?

THUGisa: Just come over Rei-chan ;)

Is this a pigeon: Okay.

THUGisa is offline.

Is this a pigeon is offline.

 

9:30 am

Asahi: Okayyyyyy soooooo I have a few Questions.

Asahi: Why does Makoto where his little siblings’ Supreme merch?

Asahi: And why tf did Nagisa have water guns that represented your dick sizes? 

Asahi: How did he know what your dicks even looked like before the new years party????

Asahi: And who tf was gonna spill all the tea about your siblings??

Asahi: And how DARE you guys claim that water is NOT wet!! >:(

Asahi: Who was gonna show me that awful video you guys made? I didn’t know that Makoto was still taking English class because of something so stupid! I thought Haru was more chill than that..

Asahi: And I didn’t know that y’all were into Camp Buddy too! Yaoi games are my shiiiiiiitt!!

Asahi: AND HARU

Asahi: I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU WITH MY 3:00 AM THIRST RANTS ABOUT KISUMI HOW COULD YOU SPILL MY FUCKING TEA LIKE THAT BRUH??????????????

Bad blowjob: ...damn

Bad blowjob: This made me realize just how fucking weird our convos are..

Hypebeast: Yea… This stuff happens on a regular basis ig ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Is this a pigeon: I had a feeling that your betrayal would come back to haunt you, Haruka-senpai..

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Oh c’mon

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: If it weren’t for me spilling your thirst tea, Kisumi wouldn’t have had the courage to ask you out.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: AND your little rants interrupted MY sleep sooooooooo

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: You should be thankful. You owe me now too.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage changed Asahi’s name to “Bitch-that-owes-me-Mackerel #2”

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: I expect my payment in full. 

Mackerel-more’s a Savage: Later.

Mackerel-more’s a Savage is offline. 

THUGisa: :0 !!

Shoulder Pain: Damn

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: …

Bitch-that-owes-me-Mackerel #2: :(

Hypebeast: I apologize for… him.

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Aren’t you still at his house?

Hypebeast: Yea

Hypebeast: he says that once you give him mackerel, he’ll change your name back, Asahi…

Bitch-that-owes-me-Mackerel #2: -.- 

Hypebeast: sorry…

Asahi: Uhhhggggg

Asahi: What type does he want?

THUGisa: :0

Hypebeast: He says that if you buy him his favorite lunch from food court tomorrow, he’ll change your name.

Bitch-that-owes-me-Mackerel #2: Fine. I owe him money anyway..

Hypebeast: Oh! Haru agreed to change your name back after tomorrow!

Bad blowjob: It’s that easy????

Bad blowjob: Can I buy my name back with Mackerel???

Hypebeast: Haru says, “hell no.”

THUGisa: XD XD XD

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: So then I can change my name with Mackerel too still, right??

Hypebeast: Haru says that since you waited so long, you owe him, “Mackerel with interest.”

Is this a pigeon: Wow.

Hypebeast: Haru’s having too much fun with this.

THUGisa: We can tell XD

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: Uhhg I’ll talk to him about it later then. 

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel: I gtg. 

Bad blowjob: same here, later.

THUGisa: buy guys!

Bitch-that-owes-me-mackerel is offline.

Bad blowjob is offline.

Shoulder Pain is offline.

THUGisa is offline.

Is this a pigeon is offline.

Hypebeast: I’m sorry about this, Asahi. :/

Bitch-that-owes-me-Mackerel #2: It’s cool, haha. I kinda owe him after what happened to you at the movies after Hooters XD

Hypebeast: … huh?

Bitch-that-owes-me-Mackerel #2: Aaaannnnnd I’ve said too much.

Bitch-that-owes-me-Mackerel #2: Later!

Hypebeast: What happened at Hooters????

Hypebeast: Did something happen there that made me… sick… at the movies??????????

Bitch-that-owes-me-Mackerel #2 is offline.

Hypebeast: D:

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you enjoyed reading. Also if you find anything offensive then knock your socks off in the comments and rant about it. Just know this is a crack fic and we did this for fun. Just know it’s not rly supposed to be taken seriously.. Lol


End file.
